wake up, wake up.

from the longest blink to a barrage of rapid ones
you submerge into a conscious state
descending from dreaming as you rise from bed
about to live a new day.

but will you really 'live'?

some believe that nearly all function as zombies
living each day like tomorrow's already promised
simply getting by without any bucket listings accomplished
that maybe we wake up with our blind eyes widely shut
making leaps of faith that land us on our butts
and the fact that many move this way is upsetting
making decisions destined for future regretting.

if you're one of those believes, simply try:

why walk slowly by when you can fly with greatness
to beautiful places.
sing with mayer hawthorne's soul + spit with maya del valle's sincerity
make beautiful beats like j.d. (james 'dilla' yancey), not the whiskey man from tennessee
basically, i want you to become more heavenly
because when you wake up, anything's possible
and though something truly amazing usually won't manifest
revel in the infinite opportunity
the limitless chances
the waterfall of raining possibility
and the rain forest of teeming life
waiting for you.

and the next time your day begins
don't forget

to wake up.

Realizing.

it's been so long since we said hello
but this simple salutation is allowing me to grow
moving on from past differences and woe,
i'm drawn to you like the west cliff lighthouse glow
a night time spark that blossoms dreams in the dark
wish i could save the patterns that destined this moment
for there were too many times whenever i tried
to realize forced beauty and overworked designing
knowing it takes more than pressure to change rock to diamond
and sensing myself rhyme just for the sake of rhyming
without any true goal, steady aim or aspiration
like unseen fireworks in my mind from july 4th celebrating,
will they remain simply as figments?
my imagination i will never let die
and with your very presence you let my wonder thrive
helping me to see the light and find my way
helping me to analyze what i choose to say
helping me to figure out problems, your assistance
helped me to align the stars of my own fate,
and as the sidewalk ends,
it looks like the fork in the road leads
to polar opposite bends,
and before i make the same mistake again,
i'll take you with me this time so we can recreate
new definitions of beautiful together,
my little fountain pen.

Freewrite.

she is strength.
empowering barely sprouting seeds to bloom with blossom-like splendor,
she speaks like a mother and moves with subtle soul,
so significant that anyone that's someone should take notice;
seeing her from a distance makes my hope just
burst from the seams of my heart and longing dreams.
a short glance and i'm uncertainly working
up the nervous nerve to say hello and sound superb,
and hope from the bottom of my heart strings that she'll
share a few words,
and the greatest gift in this moment would be to listen
and remember how she feels, to know some of her history,
it would be a delight to hear the light in her voice
and the word selection, all her own choice,
and it would be exhilarating to have her focus on me,
I, whom has gone in and out of focus, waiting for this solstice,
wish to freeze frame time to capture her on oil canvas
and then die while starting back time because the portrait of her image
is priceless and translates understanding through all language
that she is care and all things wonderful there;
no one can compare.

For Her.

you always held me closer when i'd rather push away/
i'm finding that it's easiest to lose your way from the root/
the origin of love, unconditional i've rediscovered within you/
the advice you've given, true/
akin to periods of powerlessness i've been through/

through it all, i'm standing taller now/
f@#% impressing others, the best thing is having her blessing/
and blending it with broken souls in need of mending/
and sending it through, the same way living and dying angels knew to/
send it through magically, like a piece of d'angelo's voodoo/

do you know what you do?/
you transmit radiowaves of rejuvenation into the .am and .fm of my be-in'/
good vibes like cal tjader's, so much soul like vinroc's faders/
sweet anytime, like now or laters/
just let me say a little prayer, and constantly thank my Savior for allowing me to save her/
in my memory bank for all centuries and time/
i thank the essence of love, outlasting the most picturesque dawn/
breaking light to let me write this reminder, dedicated to Mom.

This Feeling That I Feel.

it's that feeling
the type you get when inner might injects
light and text
a neon idea sign found inside your mind
it's like something you've been chasing
is now finally found
patience can go adjacent when your writer's block is taken down.

it's that feeling
when you feel that something so good
so warm
so righteous
so AMAZING
flood your mind with a dozen morphine highs
and your stomach with gentle butterflies
pleasure so profound you feel bound to utter sighs
got the mute speaking fluent with this cure for cancered lives.

it's that feeling
of forgiveness when you're truly sorry
that feeling of enlightenment when you learn
the feel of progress after a pauseless period of hoping
just that feeling of fire when inspiration hits you.

how does it feel?
hopefully a feeling that doesn't go untitled
maybe it's akin to memories as a small child
the first time you kissed, first defeat of your rival
the first time you did what you loved and no longer felt in denial.

it's that feeling that exists in you and i
that maybe won't last forever
but will help us to better get by.

Hurts so bad.

it isn't easy to
manage my time wisely
without compromising my sanity kindly,
to suppress my cough, wheeze, or weakness
while at work getting by, keeping my flu a secret,
to say it's all good but hold back all the bad
not unleashing my demons but secreting these feelings with a dab,
to keep my eyes open reading these books or on the road
for keying essays or writing speeches when i'd rather key on my rhodes,
it isn't easy to do those things
but nobody said it would be,
nobody said what someone should have noted
that if i weigh everyone's satisfaction on my shoulders,
there's no way my own would get noticed
nobody said i would feel so weary and dreary,
that happiness is pursued and not promised through our rights in theory
nobody said it very clearly, that i would be lost,
making things work the way i wanted, that i'd be bossed
around, i'd be crossed with confusion and stares
for identifying as a minority in a college that don't care
i could have been more prepared,
i would have opened my eyes wider,
i should have climbed the highest tree, and jumped even higher
so is this poem's what i get when all is done and said,
or will i regret another decision to add right here instead?

I Crossed.

i crossed my fingers hoping to make this right,
and stayed up all night 2 get this sh$t tight.
i crossed my arms waiting for the chance,
the opportunity to come closer, advance.
enhanced by your possibility,
i'd chance one loss for one finity,
then to infinitely regret a shot of our own affinity.

i crossed an ocean of dreams to get to you
so to just for 1nce not wake up sad and blue.
i crossed an ocean of storms, snow and hail
to warm up next to you; there were no options to fail.
i crossed an ocean of tears so i'd smile the happiest smile, so true;

i crossed an ocean of words and finally i found you.

Filipino Dream.

I Pledge Allegiance
to truth
to the United States of
the Philippines
And to the Republic
that sends its own people to debt and other nations to death
One Nation
Under Jesus Christ
Indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for All.

For all,
With liberty + Justice For All.

I'm not pledging to a falsified flag
but to a state of identity that is bonafide, sad
The AMERICAN DREAM isn't in plain text
like those black and white Mark Ecko crewnecks
It Isn't about
staying silent in the face of oppression
+ guessing when you should alrady know your ancestors' lessons
The 'American Dream'?,
poses irrelevant schemes
on the hunt to kill an honest person's dreams

we've grown MUCH too accustomed to
European history + Majority history that
my own personal + Filipino history
has appeared to my eyes faceless like an unfinished mannequin,
clouded in mystery
So brainwashed in history that i've forgotten about her story
so now it's my turn to shed tears for my motherland
tears drop to the oceans distancing me from my people lacking an upper hand

I SEE
my Lola slipping $20 bills into my pocket,
myself fronting like I know my own native tongue but
I don't got it

I SMELL + TASTE
my mother cooking synagong slowly on a sunday morning from scraps and,
delicious lumpia patiently wrapped and,
i can taste the refreshingly cold halo-halo my Lola taught my Nanai how to make during excessively hot summers,
when room temperature tap water and nonexistent ice cubes were a real bummer

I FEEL
my father's frustrations
working 7 days a week, the utmost patience
putting out maximum effort for barely the minimum wage
i feel his rage, like a gorilla locked inside of a small cage

I HEAR
my Filipino Anthem
" Alab ng puso,
Sa dibdib mo'y buhay"
brilliantly harmonic voices and narratives spoken
from the veteranos that go through their post-traumatic stress on the daily

it's the Essence
of my ancestors blessings
whispering lessons
in dialects unknown, leaving me in question
whether it was meant to be because without the mystery,
i wouldn't be questing
cycle never ending, i need to find out for me
what it means to deserve this filipino identity
from this ground i stand on to the future stages that i'll stand on
i'll stand strong with my heritage for future generations to hand on.

Afterwords.

Afterwards, we speak other ways after words.
Eyes echo my soul's disposition,
body lang conveys more than your gaudy slang
your attire interludes a situational mood
inspiring me to make a move
inquiring me to come to you.
winks from your eyelashes
got me stuck like dry molasses,
after words,
things can either get rambunctious or redundant
collected or creative
powerful or pointless
leave billionaires coinless
the blind maybe just fine
or insanely out of their mind,
after words,
single actions instill military factions to march towards victory and death
silent rebellions spark nationwide attention and turnaround for bus passengers,
graffiti activists, helping hands and melting pot lands,
smiles, laughter, pleasure and additional chatter,
after words,
something is learned, what's always lost is time,
decisions decided or dangerous deals declined,
connections combine to create harmony in mind,
i could be yours and yourself mine,
after words??...
something special surfaces,
afterwards,
after words.

*Find Your Dreams.

And i wonder
when i slumber
am i truly in need of this rest?
it's just that
Buddhists are getting silenced and people are seeing panic
24 hours a second, endless, human beings can't remain restless.
And i wonder if i could just
somehow gift someone that really needs this piece of peace,
I wish I could just
upload my rest for someone,
suffering in unrest
to download to their soul.

What does it mean to catch some Z's?
zero currency in my wallet currently?
zoning and stoning out of my mind,
maybe it really means i'm
zapping any chance of advancing from this landscape?

to find your dreams and my own
we've gotta stop dreaming asleep,
rather start dreaming awake to utilize all opportunity to better
my comrades + community.
Sleep a lot less, dream a little more,
Fall deep into my heart until I hit my heart floor,
End all time wasted and touch on time taken
To dethrone the demons in me committing acts forsaken
Open up my arms that love to stay crossed
Hug someone low on hope so their dreams can't get lost
Tell my mom I love her, dad and sisters the same
Dream constantly but don't sleep, that's my habit I want to change.

To that girl.

i used to miss you.
i missed your kisses, phone calls,
cool calm collected conversation with me until 3:33 in the morning,
i missed seeing your face,
the way you used to look at me..
i missed missing you until the next time i could
say hello, and miss those butterflies
that drew love stoned aches following every uttered 'bye'.
i missed your lips, from the first time we kissed,
thinking to myself 'there's nothing that could ever top this'
if i had one wish, though, it would be
to erase these memories lingering with me
b/c recollecting over them has me going dizzy and weary
and every, single, time when i see you with him,
spurts of rejection and teardrops of depression set in
diseased with a love virus with no remedy to better me
they say that time heals everything
and i know that's some easy shit to say
but i'll swallow my nonsensibilities and keep on
because you hurt me,
worried me when you'd be off with this boy at the beach alone, hella parties when i had to go home;
i mean, shit;
you said I was your 'one and only'.
but obviously, you forgot
that lies + alibis will always be made apparent by truth's light from the darkness they're covered in,
robbed and destroyed of the pride and innocence that now has been smothered in
i guess i can say thanks to you for allowing me to experience this low
but forget you for allowing yourself to stoop to such a low
for disarming me to this degree of vulnerability
stripped of my armor, i look to my mother and father
for being committed and truthful for decades
and i apologize to the me that was blinded by love and couldn't see:
i'm sorry for depriving you of the happiness and joy you really deserved
i'm sorry for letting you cry yourself to bed, letting you feel guilty
and filthy for your honesty and integrity,
i'm sorry for being unfair with your opportunities and promise you that you're going to find that joy once more;
i'm going to see the most reliable confidant within myself,
bestow confidence when i meet someone new and not be afraid in my insecurity and past misery
because nothing's stopping me with this chance
to advance closer to someone that deserves my truth, wisdom and light,
someone that deserves my whispered words and sincerity,
someone that keeps their shit tight,
someone
for me.

Rising Down.

Down.
Just gotta calm
Down.
Down from this misery
scrambling to finish unraveling life's mystery
no longer any epiphanies, just doubt and worry sicken me,
Not sick like some ?uestlove remix or Jazzy Jeff mixtape shit,
Sick like listening to your father curse Heaven in outrageous fits,
Sick like pessimists believing they're dying more each day,
I'm getting sick of this type 'sickness', got to throw that vibe away,
And let positive vibes stay.

Falling down.
I'm falling down deeply into this quicksand from this man
That many feel the urge to 'stick it' to,
Blind to my slow demise of debt from unnecessary consumption,
Brainwashed from mass media to the point i'm learning nothing,
Fronting about my own personality so socially i'm not seen in my actuality
I'm falling down, right about now
Sure do wish i was falling up like the Peas when they stayed Behind the Front,
But to a seemingly endless downward sink is the pattern i'm clinging to,
False toast i'm drinking to, horrible nightmare i keep thinking to,
As i'm falling down into my own pit of despair.

When it all falls down,
I'll be waiting patiently
Like in white rooms of sterile air where patients be,
Not letting go of the truth and goodness received from my peers,
This aged war has brought far too long a debate that our great grandparents could relate,
Endless injustices leaving sisters brotherless,
Imbalanced families without direction, motherless;
Our freedom's at stake when our foundations start falling,
Eyes and mouths need to open to stir emotion and rally calling,
Stop freezing up when someone else falls from evil force without desire to stop flying
Take action or fret in ill regret because all of this lying
Has my heart drowned from overcrying
I'm over lying to myself deciding that ignorance is bliss,
Ignorance isn't shit, knowledge of self is;
Immerse yourself in positivity without stopping your learning,
All possibilities will be realized and when it all falls down,
You can shine the light in with open curtains.

*Losing My Ability.

I must confess
whenever i see you, i start to undress you,
both mentally and physically
and don't be offended,
i don't mind if you blush, or wanna make me feel rejected;
you just don't know what you do to me!.
every move you make makes me shake,
each sound syllable you utter melts me like fire to butter,
the gentle touch of your eyes and tug of your hug disarms me,
harms me in such a way that i just can't help but to convey
as something that hurts but heals,
sings sermons but steals,
opens every window in the universe! but seals,
blocks every sensory perception but still feels,
the aching need to somehow defy any convention and take me,
just take all of me in,
inhale my soul and swig me like gin,
be careless with merits but cringe to feel this sin,
wince and wither from your gentle whisper,
kid at how you make me feel like a kid again,
young at heart,
while subsequently you're the thief that pierces my lungs like a dart,
leaving me breathless,
and despite this lyrical excess of longing,
know that all i'm yearning for is that sense of belonging,
rainy days i'll be your awning,
admiring infinitely of your sincerity,
focused drive and crystal clarity,
because you're impairing me
of my vision, sight and touch,
got me losing everything except your very essence, explainable only by
your name
somehow still on my brain,
i want you in my life;
why can't it all be so simply and plain.

Fruition.newness, dream.magic

Come together,
fall into place,
follow through,
resolution,

Fantastic idea.
i've been searching for you.
upon pain-staked prowling
through my brain's dendrites
in hopes of accomplishing insight
to the explicitly excruciating delight
that my thoughts and peace of mind
rarely come across,
you touch me soft.

Almost like a random force of nature,
just like acts of divine intervention,
or the chances of my odds getting evened out with the lotto..
truly like witnessing a miracle meant to hollow out my
internal and external conflicts
all simultaneously,
you came to me.

Upon your presence,
do i turn a new leaf?
shun you sadly like some blue thief?
I could take the path meant for the advanceless,
+ entertain my common ideas, leave you taken for granted;
so sick of sharing this instance only with myself, keeping it candid..


I've just gotta share you with everyone!
the anticipation kills me and fills me with bursting pleasure,
you hit me heavy as hay makers do but light as a pillow,
will you be accepted? will you be rejected?
maybe only Heaven will know,
despite my anxiety of preeminent failure,
hope for you to flourish will still grow.

So defiant of convention and not stripped of your purity,
you bridge the gap of missing links
focus the blurred obscurity,
and simply make me think.
make me laugh with your ingenious wit,
pause to take you all in after i sit,
push me to strive higher for the clouds i'm aiming to land in;

You've got me.
got me fascinated with your possibilities,
sinking into your surround-sound blanket of clarity,
cleverly smiling to the comfort and improvement you've put into movement,
showered me in your raindrops of reality and promises staying kept;
because for so long i've wept
in asking my entire universe for an answer,
and you've finally, finally appeared
to me as i slept.

daytrippin w/ larissa

Overcast day, we were sober that day
Drove in my ride to leave our place + get away
Little Brother crooning 'home',windows getting foggy
turn the up the AC and volume, heat up our bodies
rain trickles softly, taps the windows rhythmlessly
if there's anything more soothing it had to come from this beat
i'm nodding with it, you nod in syncopation
turn signal shines rhythmically to my nerdy elation
on this highway of inspiration we exit university ave
make a right on shattuck so we on the right path
I hit a bump, you act rash, sig on me, i laugh it off
i need some yummy in my tummy like a burger next to hasslehoff
hit up blondie's pizza, dash thru rain to amoeba
pick up some new music, hit up shirt orgy enseguida
browse the tees + reminisce 'bout this one and thatta one
our meter's almost done so we retire, had our fun
bump a mixtape with our favorite slow jams
the night is comin quick on our trip back to the flatlands
we feelin thirsty so stop by ranch99
a milk tea snow bubble would suffice, tastes mighty fine
back on i-80, only stop to pay the toll
on our way 'home', play that LB again, need that groovin soul
it wasn't my goal but i stole a long glance
your clothes and hair wet and sexy, feel slight baltice in my pants
but i won't advance, i just quietly admire
how someone fly like you could share my same musical fire
head to the lab, bump our new treasure
lost in music, lost in time, i could stay lost this way forever.

'giving thanks to you'

whenever i see you, i want to feel you.
whenever you ache, i want to heal you.
& whenever you're alone and down, i want to steal you.
i want to take you away from bad company,
lose all my chips to you in hold em',
hold hands throughout a movie,
and harmonize to your voice in a sweet melody.
because time erases precious moments all too quickly
and to go through a moment without sharing that moment with you
would leave me suffocating and sickly
I can't stop time and spend a single moment,
alone with you forever.
and i know it's selfish and greedy to even imagine such a wish,
and so i realize i'd be trapping us in my own form of watered down display
as would be owning a goldfish
but why restrict my love to the limitness of an aquarium?
when my love exceeds the limitless waters of the pacific, atlantic and indian oceans,
yet the volume of every body of water combined from this divine planet
still could not match the amount of love and devotion my soul would flow for you.
and thus with you, i'll stay true
truer than the true blue hue of the oceans and clear sky
truer than tears wept out of pain for loved ones passed away, from a heartachy cry
as true as the most truthful honesty shining through gentle strength and sound wisdom
and more true than the true colors of a rainbow deflected from white light through a prism
with you i'll stay true, not because
i approach you and i cautiously,
not because this is how love ought to be, nor because we're on display for all to see
but i'll stay true because i love you through our bond together,
that emits a love light shining uncommonly
i'd spend my whole life through,
just giving thanks to you.
thanks because in this unmapped road of dead ends and loops
you send me on the right path,
in the search to make me whole, you're my missing other half
i love to hear you giggle and i love it when you make me laugh and
i love tandemly reminiscing on a sigh
thanks because you've gifted me vision to see you as more than a woman,
and you to me as just another guy
thanks for showing me the beauty and possibilities beyond glamour
and simply opening your private, secret world to share with one
as undeserving as me
thank you for giving me a chance to share a dance,
to possibly submit myself to romance
and thank you,
in advance,
for any future joys your words, actions and touch echo and produce
like some galactic tribal chant
in my position i'll walk towards the sea from river banks because
the thought of your memory is simply the greatest tiding
and it's exciting
privately hoping for just one another chance to reach the end of the horizon
because with you,
the impossible isn't surprising, just a possibility worth trying,
and the instances i share with you
shine eternally timeless like the perfect diamond.

'closer'

it's hard for me to believe that beyond the reality of my dreams there could ever be,
someone,
like you.
someone who could change my mood,
make me feel brand new,
fill my mentality with wonder..
in the chilliest of cold spells have my temperature
in the degrees of summer
and have me focus not on the overlay but what's hidden from under
even when you're gone and not around
your memory stays
and though we all rush to accomplish our agendas
wisdom's taught us that patience pays
for patience is a virtue
and if we ever get together i'd never hurt you
through any argument for i'd be only hurting myself
there's always casualties in these verbal wars
but the make ups nurse us back to health
just being by your side is a massive joy
felt ever so heavenly
and just hearing your voice soul speaking has me praising you
with amens and let it bes
and i know it's wrong minded but i need speak
on what's been going down profusely
but when i shop around, tickle ivories or sit down at the movies
i think about you and i know i say it cooly
but it's unruly to leave out what you don't know
simply stated that from these daily-life essays i compose
your image is my inspiration on the margins from my awakening inhale to sighing doze
in my daydreams i'll arrange symphonies and stream away themes of enchanting melodies
inspired by you
inside my imagination i'll kneel down to propose to you
and in my slumber is where insecurity and control fade til i'm unafraid to maybe
sway your way and hand my soul unto you,
yet,
these are all things i wouldn't mind doing in the real,
to you,
and it comes to my observance that when you smile, paradise blooms
angels lose their angelic serenity when you're alone
and when you sigh in contentment,
heaven seems closer to home.

'remember'

short term memory getting the best of me
between oblivion and my mind lay your heavenly entity
blessing me, caressing me,
asking me to give the best of me,
existing in an instance then vanished from my destiny
i've died a little since, agitated and distressed
searching my mind, eyes closed, sucking my thumb like a breast
fetal position so maybe you'll come to me in my rest
touching bottom in my consciousness like floors to a wedding dress
now awake in my sleep, i dive through every mental seam
gasping for air from each cranny and nook stored in my dreams
infinite fantasies, soft and cool like ice cream
but none takes place of the one of you that i fiend
a daydream you existed and died in, that's the problem
a piece of serenity through serendipity, not uncommon
but it's too common how i get weak and drift like an angel, fallen
struggling unsuccessfully to remember what i've forgotten.