a couple of parkbench moments-

Time/ people/ multiplying/ footsteps/ crossing
Do they excel too fast for me to acknowledge the ever present beauty of simplicity?
Has humanity overlooked me
As it leaves paper trails of cash and receipts across a tormented dirty pavement,
now a non living earth too late for revival?
Is this abyss our basis for survival?
As the wondering wind blows tugging at the surface of my skin
I ponder the conception of this social genesis
Where cell phones rule over everyday communal interactions
Millions of media images swarming the night sky competing with divinitys stars like an ultra pixilated electric black hole
sweeping across a metropolis.
I long for the return of the morning
with visions of dreams still fresh at thought,
Yesterdays troubles rested on the bedpost
assuring that this is a new day
Life’s lurkin around the curtain waiting for me to unsquint my eyes
Praying for me to see more clearly
not just thru ocular lenses but thru the windows reflecting the visions inside
Where so easily I can find the words, in the perfect language, with the
perfect definition, intention, and auditory inflection to express my wanting to simply connect back
2 one.
& my soul can’t help but ask what can be sweeter than that?
…
In meditative response
I respire
Taking in one more breath of air as I contemplate
our parallel addiction to growth.
Just wanting to be up there
high as the wise trees that hover above me
I long to have a story to tell of my own
My dreams reflect my gratitude, my visions, and positive transformations in life
Wishing to express and record
I save words in loose leaf pocketbooks as chapter beginnings left open to never finish following the pattern of infinity
I hold my palms open to receive and to offer graceful inspiration
continuing a cycle of maintaining balance
And I am learning to help myself
Pennin’ better poems and following thru
my visions of light beyond curious darkness
aware of the beauty found in stars during a true night sky
balance pushes me closer to the horizon to realize that in moments the sun will rise and I must be ready
because who else will but me

LOVIN THE LOVE

Here's something I wrote a couple months back on this lil, fresh jazzy beat. Peace!!

VERSE ONE:
BEEN A LONG ASS TIME WHEN I STARTED WHAT WE HAD
WE WAS SHORTIES IN LOVE, YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL GRADS
COULDN’T OVERCOME THE FUTILE AND PETTY FIGHTS
ARGUMENTS, EGO TRIPS AND ME ALWAYS BEIN RIGHT
SOMETHIN SPECIAL SEEN IN HER SOUL
EVERYDAY GO THE DRAMA, YOU HAD THE STARRING ROLE
BUT THE BURNING FIRE BETWEEN US GOT TOO HOT
IM SORRY UR NOT- UR SORRY, IM NOT
MOVED ON, A BOND, DISMAL, DISTANT AND GONE
MILLION SUNRISES PASSED, A MILLION BREAKADAWNS
THO I KNEW INSIDE WE NEEDED YEARS APART
NOT AN END TO MY BEST FRIEND, SHE ALWAYS HAVE MY HEART
HAD TO DO UR THING, I DO MY THING
FUCKED AROUND WITH THE CONCEPT OF HAVING NO STRINGS
AND I DON’T REMEMBER HALF THEIR NAMES
COULDN’T CARE LESS WHEN THEY ALL ACTED THE SAME


VERSE TWO:
STILL KEPT YOU IN MIND AND I NEVER LET GO
HOPIN ONE DAY WE COULD CONTINUE OUR SHOW
LET ALL OF EARTH AND ALL OF MARS KNOW
ILL PUT ASIDE MY EGO SO WE CAN GROW
AND FINISH WHAT WAS ONCE DIMINISHED
TAHITI, ROME, PARIS, WE COULD TRY VENICE
NEW YORK, LA , OR STAY IN VALLEJO
SHOW U OFF OR SHUTTER THE UTTERS TO STAY LOW
IT DON’T MATTER WHERE WE ARE
ON EARTH, IN WIND, FIRE-SHE MY SHINING STAR
ANOTHER LEVEL, SOULS STAY PARALLEL
MY HEART GETTING CHOKED LIKE LATRELL SPREWELL
BUT IM LOVIN THE LOVE YOU GOT FOR ME
HOLD IT TIGHT ON EVERY ARTERY
ASHAME HOW OTHER FOOLS KEEP PASSIN YOU BY
NOT TO ME-DON’T WANT U ON THAT PHARCYDE
NO REASON TO FIGHT IT, NO REASON TO HIDE IT
EYES SHINE BRIGHT AND GOT ME BLINDSIGHTED
PILLOW TALK, DISCOVERIN YA SOUL AND LISTENIN
EYES CLOSED, YET THE RADIANCE IS STILL GLISTENIN


VERSE THREE:
PURELY POSSESED, LEAVIN A TRAIL OF TRANQUILITY
CAN’T LIVE WITH EM, CANT KILL EM BUT SHE FEELIN ME
AINT GON MISS THIS SECOND OPPORTUNITY
LETS BLOSSOM ETERNALLY SO WILLINGLY
YOU WORTH IT, LETS LET IT UNEARTHEN
MY PLAYER WAYS WASHED AWAY LIKE DETERGENT
TIME IS NOW, TAKE A SEAT ON YA THRONE
WEAR YA CROWN, HOLD IT AS YOUR OWN
LIGHTS FILL EVERY ROOM WITH YA PRESENCE
GIFTED BY GOD, EASILY GOT THE ESSENCE
OF SOMETHIN SO BEAUTIFUL SO SPECIAL
OUT OF THIS WORLD LIKE AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL
LIKE ET DID KIDS, YOU CAPTURED MY HEART
BRING OUT THE SUPERMAN LIKE LOIS AND CLARK
SHE LOVE MY HEROIC FLOW AND SWAG
ALWAYS A PLAYER? I GIVE HER THE WHITE FLAG


HOOK:
I’M LOVIN THE LOVE YOU GOT FOR ME
LET’S FLY AWAY FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE
WE COULD MAKE THIS OUR OWN MOVIE
MY FANTASY TURNED REALITY
I’M LOVIN THE LOVE YOU GOT FOR ME
A BOND SHARED SO NATURALLY
SO MUCH POTENTIAL, SO MUCH BEAUTY
NO MORE DARK DAYS, THESE DAYS ARE SUNNY

a good fit.

[freewrite]

i feel like i'm bursting outta my skin
just to remember when my bones felt solid
i'm struggling to feel like breathing's gonna take me places
instead i find myself living from inhale to exhale
forgetting everything that ensued inbetween
forgetting i had aims to pursue something inbetween

and in the middle of all of this chaotic noise
i find myself struggling to hear your echos
distorted in all of this mess of a life
confused up in a language i forgot to study more

i'm tied up and tired of tying loose ends
just so i feel connected at the end of the day
but i'll admit, i was hardly ever well put together
just barely catching myself after i trip and slip up
making missteps with this heavy heart pulling me down

and in the middle of all this quiet inner insanity
i'm on a mission to make amends
my heart and my head have got to make up their mind
let reason coincide with the unreasonable heart of mine
i've got this
i'm down for all the uncertainty i'm pursuing here
in the middle of a struggle to remember a time and a place
a good fit where we made good sense
and maybe in the end of it
i won't have to keep tying our loose ends together
days when we couldn't make it make sense
days when the struggle was impossible to cure
but my heart knows better
i know our time has passed and i'm lost looking for that spot
that place we belonged

i don't know where you fit now
but i know your memory is tucked safely away
in my past.
and now (for now)
...that makes complete sense.

Don't Oppress My Ovaries

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The Fabric of our Lives

Such a hero

An American Hero

Bought a dream today

Intricately decorated patterns

Seams seemingly pieced together peace by peace

What’s the point?  Needle point

Weaving together through time

 

Such a hero

An American Hero

Feeding her his sweat and leaving her a sea men would do that too

“Boom Boom?” left her a beating palpitate through her

breaking the seams

torn open

her eyes glistening over

Another day like this, like this, like this

Seams seemingly fall apart at what it seams to be tomorrow’s count

Such a hero

An American Hero

A seamstress, we’ve all become

Let’s sew it back together

Sew, sew me how

Let’s.

dontoppressmyovaries.blogspot.com

blue skies fly by as i wonder why
whether what i do is worthwhile
or if its just my
way to cope with the past
or to avoid being mad, it's sad how

gray skies stand still forever until
i find a reason to climb hills
and find the one whereby
i rise above gray skies
and clear my gray mind, and yet

i rise and i fall, too often it seems
sun beams through clouds not often enough
or... maybe i'm wrong
maybe it's the way i wear shades all day
to stop the sun flow

i miss my brothers. i miss my sisters.
i hide behind walls of silicon
anonymous my name, forgetting my game
reason to live is to escape the flame
hide from what is, deny what exists

but this is a mistake.

i shut you out with a smile and a nod
a friendly motherfucker, but by god
you try to get close i clam up in shell
i feed you information to bring us together
i can't help it, but i can't decide whether
these bits are true and if thats what i really am

everybody knows me better than i know myself.
why, then, am i not letting them help me?
i'm just a blind person performing surgery.
it's a lonerectomy, trying to remove the part of me
that gives up, that hides away.

tomorrow brings another bright sky
bright sky hangs high as i wonder why
whether what i do means something
or if it's just my way to move on
or if i'm just standing still.

still up

the headache from no sleep...lurks.
there it stands, there it waits insecure.
perched atop a mellow tree that always bends
all friends, all family are poked by fall bark ends.

the wind will blow then the tree will sway,
just to bother all others along the haze.
the line of few amidst the maze,
will be tapped by the tree to see clouds above daze
night shall descend into a offering of new light
9 nimbus brain sights just play out whats right.
the rest is just at best...all hype,

so...1 will come forth and challenge the sadness.
worried through signs from a morning dream's practice
whats the madness all mean from just an idle question.
when the session is with an idol from which I have gained an obsession.
keep searching the lesson on why she was mentioned
yes, that person where love lost and leaving had been destined...


"Confusion Over Dreams..."

strive

a goodbye gift for my friend ljay ricardo :)

project completed with help from andrew ibarra

been a while, huh. ohhh scribbling...

on the way home from school.

the crosswalk times shorter across the highway.
i know these buses won't take me directly to you, but this city is small and i'm worthy even if i'm still paying off my dues.
i'm travelling linear, packing light. got those dirty soles beneath each step,
and all i can think is someday, without you,
this soul will have to walk the ends towards other destinations.
right now, i don't even mind our sometimes repetition,
this girl's got low tolerance for shit like that.
but, i don't look back and i know this trail i go runs down, sunken deep, and,
shit, i'm comin' home.
tired arms around me,
nothing sweet in our insults, fuck,
i can't get a nice word across when all i wanna give you is all the fuckin' romantic things that'll make you wanna hold me, kiss me, throw me in bed, and make you want to wake up next to my side of the world, wherever i am, whenever i am, for however long i am, till love do we start day in and night out.
you're insulting and i'm repulsive, but we smile, big, wide,
something sugary tingling through our tongues, anyway.
and, i must love you, 'cause you have some of my biggest pet peeves.
these footprints, asking me when the hot sun shines on them,
cries for me when the rain fills them up and threatens to wash away evidence of this blooming dedication,
and, if it snowed in san francisco, i'm sure i'd hear the question in every little flake filling up my tiny footprints that lead to you,
will i ever want someone else as much as i do you?
the 22, J, L, and N lines, the fuckin' 28, 16th & mssion, balboa, civic center, taxi! taxi!!
my moving, happy feet.
so many options to find you.

Come back...

Here's a little something I've written. It might not be much but its a start on my road to recovery hehe. Written to Say You Will (instrumental)-Kayne West

I live in a fantasy free to take the scene,
clean and purified through methods unseen,
blind but able to feel through the toes,
from the earth I was born so to her I go,
To experience the spices of life,
because I can't go feeling like I lived twice,
that other life that is far gone from me,
we don't share the same lifeline that set us free,
Free...the concept that eluded my grasp,
when one attains another is enslaved,
I'd rather be jailed and harshly derailed,
if it means helping another soul set sail,
To find the strength to stand to raise one's hand,
a victory captured in a grain of sand,
as it takes one out of millions to speak,
to change the world and be the best at our peak.

When you reach the mountain peak don't be afraid to,
speak you've earned it through your own right of will,
a testament to the power of the minds skill,
knowledge unattained from red or blue pills,
Unreal...is the language of the overdose,
the rush of chemicals to make you feel comatose,
and bed bound unable to feel or hear sound,
a young wasted mind ready to be grave bound,
So pray for a savior that she may kind,
to relax you like the sight of blue skies entwined,
a revelation let go of all that was confined,
a sign no more smoke in your lungs you'll breathe fine,
Inhale all thoughts and keep it deep in your heart,
for safe keeping as this world is demeaning,
so say what you will but may your words have weight,
hit em like a ton of bricks to make em contemplate,
Because the powers that be don't see you and me,
all they see is another clone in a vast majority,
so lets prove them wrong with our mighty souls song,
a fearless melody that will last forever long...

never finished

...this was supposed to help me out. maybe it kinda did because i dont know how to continue writing on it since ive passed my anger/frustration. i figure it isnt worth it being that angry and to finish writing it means re-living it and i dont want to be angry. especially not at you even though i have every right to be. its unfinished like most of what i write and i've intentionally mis-spelled two words but whatever here we go

i hope this doesnt fall on deaf ears
i'm realizing now that i have to be heard
to tell a story that's slightly absurd
now i'm trying to make sense
and straighten out my words
cuz for now they're just sort of stumbling out
when they should be on fire aimeed straight for her heart.
and i know theres a few who can relate to what im talking about.
so breathe in...
calm cool and steady...
WAIT FUCK THAT
this weapon is cocked back
and my words are aimeed and ready.
ready to explode
to spread my thoughts
that i've been trying to hold.
how could you...HOW COULD YOU!!!...
say those things that kept me strung along
every lyric had me believing every word of you song
when i was wrong
it was just a melody i wanted to hear
like keeping the song in my head
was a false pretense to keeping you near
because a girl like you was something i wanted to revere
you werent scared of lions tigers and bears
yet loving me was something scary
and so i was your silent secret that hid in closets and closed mouths
because you were too damn scared of speaking out
but little did they know you held my hand and called me baby
we hid under bed sheets and drove each other crazy
because behind closed doors you were mine
and for you that seemed fine
but my love doesnt cower and it doesnt place blame
so what we had is now burning up in flames
and i promised myself after this poem i recite
that i can forget you and what you were to me
as i blow these ashes out the mic.