cuz Eileen told me to =P

I love you
I don't think I told you that enough
matter of fact
and more importantly
I never showed you enough
see we had something that was unmeasurable by wordly standards 
and it was love that could not be contained
it was something to run to, to take off the strain
and I regretfully have to say that it does not remain
anymore
just like the shifting sands of the gobi dessert
or the constantly metling Glaciers of the Antarctic 
we 
have
changed
and again importantly
our love
has
changed
it is the only currency that stays current
like the currents of the ocean
it does not mean I love you less
it just means it's changed
shape shifted
to fit these times we are in
shape shifted
to match the new weve begin
molded and pressed
under the pressure that was straining to keep us together
and I am sorry
for making you endure it.
I am sorry I was never the man you wanted me to be
when I wishes were too little
and words were not enough
that change in me came too late
and our seperation came too soon
I try to stand tall but
my thoughts on I wishes
are becoming heavy weights 
hung around my neck
and it's humbling me to my knees
realizing the consequences of un-thought
through actions
and the re-actions of it all
and all I can do
is look up at you
as I fall

the coupe de grace
as my boyancy
is displaced
and my emotions boil over
spilling out on this page
and I can not numerate
or find the answer 
to my love locked equation.
see the answer I keep getting is zero...
I was searching for that height 
where heaven and earth met
not realizing that was a distance easily
reached between your head and toes
which just goes to show
that love lost is found 
but Right now I'm more at a loss
and with this my heart that I cross
I shall never deny you
of what was rightfully yours 





 

never finished

...this was supposed to help me out. maybe it kinda did because i dont know how to continue writing on it since ive passed my anger/frustration. i figure it isnt worth it being that angry and to finish writing it means re-living it and i dont want to be angry. especially not at you even though i have every right to be. its unfinished like most of what i write and i've intentionally mis-spelled two words but whatever here we go

i hope this doesnt fall on deaf ears
i'm realizing now that i have to be heard
to tell a story that's slightly absurd
now i'm trying to make sense
and straighten out my words
cuz for now they're just sort of stumbling out
when they should be on fire aimeed straight for her heart.
and i know theres a few who can relate to what im talking about.
so breathe in...
calm cool and steady...
WAIT FUCK THAT
this weapon is cocked back
and my words are aimeed and ready.
ready to explode
to spread my thoughts
that i've been trying to hold.
how could you...HOW COULD YOU!!!...
say those things that kept me strung along
every lyric had me believing every word of you song
when i was wrong
it was just a melody i wanted to hear
like keeping the song in my head
was a false pretense to keeping you near
because a girl like you was something i wanted to revere
you werent scared of lions tigers and bears
yet loving me was something scary
and so i was your silent secret that hid in closets and closed mouths
because you were too damn scared of speaking out
but little did they know you held my hand and called me baby
we hid under bed sheets and drove each other crazy
because behind closed doors you were mine
and for you that seemed fine
but my love doesnt cower and it doesnt place blame
so what we had is now burning up in flames
and i promised myself after this poem i recite
that i can forget you and what you were to me
as i blow these ashes out the mic.

high six

super unfinished and not edited but its cool. oh and just to let you know i have six fingers on my right hand and only my right hand weirrrrrrrrd i know.

too often i stare at my hands
wondering
contemplating and differentiating
between what my hands tend to do
and what they intend to do
because there is a difference.
are they bound to a life
of meager work
that match their feminine stature?
or are they mean for that gritty shit
that's reflected from the scars and
grease that cover them.
Or perhaps does their misshapen symetry
have a particular use that has not been revealed to me?
Is their unique shape that missing
puzzle piece that makes my
hand fit yours in such a perfect manner
that i makes it hard to let you go?
I'd like my hands to have that unique ability
to change whatever it was I touched
from it's original form,
to something better.
I want them to leave imprints and impressions
so deep in whatever i touch
that they make caves in people's souls,
so that my song may resonate and
resound in them like and echo
that never fades.
my hands yearn for that touch so electric,
that they'd go numb in the instance
that we meet.
That kind of touch that sends a shock to
your heart and makes it skip a beat
or two
or three.
Thay want to be free
to explore the curves around that girl's face
and find their warmth entangled with her hair,
and maybe lose feeling from a bite on their
wrist.
As clumsy and faulty as my hands can be
they tend to find their confidence
during certain times.
Like when they are wrapped around a pen
dancing across pages
or when they are grasping tight
to a steering wheel.
or better yet
when they are shaky and inconfident
they find their strength when
they are clasped around yours
as if in the mids of their torrential trembling
they find a calm in the storm
when you happen to be around.

yeahhhhh

she is the song i cant get out of my head.
that tone that rings in your ears.
you've disrupted my highest
and lowest frequencies.
i've learned to only hear your song.