400m

little things
since when have they taken a backseat.
how long have i been pointing fingers
and when will i finally be awake?

what is it that causes me to move so quickly-- so fast
and yet be stuck here, in the same exact place.

underlying reasons i've thought were so difficult to find
all along have been right in front of my face

Ending October (freewrite)

There's really no level of honesty that can sincerely take me to a place that can fully express what this feels like. I don't think it has anything to do with truthfulness, honesty, sincerity, or any of those things that are often lacking when it comes to feeling this way --

Quite the opposite -
it's the floor crumbling beneath my feet kind of panic
my emotions are straining.
Itching for a place to catch my footing.
A spot where I can stop falling
after I feel like I've found a way to climb so high.
I'm borderline floating,
wishing I knew what made it so easy to rise above.
Fly higher.
Dream bigger.
And somehow stay inspired.

I find that I'm at this earth shattering breaking point
where nothing makes any sense at all,
but it's that chaotic feel that gave me the most ease.
I have no idea what limits I'm gonna break -
and I have no obligation at all to find out.
I have no pressing need to foresee the future,
though it's bouncing back at me
and beating crazy heatwaves into my lifelines.
My blood's boiling with the anticipation and eagerness in this uncertainty.
I have nothing but high hopes for it.

I'm watching red bricks turn yellow each step forward I take.
My eyes see nothing in front of me;
they've become mere windows
to peer through while my heart steers me in this direction.
They're open to just barely witness the miracles that blind me.
The sky that keeps my flight.
The wind that keeps my ease and peacefulness intact.
I'm blown away by the happiness pulsing through my veins.
Wondering if there's a need to define it,
when everyday it recreates itself into something bigger.
Better.
Like I'm meant to lose sight of all I know
because this is all beyond anything that's been felt before.

I'm inspired by you, love.
You have become this ridiculous reality
that I'm failing everyday to achieve.
A dream I can't seem to wake from.
A life I couldn't have imagined for myself.
A night that is too dark to see through,
but I'll sleep walk just to meet you.
And it's a shame that you're an amazing dream come true;
making reality seem like a false sense of security
we all failed to realize --
it was only some figment of an imagined state of safety.
You make life seem like it's just started.
I've never breathed this easy before.
Being with you is like finding my sunlight for the first time.
Holding you is better than sunlight.
Kissing you is better than breathing.

And if I could find the right words to describe it; I'd choose not to.
For fear that it would cheapen this indescribable experience I have with you.
A dream - witnesses and realized.
An accidental slip into what everyone wishes could have been.
A reality that never could feel real.
It's just that [...] good, you can't ever believe it.