i just want to win you over everyday after my mouth makes filth outta your ears,
with things intangible like love and its opposites, kindness, brutal honesty (i will tell you when i'm fucking pissed and i will tell you when i'm in the wrong. fuck me.), and the excitement of doubt.
regrets may vary,
but you ought to know,
i'd join the dark side to preserve this feeling, if i felt that it would.
i hope that means something to you.




happy new year! :]

no longer just me.

i forgot how sexy this type of talking, this well thought burst projection makes me feel.
bare skin on point, freshly cut grass,
and the dirty shit that sticks to me just makes what revolves around your head
from the source of these parted lips fuckin’ clean.
and, it’s gotta sound mean, the rawness of me yelling at these eyes that have witnessed the hate of the world stackin’ around him like boulders that man technoed into houses and cities.
it seems to block off the history of the sweat he loses towards saving his future life.
releases liquid but never drips off what really matters,
‘cause he understands the war but ain’t havin’ it.
it's no longer enough to absorb the words of others reminding me of how overwhelming his presence creates a presence in my own,
'cause he got me. and, look,
those beautiful, brown irises have seen the full moon blooming around his dirty steps with its specific light.
my Light, making sure my shadow stays safe till this smile kisses any spot that hasn’t been touched within the last 24 hours.
my mind yells all day and night because of this in my life,
reverberation all over temples built to breath and relax and find what i’m looking for as I listen to myself,
mixing a feeling of all of you.
satisfied don’t even begin.
I’m glowing as a woman in love, swearing good words.
alls a sudden it’s not oh fuck,
it’s oh FUCK, oh GOD!
this fucking fool keeps my smile purified, filtering these dirty thoughts to be
justified by minor romantics,
motivation perked the motions of time to continue onwards till life do I part,
and listeners,
these are the rhymes that I’m obliged to birth. My love child poem.
I don’t want to know if there ever will be a comedown from this happy flight.
finally,
it’s happened to me,
someone to fight with, instead of just fight for.
these guns I’ve crafted glow rusty, this amnesty has passed an unquestionable legislation,
simply every gear in me turns yes for your respect
and, love, all I ever really ask for is time.
time to save the bullets since peace is never ceratin,
and I sense you’re my perma friendly fire.
don’t let me hurt you to simply feel more.
understood that this adventure is about describing emotions in a believable way.
time spent with me to realize it’s us that I love, not just you, and no longer just me.

all the little tidbits i've saved in the notepad of my phone put together in a less awkward mess than when i found them....probably still work on this one a bit more.

on the way home from school.

the crosswalk times shorter across the highway.
i know these buses won't take me directly to you, but this city is small and i'm worthy even if i'm still paying off my dues.
i'm travelling linear, packing light. got those dirty soles beneath each step,
and all i can think is someday, without you,
this soul will have to walk the ends towards other destinations.
right now, i don't even mind our sometimes repetition,
this girl's got low tolerance for shit like that.
but, i don't look back and i know this trail i go runs down, sunken deep, and,
shit, i'm comin' home.
tired arms around me,
nothing sweet in our insults, fuck,
i can't get a nice word across when all i wanna give you is all the fuckin' romantic things that'll make you wanna hold me, kiss me, throw me in bed, and make you want to wake up next to my side of the world, wherever i am, whenever i am, for however long i am, till love do we start day in and night out.
you're insulting and i'm repulsive, but we smile, big, wide,
something sugary tingling through our tongues, anyway.
and, i must love you, 'cause you have some of my biggest pet peeves.
these footprints, asking me when the hot sun shines on them,
cries for me when the rain fills them up and threatens to wash away evidence of this blooming dedication,
and, if it snowed in san francisco, i'm sure i'd hear the question in every little flake filling up my tiny footprints that lead to you,
will i ever want someone else as much as i do you?
the 22, J, L, and N lines, the fuckin' 28, 16th & mssion, balboa, civic center, taxi! taxi!!
my moving, happy feet.
so many options to find you.

ah, to write again.

i feel like fucking up,
i'm aware that i'm in deep enough to hurt the both of us,
but, amor...i'm just scared.
because if we last long enough to somehow make the rest of our lives work,
i can't imagine the sacrifices that would have to be made.
one of us has to give up all that we've been working for.
so,
amor,
what should we be living towards?
i'm caged from all directions in this United System,
been climbing for higher education,
trying to reach the top of this metal only to awake everyday for with a sunny view of captivity;
been flying through time for bullshit i'm trying to be passionate about,
but only you inspire me nowadays.
it's all i know so, how can i leave this way? i won't ever want you to stay.
but, i admit,
i can't even dream anymore without you;
soon...again, soon, your overworked, two jobs back to back arms will be holding me in whatever little pool of seconds the world allows us to bask in.
i'm about let a beautiful brown brother feel that i'm falling in love with him all over, yet again.
'cause the scent of your tired skin and happy heart affect my tastebuds and
your name falls like honey from my lips for any reason.
i work harder, step happier, stand stronger,
knowing that when i relax into your tired bones, i deserve to be living beside you.
so sweet is this simple love, progressing all naturally.
and quite suddenly,
i understand why baduism states,
"you be boy and i'll be girl."
i've seen this in the world and this feeling is not new to me.
universe, ---he places me in his heart unfiltered;
sediments of shortcomings and regrets broken down by his hands towards these confusions of worth, clear like sudden epiphanies.
this is a simple romance,
cleansing purified water flaming ice through your chest.
it is not new to me,
but this happiness is.
this worry is.
everyday is suddenly new.


(this is incomplete.
plug: check out my radio show every tuesday 11AM to noon, KSFS.SFSU.EDU
listen to me talk stupid, play some jams, and occasionally do some words spoken!) hehe.

a snippet of my secret.

you’ve brought reading to another level,
i feel all flushed with fever.
but, instead of killing me softly,
I feel life in every morning after the unrest of the night.
I won’t listen to warnings of my heart being empty
when I know that within every single step,
my mind is getting stronger with the work out of sending vivid hopes of you from nerve to nerve.
my nerd,
my nerd,
you bring me to better aspirations,
I dream in the day again, far from R.E.M. cycles that don’t understand the loving kiss of the bright sun.
this pain you’ve jotted down has set my soul on fire
everyday since I have met you, I wonder,
have I found the spiritual confidence I have been looking for?
even if I was fooling myself I am completely grateful.
you might as well pass be the dunce hat and call me the city idiot if I didn’t take advantage of the hope and inspiration planted by your hands.
you write of love and of hope and I applaud you.
ashamedly,
I’m not even that honest when I write.
turn of phrase and double meanings,
a story within a planned out, well-executed concentration of words
yet, still so fearful of the messages I truly want to expose.
I’ve been so afraid of writing about you,
yet I dream about you listening,
you watching,
and you reading
knowing exactly which carefully chosen words are sincerely surrounded around my heart’s vision of you.
and,
I dream that one day, you’ll never have to write about hope so often, so in depth.
I know I can love you until you don’t accept loneliness anymore.
and, if that doesn’t work,
i’m going to love you every single lonely night for the rest of our existence,
so long as you love waking up on our side of the lonely world as much as I do.
your words.
you’ve somehow made me a better person.
I’m pushing forward, I’m pushing on.
sometimes, I am truly over it.
but, secretly, I read your writings,
because secretly,
I still dream of you.

the sun'll love your skin.

i've got these
Dark shades -

be melting in your mouth,
you want to give a little pout,
hopin' the sun will love your skin.
wide hips, you know your baby love this,
got those curves God just kissed;
touching beauty with these hands.
just listen:

baby girl, you're at the point of no return.
there's rings all up your neck,
his fingers to match them.
oxygen slowly redeveloping tumors of pain.
your temple of skin, bruised and scratched
it seems you've forgotten
you're more than sexfaction,
his actions equal your reactions.
-yet, it's lackin'
the part where you should love yourself more.
fuck the mirror, your colorful cosmetics, those jeans that make you lean.
walk with it,
reach for the door.
please,
ignore the fence and the other side.
don't let hate push you on your knees
just take a look around
the grass is always greener if you're willing to live and die with your feet on the ground.
smell the air,
the world may be polluted,
least it's a whole lot more fresh
than those broken beats you put on repeat inside your chest.

ooooooh...don't it sound so good girl,
just to make him laugh?
see, you could still make him smile without givin' him
some of that
integrity, strength,
and self-respect.
something a lot of us understand,
and just don't ever get.
it gets a whole lot harder for people to feel whole
takes a whole lot more than two arms to embrace our souls.
i wonder,
how hard must we work on the individual?
some folks help others and seem like they've got it all.
but, we work hard to get by.
so, now you know money,
then you must know fun,
sistah, i know you was pocketless
toddler in your diapers happily playing with everyone.
but, back in the day was something else,
love was something else,
something beautiful, and and...and stupid.
couldn't duplicate such a wonderful mess...
...until you fall in love again and again and out and over just as much as the last,
may be even more than before
if you're not too tired, not too scared,
open these eyes and take it back.
to that growing feeling
when happiness left ignorance to become perserverence.
tell me,
are you even living?
your breast are moving up and down with that oxygen,
but when you want to scream the most, the air won't hear a sound.
love, let it all out.
you may never feel complete...so...
fuck perfection,

'cause
i've got these
Dark shades -
be melting in your mouth,
you want to give a little pout,
hopin' the sun will love your skin, too.
wide hips, you know your baby love this,
got those curves God just kissed;
touching beauty with these hands. (x2)

love, just let it all out.

first post.

i was just really excited to finally write something i really felt after so long. unedited, unsure, and definitely unorganized...for surely gonna work on this some more. in fact, i don't even know if i want all of these parts to form just one piece...i might take it apart...but, eh!



it's no longer in my stride to be a queen,
never saw the reflection of a princess
but, i look at my sistahs and we all deserve more than this;
hierarchy or peasants,
we all high maintenance.
yet, pure diamonds and dolla bills can't even touch this.
we, the human race, emotional be our basis,
sexy forms our taste,
know that love is still love if you throw it away.
we the human race...
lonely be thy name.
then...hollow shortly follows.

so, darling, from the start, place me in your heart
as your equal,
though my eyes aren't exactly at your level,
i promise as two people,
if you're down,
we'll breath just as hard, just as strong as one another;
screams and sweats,
your place, my place, in the movement of the night,
and the warmth of the sun,
--i will match you.
we will be at a constant battle
on loving more than the other;
never content, always smiling eventually.
embrace it open.
please,
take it sensually,
save it in memories,
we'll keep loving as an equinox within all four seasons.
i could joke about being the shit
but, it's a fact that i'm just an exceptional woman.
so...get.at.this.
memorize these lips against the span of your own,
your constant smiles as my home.
our worries as significant as our doubt,
humidity ain't a thing sweetheart,
perspiration can't be enough to frighten you away.
chase entirety,
happy sigh in adoration of our collision.
and,
redirect traffic to look at me.
i'm willing to crash.