this is nothing great.. this post is due to this very shitty monday..

do you really need to validate my worth through another person?

i’m choking, kicking, palpitating,

fighting, crying,

begging, and

yelling…………………. silently……………..

for answers that you can’t seem to provide me.

ah, to write again.

i feel like fucking up,
i'm aware that i'm in deep enough to hurt the both of us,
but, amor...i'm just scared.
because if we last long enough to somehow make the rest of our lives work,
i can't imagine the sacrifices that would have to be made.
one of us has to give up all that we've been working for.
so,
amor,
what should we be living towards?
i'm caged from all directions in this United System,
been climbing for higher education,
trying to reach the top of this metal only to awake everyday for with a sunny view of captivity;
been flying through time for bullshit i'm trying to be passionate about,
but only you inspire me nowadays.
it's all i know so, how can i leave this way? i won't ever want you to stay.
but, i admit,
i can't even dream anymore without you;
soon...again, soon, your overworked, two jobs back to back arms will be holding me in whatever little pool of seconds the world allows us to bask in.
i'm about let a beautiful brown brother feel that i'm falling in love with him all over, yet again.
'cause the scent of your tired skin and happy heart affect my tastebuds and
your name falls like honey from my lips for any reason.
i work harder, step happier, stand stronger,
knowing that when i relax into your tired bones, i deserve to be living beside you.
so sweet is this simple love, progressing all naturally.
and quite suddenly,
i understand why baduism states,
"you be boy and i'll be girl."
i've seen this in the world and this feeling is not new to me.
universe, ---he places me in his heart unfiltered;
sediments of shortcomings and regrets broken down by his hands towards these confusions of worth, clear like sudden epiphanies.
this is a simple romance,
cleansing purified water flaming ice through your chest.
it is not new to me,
but this happiness is.
this worry is.
everyday is suddenly new.


(this is incomplete.
plug: check out my radio show every tuesday 11AM to noon, KSFS.SFSU.EDU
listen to me talk stupid, play some jams, and occasionally do some words spoken!) hehe.