she...

you ly covered between hidden legacies of history
laced into every single breath taken
by any person who can come to self realiztion
that you are not our burden
i bear witness to anyone who dare confronts this opression
because its gone too far for too long
i cant keep this tradition
from lingering into your mind set
so i accuse you for not knowing yet
that our queens ly dormant
under decades of discrimination
and segregation...but we must be reminded
that they once ruled our lands or i mean Hearts
as they still do in mine
this is an ode to my queens from all countries
and i will risk it all just for your story to be told

i will raise my voice and lift spirits
sing your songs so your people
will know every word
because no one has the right
to denegrate the eloquence you speak
and ive seen so many voices pushed down
because of sisters who dont believe
that they have a choice
so heres your chance
QUEENS! let your hearts Fucken SING!
because thats all you need
to overcome this disease and be free

and your so much better than you think
cuz ive seen so many eyes stare you
up and down your figure...it doesnt matter
they should keep their eyes on yours
because if they really knew you
then they would realize you have so much
to offer beyond premium jeans and face-covers

and i hate when i see that they dont treat you right
id be so grateful that i have a queen with her culture
embedded into her sleeves, her beauty draped in her voice
and her dignitiy hung around her neck
because it was within her embrace that I exist
and when she speaks
silence becomes jealous from the beauty her voice sings
and no, youve never seen what really burns
until youve learned that our queens were burned
deeply rooted nightmares echoe through their minds
so dont say you could relate
because you dont fit Her shoes...

and i pray every night that we become
one step closer to your emancipation
i know youve been through too much
but i know my vision
you are pure PASSION
so I PASS ON my inspiration
to those who want to know that our women
are the true blessings given by gods grace from heaven

and i hope my women have enough will
to portray themselves as queens
wear their golden pendants in their chests proudly
walk down the streets without doubting
reach their goals struggling
and smile without anyone else smiling

cuz queens are implemented into culture
where her beauty is beyond what anyone could define
the finest beauty our Culture, she defined...
so stand tall
so i can ONLY look up to you
and hope someday my daughter could have
someone to look up to too.

so queens i stand up for you through it all
let your story unfold for everyone to hear
and just hope, hope that you will
be loved unconditionally.

of course...

i found you
in the middle of an escapade
in the middle of a journey
on a one way track
to where i thought i wanted to be

thanks a whole lot for throwing me off course
of course...

because you pushed me back
to where i made mistakes
and made me relearn it all the right way
of course...of course

i'll never forget that smile
that made me addicted to your essence
your presence sucked me in and held me close
you exhaled me slowly
and left me stranded in the midst of my addiction
still waiting with open arms waiting for my next dose

but you were nowhere to be found
you were all around
you were unfocused
i couldn't blink past the tears
to find you clouding my visual
my scene was raining of you
and i couldn't get anything to contain you

i cried longer and i missed you more
i can't imagine what it would be like if i ever saw you again
maybe this is what's best for me
to be lost in missing you
to be lost in memories of kissing you
because any reality close to anything more of you
would only cause me more insanity

i have realized the powerless words that fall from my lips
they used to be so strong so confident in speech
and now you twisted me and i can't breathe
i miss the words that used to make sense
make me hold your hand
they used to make reason
make me feel you

and i'm all out of reason
i have no sense
memories of days passing through me
i can't see the light of tomorrow
if you're my sun that doesn't shine
i miss you

so with only nonsense in my pocket
and less reasoning holding my stitches in place
i walk forward knowing you won't be next to me
for every new tomorrow
i hold my own hands to keep them warm
and i feel hardly touched at all

now that heaven took you away
i feel the coldest breezes of your presence
as the warmest memories of you flood my nostalgia
because every time my reality regains its peace
i am thrown off course by this agonizing pain
caused by the missing pieces of my heart you stole
but it is the only way missing you fits
of course...

ceasefire

It’s silent because spoken words outside imply
Confirmation of the broken words I feel inside
Bullets pass my side swarming across my face
I’m hiding, too afraid to use my most powerful gun, my tongue that God has armed me with,
It’s a civil warfare intruding my whole system and I’m having difficulty retaliating
It’s Humiliating, I’m dazed, wounded, and confused of it
I unload my ammunition and head for safety, and i set my captives free
Just for one day I let this prisoner of war smell the fresh air around me
Amongst this dark cloud of fire where I can’t see
I found the fresh air I fiended encompassing me
And I’m lifted, feeling different, uplifted higher, heaven is my new atmosphere
Not necessarily fear but lack of familiarity
And I wonder if this is a dream
At a ceasefire, but not quite at peace.

Afterwords.

Afterwards, we speak other ways after words.
Eyes echo my soul's disposition,
body lang conveys more than your gaudy slang
your attire interludes a situational mood
inspiring me to make a move
inquiring me to come to you.
winks from your eyelashes
got me stuck like dry molasses,
after words,
things can either get rambunctious or redundant
collected or creative
powerful or pointless
leave billionaires coinless
the blind maybe just fine
or insanely out of their mind,
after words,
single actions instill military factions to march towards victory and death
silent rebellions spark nationwide attention and turnaround for bus passengers,
graffiti activists, helping hands and melting pot lands,
smiles, laughter, pleasure and additional chatter,
after words,
something is learned, what's always lost is time,
decisions decided or dangerous deals declined,
connections combine to create harmony in mind,
i could be yours and yourself mine,
after words??...
something special surfaces,
afterwards,
after words.

mass appeal

something like a movie
there's something about a female
all walks of life walk to retail
button downs, hearts detailed on sleeves
screaming the "type love" Shihan speaks
or fuck love and fuck hard like superfreaks.
anything to get noticed, but
two-stepping to draw attention
only draws blank expressions
from the unique mystique in question

lesson learned: step yr game up

cause the kool aid is sweet
and i'm not denying sip sipping
but sipping like a sap don't aid my cool
it's cool that this dime has a dozen dime a dozens
but the correct change just threw up the deuce

an unlit room

instrumental pumping the darkness creating something more vibrant than the red number flashing on the glare of my lenses. the bassline bumping harder than my cell phone's vib tone. the only light in the room is the laptop aura haunting the southwest corner. a boy nods his head to the bump and rhythm of the notes as they hit higher than his hopes. the scent of the incense closes his eyes for him as he drifts in and out of dreamstate existence. existing only in the dreamstate causes the hunger rumbling in his empty stomach to drift from his mind. change it up. the new vibe is a slow song. dreamy and soft. he can move smooth and think slow, the fingers speed lessens and the snare shakes slightly. it's a celebration. a celebration of words and drums and sirens and guns and the bite of the air hints that winter is near. the sounds of trucks on the street disrupt the calm quiet of the empty, soul-less room. just a blanket on the ground and a pillow against a wall. where shared touch sparks the idea of love. but now there is none to hold and none to rush. wistful and folky a girl chimes in, singing soft, lulling even softer. the only thing keeping him awake is the soymilk on his left. comfort in the discomfort. suddenly a freestyle over a sloppy drumkit slowly pop and splash. immaturity revealed through the childlike rhymes tossed out from his pierced tongue. awakened by the sudden change of mood he steps the volume up a notch and awaits the coming company to accompany him in the dull evening...

Change.. Can You See it?

Change doesn't require DNA strands to be broken
For its from within the soul, which has no genetic code
Yourself only knows the required entry
And only you the catalyst to make it expedient
Not only will it be difficult, but challenging
For you know not the consequences;
Others will take notice first

Change is what being dynamic is
Is what makes us better than before
Accepting that maybe the old you has expired
The new-self must be brought forth
Old ways must be retired
Embracing dignity and honoring the being thats passed
The funeral of one that has fulfilled their purpose
New ways of acknowledging the old

Change is going to be painful
Because your peers were just getting used to you
You knew this day would come
Are you ready to make the jump?
Bored and stagnant were the old's adjectives
Waiting for the next opportunity to push you
For you come to realize its you you're waiting for
Evolution can only occur if the environment requires it

Change is good
Because it puts away the faults of the past
You know that change is going to come
Know that it will hurt now, but be oh so good later
It's never too late to change
Time to execute your plan, if you need to... do it

Untitled

don'tdisregardmedon'tmistakemedon'tunderestimatemedon'tdenyme

don't accuse me, don't doubt me, don't oblige me, don't accuse me..

don't hurt me

mislead me

forget me

Don't assume the limits of my capabilities.

Life is ticking

Tick tock, the clock keeps ticking
so you better get on your feet and start kicking
before you lose everything and start trippin
You've been trying to find someone special in your life
someone that's perfectly unperfect, like a potential wife
You try to find this this called happiness in this cruel universe
but you never find it..... it's like you got a curse
Growing up you've thought happiness was this thing called love
Little did you know that happiness was more than just love
All your life you've just been trying to find something that's fiction
In the end, you're left alone eating a hot pocket in the kitchen

You look at life and think about how much maturity grew in you
yea....you've step up a little bit in your game
but reality you're still the same
You think about what you've done wrong
Maybe it's all the shit you've smoked out of that bong......nah that aint it
Maybe you're not good enough to be with that special someone.....nah
Maybe you're just not ready because you havn't grown up yet.........maybe

As you live your 22 years of life
you've been telling yourself "I should've done this! I should've done that!"
you've been asking yourself " what if i have done this? what if i have done that?"
but it's too late to take it all back
you ask questions like:
why did she break my heart? why am i all alone?
why havn't i live the life that i wanted?
why do we have to deal with tribulations and trials in life?
why do we have to experience pain and sorrows in life?
why is she so pretty from head to toe?
but why do we have to superman that hoe?
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
SHIT!!! why does the seasons of friends have to be over
DAMN....... why do you always ask so many questions?

Couple of years ago you were just having fun
chilling and smoking out with your boys
having a blast and watching episodes of friends
The whole 10 seasons of friends have gone by
Then you buy the dvd and watch the whole 10 seasons again
but nothing have changed since then
You've watched the whole 10 seasons, watching ross and rachel being together
then break up, then get back together and went on a break, got a baby and you know the rest
The point is that you've watch these characters change and grow up
but you're still the same and nothings changed

Now you got to face reality
and you got to have that "I'm going to make it to the top" mentality
Cuz one day you'll be worth a million
All your life you've been trying to find something that you don't need
What you really need to be looking for is yourself.....happiness in yourself
you need to find your life.....
You've been wasting half of your life searching for something you're not going to have until you find your true self
You aint getting any younger
but you're not getting older.....
you're just getting better
You think it's too late for all that? you think it's too late to change your life?
.............look at the clock
Tick tock......the clock keeps ticking
You have plenty of time

L.S.D.

i hate the fact i cant tell you how i really feel
so i slighly laced my words with L.S.D.
a Love Stoned Drug
so when i speak i can hypnotize you
to the utopian dream
where we can both tell eachother what we need
i need you and you need me
dual consciences,
both feed the hunger to each other
intertwined at the spiral of our fingertips
truth drips down
so lift your fingers and take a taste
cuz damn...this drug is so potent
a form of injectin'
is through the needle from the records we be spinnin'

and no... this drug is not for sale
but i know, no one has ever made you feel
that way i make you feel

then it starts tantilizing your ear drums
stimulating your nerves
tickling your spine
and it makes you quiver
your toes start to tingle
your knees start to buckle
your hips start to roll
you feel my voice running inside your soul
as i soliloquize the recipe of this remedy
you are spellbound by.

then i extract my whole being
into this articulate potion
its potential is a privelage
i am honored to give to you
my warmth starts to embody you
as my words linger through your mind
you start sweating
your hard breathing
your vision is revolving
and you cant help but ask if your addicted...
so dont try to purge it
dont resist it
it feels like your getting pulled down
but your just to Soulful
cuz not even gravity can pull down your smile

And ive got you hooked
and you cant wait for the next hit
but be patient..
this elixer is not one to mass produce
the quality is precisly measured
beyond using the 4 letter word
its meaning exceeds anyting youve ever heard
so wait till its ripe
because itll be worthwhile
falling back into the intoxicated intense level
where the pupils of your eyes start to dilate
and you just want to let it all go and take flight
and when your skin starts to prespire
you aspire to tell me how this drug makes you feel
cuz there is no Drug Anonymous
its you telling me you want this
you dont want the fire to extinguish
because this burning sensation
feels to good beyond imagination

and this drug has no side effects
so dont be afraid of the long term effect
this product has been tested to get you lifted
past divine pleasures
so just reveal the heart of your treasure
and just say what you picture
for you and me
cuz definately this thing i call LSD
can be simply broken down
to set what you want free
so whenever your ready
ill be here waiting
for you to come back dowm from your heaven
so we can finally unite
hold eachother in the words we wrote
and listen...listen to one another
confess our true feelings.

letters.

i give up --
heart empty
and so tired of wondering
but i know now
i know better
i know how
to write letters --

dear sky
ask the wind to visit
and blow away my troubles
ask the sun to remember this life of mine
and illuminate my tired struggles
bring light to solutions
light to clarity

dear fingers
remember warmth
so that you can ease away the lonely frost in my chest
caress each weary muscle
strengthened instead by the heat of consolation
evaporate the rain falling from eyes

dear you
leave me be
another aching soul
still searching for my peace
still remembering time
as it slipped past my tripping foot
when i fell for you

dear me
learn to walk away
on feet that stay grounded
touching the pavement of newness
understanding that tomorrow
is simply a few steps away

...from my own dear happiness.

In response to"That the Protagonist is Always a Man" poem

That mothers are being sold
That Asian mothers are being sold
That Asian sisters are wanting to be sold
That everyone loves an Asian Girl

That exotic is the new black
That my computer spell-checks "exoticization"
That it's okay for outsourcing "her"

That Michelle Malkin may consider herself one of "us"
That she "feels ashamed of her parent's native homeland"
That she "fells ashamed of her people"
that she looks like "us"

That we justify our war in Iraq to save the women
That patriarchy is justified

That Maganda and Malakas still justify beauty and strength in genderized roles
That Maganda isn't lalake
That Malakas isn't babae

That white is gold, that pale is god, that dark is dirty

That the yahoo results for "asian bridge" still comes up with mail-order bride sites
That Asian sistas still believe that it's okay to sell yourselves
That sistas still sell themselves

That our government still allows our ovaries to be controlled by laws.
That our governor said, "girly man"
That our vagina's are being sown shut

That.

That is why I am a feminist.

Waiting

You promised you'd be here,
Now I'm scarred
For agreements I can no longer forebear
Neither accept
Except, when it's something I wait for
Something that I've saved for
Something held off for
Four hours have gone by
Since you said you would be here.
I ponder of an unknown hormone
that speeds our internal clock
The opposite of seratonin
That is only released by adrenal glands
When impatience kicks into overdrive
I need to drive, I need to get out of here
But I can't, because you said you'd be here
And I fear, and I hesitate
That maybe you did come, maybe you did make an attempt
Could it be that I became temporarily deaf?
Or was it that I just chose not to hear?
Here I sit, waiting for you to set my day free
Free to do what I must, and not be held prisoner to your arrival
I hate waiting, it's a heavy load I bring in my baggage
Everywhere I go, I carry it and try to manage

UPS, HURRY THE HELL UP!!! AND DELIVER MY FREAKIN PACKAGE!!!

*Find Your Dreams.

And i wonder
when i slumber
am i truly in need of this rest?
it's just that
Buddhists are getting silenced and people are seeing panic
24 hours a second, endless, human beings can't remain restless.
And i wonder if i could just
somehow gift someone that really needs this piece of peace,
I wish I could just
upload my rest for someone,
suffering in unrest
to download to their soul.

What does it mean to catch some Z's?
zero currency in my wallet currently?
zoning and stoning out of my mind,
maybe it really means i'm
zapping any chance of advancing from this landscape?

to find your dreams and my own
we've gotta stop dreaming asleep,
rather start dreaming awake to utilize all opportunity to better
my comrades + community.
Sleep a lot less, dream a little more,
Fall deep into my heart until I hit my heart floor,
End all time wasted and touch on time taken
To dethrone the demons in me committing acts forsaken
Open up my arms that love to stay crossed
Hug someone low on hope so their dreams can't get lost
Tell my mom I love her, dad and sisters the same
Dream constantly but don't sleep, that's my habit I want to change.

Purple And Gold

so this is how it turned out
being left cliff hanging
nails digging into the rough dirt
scattering on my wilted face
its the only thing keeping me brown
because my embarrassment speaks
too loudly through my red blushed cheeks
your memory ceases to remember a night
that meant something to me...

but i wish you could remember
i wish you could remember...

because developing in my mind
this rhetorical question does not quietly reside
it batters the boundaries of my own thought process
and the quest for my heart to rest
comes slowly through each test
i give to you, so you can PASS
the real answer to me

but i vividly hide each action in waves of corny jokes
and aggressive repulsion just to get a reaction
cuz man. im still so afraid to just tell you..
" hey girl, you make me feel like its my first day at school,
you know nervous to meet everyone
and to see whos the flyest girl
yeah you already know
this sappy sauced up letter
is the closest thing to a mixtape
i can give you!"

and its already mixed up
even if i could admit my confessions
to you it would feel like my first confession
in 2nd grade
i couldnt even do it face to face
but it doesnt matter
cuz you wouldnt remember anyway

you dont remember when you made me hold your hand?

you dont remember when you passionately held me
while i helped you stand?

Cuz when we fell asleep together
i left my face as close to yours
because that moment was just
to damn amazing to forget

and with each breath
it carried words into your ear
i let you know how i felt
because the tighter i held
the more you held me
i was your warmth
and you..you were just mine
and i wish you could remmeber that night

cuz everyday you dont know
that when i share my poems with you
i share pieces of my inner essence
my own secrets ly intertwined
with the words i use
to help inspire you
all i do is push for you
to create audios for your visuals
and damn, this notebook right here
is my Heart felt so exclusive secret
and i allowed you to write in it

and when you tell me
i have a sensitive side
you need to realize i do...I DO
because this right here is proof
these impulsive array of intimiate words
are put together
just to hope to hope
you could just remember...

cuz i wonder... i wonder
deliriously when we spend endless nights
do you feel the same way...
"i wonder if you know what it means. to find your dreams.."
in my fingertips cuz these hear
are just to motivate you
so please...
my heart is evidence of what we can transcend
beyound paint brushes and ink pens
remember that i am determined to disect and begin
to find what truly lies within
the walls of your head
And I do this all for you
cuz i put this together
so maybe just maybe
you could remember.....

To that girl.

i used to miss you.
i missed your kisses, phone calls,
cool calm collected conversation with me until 3:33 in the morning,
i missed seeing your face,
the way you used to look at me..
i missed missing you until the next time i could
say hello, and miss those butterflies
that drew love stoned aches following every uttered 'bye'.
i missed your lips, from the first time we kissed,
thinking to myself 'there's nothing that could ever top this'
if i had one wish, though, it would be
to erase these memories lingering with me
b/c recollecting over them has me going dizzy and weary
and every, single, time when i see you with him,
spurts of rejection and teardrops of depression set in
diseased with a love virus with no remedy to better me
they say that time heals everything
and i know that's some easy shit to say
but i'll swallow my nonsensibilities and keep on
because you hurt me,
worried me when you'd be off with this boy at the beach alone, hella parties when i had to go home;
i mean, shit;
you said I was your 'one and only'.
but obviously, you forgot
that lies + alibis will always be made apparent by truth's light from the darkness they're covered in,
robbed and destroyed of the pride and innocence that now has been smothered in
i guess i can say thanks to you for allowing me to experience this low
but forget you for allowing yourself to stoop to such a low
for disarming me to this degree of vulnerability
stripped of my armor, i look to my mother and father
for being committed and truthful for decades
and i apologize to the me that was blinded by love and couldn't see:
i'm sorry for depriving you of the happiness and joy you really deserved
i'm sorry for letting you cry yourself to bed, letting you feel guilty
and filthy for your honesty and integrity,
i'm sorry for being unfair with your opportunities and promise you that you're going to find that joy once more;
i'm going to see the most reliable confidant within myself,
bestow confidence when i meet someone new and not be afraid in my insecurity and past misery
because nothing's stopping me with this chance
to advance closer to someone that deserves my truth, wisdom and light,
someone that deserves my whispered words and sincerity,
someone that keeps their shit tight,
someone
for me.

winter.

my heart is frozen in a kiss with you
cold hands held by your memory alone
and my eyes rain when i miss you
...it must be winter.

today

connect the dots of the children gathered around the twisting trail of smoke leading up to the ceiling fan. entranced by the beauty of the world as manifested by the smoky swirl of nag champa. overcomfort in the touch of her fingers, the contour of her crossed legs, the smile in her eyes, the cliches of love in my mind. today i stared at the pixels as they formed words like a ouija board. too bad it was just my own sub-conscience spelling what i wanted to read. as the rainwater formed droplets on my lenses, i scuttled to the confines of a classroom. my wandering mind made it impossible to focus on infectious diseases. i instead drifted among the thought bubbles in my mind about the new life that is about to unfold in front of my very eyes...

finally some new art...

its been awhile since i pushed anything out of my head..

i'm on a creative writing hiatus for certain reasons, so i've been meaning to create some art to at least contribute to the blog. plus i'll be hanging up these pieces and a couple others at some shows coming up.


i completed this first piece awhile back at a friends house, i just randomly threw stuff on the small canvas and ended up with this concept of the 5 senses.

"Sense of Philosophy"
(Tempera, Acrylic, Sharpie)



on each side of the canvas i wrote a lil blurb relating to the sense that side had.

(Smell) "Breathe in the smell of the journey."
(Hearing) "Listen outside the image."
(Touch) "Reach for the ends of reality."
(Taste) "Taste the fruit of life."
(Sight) "See past the abstract...and ascend."

This next piece I completed about 2 hours ago. It's a piece made in memory of a friend who recently passed. Despite everything she was dealt; her display of wisdom and strength were truly inspirational.

The other day I walked into a borders and looked around. For the first time, I actually found a book that highly sparked my interest and walked out with it (paying of course, haha). That book was Banksy's Wall and Piece". After finishing looking over the book this person became my new favorite artist. His whole concepts behind stencil are too fresh.

So I put 2 and 2 together and got this..

"True Strength"
(Tempera, Acrylic, Spraypaint [Stenciled])

Learning = Conflict; Conflict = Learning

Young supple breed of familiarity
Branding hold against her skin
Poisoned by receptivity, enamored by normality
She beckons the call

Diamonds become rubies
She beckons the call
Driving onward into the horizon
Confusion was always a great shadow

Shadows become companions
Companions become lovers
Lovers lose autonomy
Shadows become her

In the shadows, she gave into her id
Actions that forebode an undesired archetype
Harsh words that foreboded division
She manifested into traffic

Driving insanity to a new destination
Destined into reality, she succumbed to her poison
The touch of insanity never tasted so good until now
She beckons the call

Driving her crazy she drives on
Pass streets she’s never heard of before
Coming into her mind’s labyrinth
You’re not expecting her
And she doesn’t even know why she came

Sit alone awhile
Come to possible conclusions of
A series of hypothetical events
As it unfolds, she meditates

She realizes tonight’s reactions
Are tomorrow’s passive aggressions
The idea distances itself from reality
So does her car

Maybe this is her time
Rubies become diamonds
She returns back home
Yet, she hardly recognizes it as home

She smiles, closes her eyes and succumbs
Methodically ready, she moves to the line
Picket sign in hand, familiarity by her side
She beckons the call.

keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times

from the apex the view never eludes it's magic
proof is a screaming voice spewing out the mouth climactic
with inhibition at a free fall, stomach lifted, nose dipping down
the ends of our fingers line at the spike of the sun's crown
the love below is a g force pressured just beneath lust
huddled in my gut wrenching where the bolt and metal touch
as it traverses through the track, rivets squeak at each bend
arch across the beams beginning our dreams ascent
shapes of sine wave for mind games, crashing words on the merge
curves shifting my shape of lips to when we cliff hang on verge
watch it catch us on that lift weightless right below the stomach
feeling nervous circulations jitter right before we plummet
ducking tunnels with a cuddle, inches under the speeding ceiling
fleeing faster moving past the final snap flash of camera capturing
dark brown eyes fixed on lens bent, focused motives, intentions
surf across centripetal forces, gravity slips through dimensions
sitting as our seat 360's spinning sickly, spiraling dizzy
swirls mixing, love with hate, satisfaction with misery
time dwindling to the finish, minutes on seconds diminish
sync the sky drawing lines for limits with fingers flicking, fidgety, timid
the fleeing of feelings fleeting through this speeding roller coaster
and if we plummet from the summit a split second off... it's over

rain

the veins drip down my window like teardrops flowing towards the soil.
carrying my life with them; erasing my life with each follicle of dust.
refresh the homepage, follow the hyperlink, open me in a new tab.
comical kamikaze calmly commits a con connecting concoctions of correlations.
eight, sixteen, thirty-two, sixty-four, one-twenty-eight, two-fifty-six.
choose your fate depending on the number of squares that paint your picture.
trumpets and guitars declare the uppity atmosphere i've embraced tonight.
sick and sad, what a way to sum it up; ill and depressed; done and done.
the skin on her shoulders is so sensual, but the tips of her fingers are so wonderful.
we're only individuals because of a slight difference in a vortex pattern smaller than imagination.
dialect and language; rhymes and rhythm; dreams and reality; love and hate, cliche and originality.
it's raining tonight...

Rising Down.

Down.
Just gotta calm
Down.
Down from this misery
scrambling to finish unraveling life's mystery
no longer any epiphanies, just doubt and worry sicken me,
Not sick like some ?uestlove remix or Jazzy Jeff mixtape shit,
Sick like listening to your father curse Heaven in outrageous fits,
Sick like pessimists believing they're dying more each day,
I'm getting sick of this type 'sickness', got to throw that vibe away,
And let positive vibes stay.

Falling down.
I'm falling down deeply into this quicksand from this man
That many feel the urge to 'stick it' to,
Blind to my slow demise of debt from unnecessary consumption,
Brainwashed from mass media to the point i'm learning nothing,
Fronting about my own personality so socially i'm not seen in my actuality
I'm falling down, right about now
Sure do wish i was falling up like the Peas when they stayed Behind the Front,
But to a seemingly endless downward sink is the pattern i'm clinging to,
False toast i'm drinking to, horrible nightmare i keep thinking to,
As i'm falling down into my own pit of despair.

When it all falls down,
I'll be waiting patiently
Like in white rooms of sterile air where patients be,
Not letting go of the truth and goodness received from my peers,
This aged war has brought far too long a debate that our great grandparents could relate,
Endless injustices leaving sisters brotherless,
Imbalanced families without direction, motherless;
Our freedom's at stake when our foundations start falling,
Eyes and mouths need to open to stir emotion and rally calling,
Stop freezing up when someone else falls from evil force without desire to stop flying
Take action or fret in ill regret because all of this lying
Has my heart drowned from overcrying
I'm over lying to myself deciding that ignorance is bliss,
Ignorance isn't shit, knowledge of self is;
Immerse yourself in positivity without stopping your learning,
All possibilities will be realized and when it all falls down,
You can shine the light in with open curtains.

Gravitating towards you

nights like these
I am reminded of the greatness of your love
of how to live a humble and holy way of life
making me realize that i've always had the power from inside
the ability to do anything I set my mind on

so I can't help but gravitate towards you

fortunate I am to be in your church
knowing that this is the true faith with no question in my mind
that you are the one and only god
following your commandments lead me to the light
your promises you always keep
with all these reminders, how can I fall
how can my faith grow weak

and for this
I will seek you as I awaken
I will find you in the night
I will search for you as i sleep in bed
in every moment of my life

because living without you oh god would be lonely and meaningless
if I try to imagine days without you
all possibilities lead to emptiness
when i listen to your holy words
I am strengthened and rejuvenated
applying them as i wander in this world
words that give comfort, guidance, and hope
I am truly blest

as I pray to you may you listen to my plea
asking for strength to persevere
help me take the righteous path
among many difficult choices may you make it clear
that everything i do
may it be for your will

as I sing to you
may I sing with all my soul
longing to feel that sensational aura
may my heart and soul coincide as voices fill the air
the melody, the rhythm, lyrics so empowering that it touches my inner self
hopefully i may please you when i give it all i have
this feeling truly proves
how close you are to me

but if ever I would drift away
feeling a bleak winter night engulfing me
pulse beating with such intensity
thoughts that seem uncontrollable
breathing that is rapid
body trembling with fear
no sense of where to go
trapped in tangled wires
may you remember me
and I will run to you
escape to you for you are always there
providing love that is sincere
trust that cannot be shattered
peace that calms a raging sea storm

and although I cannot see you
or use my senses to locate you
I see your work grow like blooming flowers in an endless field
your majestic creations,
the devotion of your people
your church moving forward
and if I simply step back and watch these things
life itself becomes more vibrant.

just as a musician plays an instrument,
a painter paints an artwork,
a poet expresses and explores,
but as your humble servant lord,
I will worship you,
serve you
I will endure and give my all.

so I can't help but gravitate towards you,

because inner peace of mind in you I find
with a purpose to live
and promises I must keep
feeling happy, inspired, motivated,
full of life, energy radiating from within
I feel so complete.

Ask Questions?

Why is the blue sky?
Why does grey skies depress people?
Why is yelling perceived as bad?
Why don't people talk in elevators?
Why do we listen to beats more than lyrics?
Why would you superman that hoe?
Why are you pussy patrolling my vajayjay?
Where are the bouncers in the club when males are harassing females?
Where are the women who pay for men's drinks in the club?
Where are the Asian sistas on top model?
Where are the Asian sistas who marry white guys?
Where are the Asian folks on TV?
Where are the folks who scream for a change?
Where are the folks screaming to be heard?
Where are all folks screaming for our young people?
Where were you when your Asian sistas get raped?
Where were you when your Asian sistas get sold?
Where are all the protesters of the war?
Where are all the protesters of bush?
When can I call you my brotha?
When can I call you my sista?
When can I rely on you to scream?
When can I rely on you to rely on me?
When Can I say that I am proud to be an American?
When can I say that I fought for your safety?
When can I not be afraid to walk around at night?
when can I not be afraid to get drunk in a club?
When can I call you my brotha?
When can I call you my sista?
How do we not get 'caught up'?
How do we plan on saving lives?
How do we plan on being a better person?
How do we plan on marching together?
How do we know it's a better place?
How do we live without war?
How do we live without peace?
How do we learn without war?
How do we learn without struggle?
How do we learn without teaching?
How do we learn without peace?
How do we learn without hurting?
How do we learn without being uncomfortable?

Why don't we ask more questions?

Because this world is ugly

In light of recent events
I need to apologize
My tounge was caught in a state of shock
A momentary lapse of concentration

My tounge was temporarily out of service
It took a leave of absence
sick leave
Sick of work

Hoping to project itself into the cranium
Hoping/waiting/rejuvenating
Hoping that ESP would be enough to stop a war
Hoping that for once an army would come

nothing.
nothing happened
nothing would ever happen
not like this

for this reason, i picked up my guitar
not knowing how to play
I stummed the strings to chords in my lungs
I sang, even though I couldn't fathom how to and why

Can I sing for you?

Desperately searching for an honest answer
baby takes her momma's hand and walks along the street
momma's trying to buy you a mocking bird
mocking all the sadness in our lives, because...
because sometimes, times like these need laughs

If that mocking bird don't sing
momma's gonna buy you some time
time to create your own stage
your own voice/rhythm/rhyme/time

If that voice/rhyme don't work
momma's gonna take the time to love you still
The song's incomplete but baby holds on tight to her momma's hand
The strings of the guitar vibrate and pass the guitar on

Are you strong enough to sing with me?

something kept close to my fingers for a really long time

i had wrapped the world in white paper
in hopes that it would ignite fire and catch wind
and some careless man with steel toe boots
tried to disprove mother nature
i regrettably put my faith in you
waited for whispers hibernating in your throat
slept on your lips for days
a kiss caught on the thorns surrounding your mouth
i don’t care how your face looked like when we hugged
or when i walked away
i thought that if i could bury you in the snow
i could save you for a better tomorrow
i wanted to be held
like Neruda clenching his soul
Miles and his trumpet to sustain me with starlight
i had crawled into bed and tried to dream up a poem
but there was nothing more i could write about
to catch me when I fall
i have burned the memories slumped onto mattresses
risen from homicidal outlines
to be content
without tornados in my chest
without fluttering inside this body
just a drum that keeps me going in this world
and a moist tea bag saturating my mouth
is all i ever wanted

continuation.

it's almost 4:30am of what used to be a friday night. i stayed home wondering what i was wondering and came back around wondering what i had wondered about. some may say that when you're halfway delirious with sleepy thoughts you can't say when you're entirely awake, you say things you don't mean. you think thoughts that are off the wrong walls of a room with none to begin with.

to begin with, as far as i'm concerned, there is no such thing as a beginning. only continuations of what has already previously been...so to begin with -- i'll continue. my brain simply a slaughterhouse of emotions, reactions, and memories. the wrong remembrances of the moments i recall as i think to myself in half awake stupor -- my goodness...life, you are insane. i don't believe in normalcy when an everyday factor to life is it's capacity and persistence on changing everything you thought you knew to be real...fiction is truth in its more creative tones. lies are truths no one wants to speak. pain is so that pleasure and peace will surface. i know nothing and with that, i can know more...

each time i say goodbye, i am instead greeted by more memories of you than i had previously remembered even experiencing. i have no new beginnings with you, but i continue to love you instead...just as i had with each day that has reached it's close...there is nowhere to start but to fall deeper into a hole where love is almost the only reason i can't escape. and i, human all the way down to the crack in my bones when i'm aching from turning my head too far back in hopes to find you...standing there...in a corner of the room i didn't see before...maybe behind the lamppost that brought light to all my biggest fears and worries...

...to begin with, i understand there is no such thing as a beginning. and yet, i am learning, though this may defy my own gravity of truth as i may know it currently...but there may just be...

...an end.

*Losing My Ability.

I must confess
whenever i see you, i start to undress you,
both mentally and physically
and don't be offended,
i don't mind if you blush, or wanna make me feel rejected;
you just don't know what you do to me!.
every move you make makes me shake,
each sound syllable you utter melts me like fire to butter,
the gentle touch of your eyes and tug of your hug disarms me,
harms me in such a way that i just can't help but to convey
as something that hurts but heals,
sings sermons but steals,
opens every window in the universe! but seals,
blocks every sensory perception but still feels,
the aching need to somehow defy any convention and take me,
just take all of me in,
inhale my soul and swig me like gin,
be careless with merits but cringe to feel this sin,
wince and wither from your gentle whisper,
kid at how you make me feel like a kid again,
young at heart,
while subsequently you're the thief that pierces my lungs like a dart,
leaving me breathless,
and despite this lyrical excess of longing,
know that all i'm yearning for is that sense of belonging,
rainy days i'll be your awning,
admiring infinitely of your sincerity,
focused drive and crystal clarity,
because you're impairing me
of my vision, sight and touch,
got me losing everything except your very essence, explainable only by
your name
somehow still on my brain,
i want you in my life;
why can't it all be so simply and plain.

My Sunday Morning

Switch on the TV in hopes it's in color
They say, Asians don't need color TV's
They say we don't need it
because everyone, everything, every channel is still in black & white.

Reach for my energy drink
It doesn't give me any more energy then sex on a cool day
It doesn't do anything for me
because i'm looking for substance in sustenance form

Today proves to be a difficult one from the getgo
Today, gravity just seems to work against me
So, i'm bouncing from idea to idea
Like a chicken with it's head chopped off

Rearrange my body, turning over in hopes of another hour
Rearrange my thoughts, maybe I can lie myself outta this one
Rearrange my hands, maybe I can sex myself back into sleep
Rearrange my thoughts, maybe i should wake up


it's Wednesday

just like a star

october:
sober from summer
over the slumber
awake and star gazing
painting portraits
of poets with the
aligning of stars

because each star seems to
speak a bit of truth

a rose.

[...in loving memory...]
you were a rose too beautiful for anything on earth
so God restored you to the sky
where only the clouds could help you grow the wings you needed
so you can fly over us and watch us
wrap those wings around us to protect us as we dream

and now you sleep soundly on the rainbows that ignite your beauty
like a flame catching fire on a spectrum in all its different shades
reflecting across our tired eyes

each time i look to the sky
a feather from your wings lifts my spirit
the sun rested on your eyelashes
that each time you opened your eyes
a new day began with your awakening
i am reminded of you and i can't help but smile.
because i know i slept in the embrace of an angel
before this new day reached existence.

i have a cold.

the pressures pulsating in his upper nasal passages push the mind out of the crown and up through the atmosphere into his dreams. the lifted state of the insidious thoughts he dreamt up can't match those that he witnessed through the eyes of another. accidental and irreversable sparks fly deep into the red sky. the scales grow and cover his chest, disguising the empty crevice where his muscles used to pump the river-like lifeline of intensity. microbacteria spread and eat the spongiformed folds in the heavens. orange-peel moon rises above the foggy clouds that disguise the polluted sky as a silky veil. unraveling the knots that form his self-righteous self-schemas and self-esteem blossoms into self-efficacy. too bad my self-perceived false consensus is, in actuality, nothing but a false uniqueness effect. fuck, look at me, i'm learning. lifeline pulsing in my mind; too bad she's too young; too bad she's too fun; too bad she's too fucked up; too bad she's too gone. gazing into his corneia only to realize it's void and blank; he has no pupils. no students. no one to learn. no one to throw their hands up to the sky to grab his mind and bring it back down to reality from the dreamy cloud-whisps...no one to tame his metaphors and similes and confusion and have you ever seen love personified?

In putting action to our words: Filipinos denigrated on ABC's "Desperate Housewives"

Dear Kababayan and Allies:

I heard through the grapevine about a remark made on
an episode of "Desperate Housewives" last night. The scene entailed
Teri Hatcher's character (Susan) at a hospital, being told by her
gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause. Susan replied, "Can I
just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they
are not from some med school in the Philippines. " If you go to abc.com,
you watch the full episode and witness the scene at about 18:50
minutes into the episode.

This type of derogatory remark is not only unnecessary
and hurtful, but is also unfounded, considering the presence of
Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the health care industry.
Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United
States, with many entering the U.S. and passing their U.S. licensing
boards as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the
Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world.
So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino
Americans in health care is disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant.

As Filipino Americans, we need to band together to
ensure that this type of hateful message is not allowed to continue on
our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media
attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African
Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell
(against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful
speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers,
the show's actors, and ABC itself. Yet, this isn't the first time that negative
remarks have been made about the Philippines or Filipinos in the past.
In recent years, we've heard one too many "dogeater" comments by
"comedian" Joan Rivers on the red carpet or in her standup act, and I
believe that it is about time that we stand up for ourselves, so that
this type of hateful speech never happens again.

Please join me in expressing your concern,
disappointment, and/or disgust to the producers of ABC.com. You can sign the petition at http://www.petitiononline.com/FilABC/petition.html or you can
reach them directly abc7@abc.com.

And please feel free to forward this widely to other
Filipinos/ Filipino Americans/ Asian Americans/ and other allies.