To that girl.

i used to miss you.
i missed your kisses, phone calls,
cool calm collected conversation with me until 3:33 in the morning,
i missed seeing your face,
the way you used to look at me..
i missed missing you until the next time i could
say hello, and miss those butterflies
that drew love stoned aches following every uttered 'bye'.
i missed your lips, from the first time we kissed,
thinking to myself 'there's nothing that could ever top this'
if i had one wish, though, it would be
to erase these memories lingering with me
b/c recollecting over them has me going dizzy and weary
and every, single, time when i see you with him,
spurts of rejection and teardrops of depression set in
diseased with a love virus with no remedy to better me
they say that time heals everything
and i know that's some easy shit to say
but i'll swallow my nonsensibilities and keep on
because you hurt me,
worried me when you'd be off with this boy at the beach alone, hella parties when i had to go home;
i mean, shit;
you said I was your 'one and only'.
but obviously, you forgot
that lies + alibis will always be made apparent by truth's light from the darkness they're covered in,
robbed and destroyed of the pride and innocence that now has been smothered in
i guess i can say thanks to you for allowing me to experience this low
but forget you for allowing yourself to stoop to such a low
for disarming me to this degree of vulnerability
stripped of my armor, i look to my mother and father
for being committed and truthful for decades
and i apologize to the me that was blinded by love and couldn't see:
i'm sorry for depriving you of the happiness and joy you really deserved
i'm sorry for letting you cry yourself to bed, letting you feel guilty
and filthy for your honesty and integrity,
i'm sorry for being unfair with your opportunities and promise you that you're going to find that joy once more;
i'm going to see the most reliable confidant within myself,
bestow confidence when i meet someone new and not be afraid in my insecurity and past misery
because nothing's stopping me with this chance
to advance closer to someone that deserves my truth, wisdom and light,
someone that deserves my whispered words and sincerity,
someone that keeps their shit tight,
someone
for me.