redefine

the angels guide me
watching over me
from fever to heartache
from painful tears to joyous greetings
i feel ever so protected in your care
living in this realm of reality
knowing that you are my only solace

and though often i am weary
so many times you find me
almost too tired to clasp my own hands together in prayer
fingers strained and aching from years of carrying burdens
while still grasping onto faith and hope dearly...

dear god
a prayer to you
that you
though still crafting the beautiful rainbows that illuminate your powers
color by color
stretching from palaces
connecting oceans across nations
though still praised by others more worthy than i
in song they enhance your glory
in melody they outline your grace
and in harmony they manipulate words to have more beautiful meanings

redefine me father,
to overcome the human in me
and recognize your strength in me
that i may know you
that i may remember you
in every passing second
within each inhale
and through every blink

and with this,
i may know your love
and one day soon
i may walk alongside the angels
whom you had sent to guide me before
when i see you again

Random thoughts of you possess my current mind
It seems I haven’t left my hopes of you behind
I’ll always question why we didn’t seem to work out
Whether it was you, whether it was me, I’ll always have my doubts

I remember the first day that I met you
I gave you a simple hi excluding the how are you
I passed by you like you were nothing to me
Oblivious to the fact that you already liked me

Somehow the hellos turned into I’ll call yous
And the flirtatious smiles into me being close to you
The simple telling of our characteristics
Turned into the outpouring of our past statistics

I couldn’t believe that you accepted what I had done
Giving myself to you was something that could never be done
Because I myself couldn’t give you me
Since I had already given myself when I was fifteen

God, how I wished that I hadn’t given myself away
That I waited to give myself on my wedding day
I never had regretted doing what I had done
Until this little romance of ours had begun

Why did you have to accept me the way you did
Make me cry tears of your bittersweet acid
The acid that made you give up me as your equal
On what seemed a series without a sequel

Why our love affair had to end
Or why my heart lacks the ability to mend
Over you, over us, over what you done to my life
Over the inexplicable, never healing, always present day strife

You were the knight on the beautiful white horse
Saving me from pain and sorrow so coarse
But you forgot to give me a happily ever after
Filled with love, joy, tears, and laughter

Instead you moved on in a few weeks time
Realizing I wasn’t your career, but only part time
Part time in your life, part time in your heart
Ended up being a fraction you tore apart

surplus

emotion surplus, mind and thoughts robust, instincts froze up, love opens up, eyes open wide, deeply she sighed, the tired groan in her voice, the sexy way she shuts herself off, the way i sip on lust, the way i want to cry, the glint that's in my eye, the one thing on my mind, her ridiculous seductive smile, every moment is denial, the distance and the miles, the wrecking ball to my glass house, the cracks in my chest, the butterflies on her back, in my stomach, the way she scares me with possible guile, the stripes and the colors, the taste of too much sugar, the swelling in my heart, the way she says profanities, the way i lose my sanity, the cold night air, the train whistle blares, triple vision and blurred moon stares, eyeing my lost soul, wandering streets after midnight hours, forever alone yet always surrounded, freezing cold yet always on fire, i love the feeling of the syre as i am swept upstream against newton's laws of undeniable powers, peace now, sleep well, dream wild.

"freedom"

my performance for my high school talent show: (one part in the clip skips for some reason. kinda weird, but whatever)

anyways...
up on stage, whoah man...i felt so much energy. there was roughly 600 people in the audience. and i was surprised i wasn't even nervous. i fed off of the growing energy and let it out. and oh what a feeling it was...

for o.ate

i don't even know what to say
i listened to this song thinking of you today
there's something bout the thought of you
that causes me to follow through
and release my need to create

but yr the type to thieve vocabulary
from the verbose
and i find myself staring at the screen
shooting blanks

http://www.zshare.net/audio/kev_brown-albany-mp3.html

word

words; hype life up with metaphors and hyperbole. paragraphs float on the white page like god up in heaven. theses describe the world affairs with biased crosshairs. times new roman in a twelve point font is the only acceptable way to speak. show individualism and speak your mind as long as you fit that certain guideline to be sufficiently uniform with the rest of the unique creatures. type up the letter to the editor to be shredded with the rest of the ideas and national opinions. paper media prints itself in a boring and uninteresting fashion; paints itself black and white in a world of neon eclecticism. the bias runs deep in the veins of the news anchor, the blogger, the columnist, the editor. personality reverts back to impersonal reality. speak easy and breathe hard. ye olde printing press is heavy on the heart.

between lines of poetry

...you spoke to me in poetry
i wrote you poetry of prose
we sang songs to each other
during the opposite days of night
i needed you
you loved me
i held you
you made me feel like less of a person
less incomplete
less ignorant
and less defined by my faults
i was more of a whole
i felt less of a need
and had more of a soul
because of you...

we were a work of art
and look upon us
you'll see a story of two lovers
who had somehow grown apart
as they spoke two different languages
they spoke between lines of poetry
kissed each other through metaphors
and fell through the gaps of their reality...
that was written in prose...

repetitions

trapped inside a score for so long,
i seem to be only able to write with this song on loop.
bound to the page and chained,
like staying within the guidelines of a coloring book.
these patterns become all too cliche,
and just like those guidelines,
my days have become the same,
obnoxiously outlined with thick lines,
and they're all filled in with an off gray.
colorless to the touch im seeking ways to fill in each gap,
so i pray.
i pray that in some way i can relieve this tension,
this war i fight in my head,
the one striving to reach a new plain.
an everlasting moonlight...
a stained psyche ..
a new pain...
despite the self-treason, i jus embrace the rain.
i confront the blasphemy...
i override the name...
i coincide with the opposite and brush off the shame.
so these mirrors refuse to reflect the image of the sun,
which instead, results an image of evil's aim.
so i stare straight into it until my brain goes numb,
constantly trying to undo my past,
to this repetitive tune that continuously hits glass.
reverbing into the room and echoing into the attic.
multiplying the repetition of the music,
becoming an insomniac addict.
and the more i think,
the more it just stays the same.
i must take action and shouldn't leave it up to blame.







EnD

rebellion

i don't know particularly why, but after i finished scribbling this one, i just called it "rebellion" -- probably because it was originally expressive of growth, and then it just went haywire back to regular scribbles...go figure. how indicative of where i am in life =P

anyyyway, THEN i started playing w/ how it would look w/ different photoshopped thingys. funn funn

and you can click on the picture to see it in better detail

the overly dramatic truth

here's an excerpt from one of my favorite hip-hop artist to date. his style is living proof that there are a few intellectuals that wont dumb it down for you.. unless it comes to talking about a relationship. this is one of my favorites off his newest album..

el-p - 'the overly dramatic truth'

i became for you what you had asked
telepath
you're too young to ask out loud
i'm too old to not know that
i can talk like you've not heard
i know weapons
you think words i exposed you to these terms
you still chose to roll unheard
that could work but
not so fast
you're so open
i'm so crass
i'm too weak to hold that back
you still think intrigue will last
you can't imagine of my past
i just can't explain all that
i wish i could trade you're place
so romantic full of faith
i must spare you
i must learn
i refuse to be your first
first to put you in your place
first to make you speed your pace
i'm a man now (good or bad)
you're a girl still (good for you)
don't think this don't make me sad
this is something i must do

keep you own time (leave me be)
trying to spare you (trying to be)
god melodic (man on fire)
coward long gone (all desire)
fuck you raw now (it's my fault)
fuck you raw dog (i can't stop)
should have listened
should have left
i can't stop unless you jet
it's so simple.. open head
i will nit my savage thread
help me help you (walk away)
leave this un-amazing grace
you don't know from pure disgrace
you still think i'm here to save
i'm not even really here
i can't give what i can't take


there's more but you should listen to the song for its full effect.. heres a link to dl the song, it'll last 7 days

http://download.yousendit.com/AEFBBFC55907A20F

glimpse

slowly crawling up the spine and tearing at the mind
shivers and shudders; a soft-focus on the shutters
dark spots after staring at the light bulb trying to erase thoughts
touch, contact; like a palpatating heart
altered mindstates the grieving mind hates
smile and laugh masquerading the hurt
million thoughts a minute
million miles to sprint
chain link fence seperates the heaven-sent
such conversation and words nonchalant
so out of place and fighting the wants
finally leave to try and catch what can't be seen
breath, love, a sense of calm, sanity
the nightsky sooths the weary mind
loud music drowns the sound of clawing behind the eyes
falling apart slowly and crumbling into an ocean...

Gift Barong Art Show

So last night, (Sat 04.07.07) i attended the screening of the movie; "The Gift of Barong." PYC V helped out with the planning and we were encharge of the entertainment that took place right before the show. PYC members did a fashion show displaying various Filipino culture apparel and did the "Pandango sa Ilaw" dance. 2 PYC musical artist performed, John Macapinlac and Josh (forgot his last name). Then Uncle MeL, Gandmaster Villasin and the other members of the Arnis group did their exhibition of Balintawak Arnis

the movie was well produced and was a pleasure to watch. it's a very enlightening story of two Filipino surfers that grew up here in America. Jon Vilar and Dan Moreno are the main subjects in the film. One day Dan Moreno is asked to go to a party with his mother and she hands him a barong to try on. When he puts it on and looks at himself in the mirror, he finally realizes who he truly was. Him and John plan a trip to the Philippines to explore the best surfing hotspots, as well as learning about the origin of their identity

The movie is hella inspiring and will make you recheck your identity, especially if you're a Filipino who's living here in the states. I guarantee this movie will also make you wanna surf, haha forreals..


So out in the lobby where we screened the movie. we had a small Art exhibition that we set up. The art was comprised of a collective of young Vallejo Filipino Artists.
and here is their stuff:

(please pardon the blurriness of my unsteady hand.)
(click on photos to enlarge)

This is Adrian David and his piece. Lately he's been producing a lot of art for Veterano Memorial events and is part of the Vallejo artist collective "Creatures of the Mind".



This is Adrian's cousin Robin David and her two pieces. She and her cousin paint together and also she does a lot of art in relation to Filipino culture, or issues like the Veteranos. She managed to sell her original piece on the right last night at the event. She is the 2nd member of "Creatures of the Mind"

J.R. is the 3rd member of "Creatures of the Mind" and works with the David's on a number of collaboration pieces. In this piece he flips his signature character along with the Filipino flag.
J.R. makes custom shirts by using just acrylic paint and brush and sells them.






These shoes were custom painted by John Macapinlac. He's currently a student at Hogan High and has been painting shoes for almost a year or two. He originally started painting just for himself but has recently got a number of customers to pay him to do custom painted designs on their shoes.




This is the piece that i did and put on display also for the show last night. It's titled "Everlasting Moonlight among the Staind Psyche", which is basically a play on the movie title "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." This piece took me about 2 weeks to finish. I started off by sketching my design on the canvas and it took me awhile because there were times when i couldn't figure out what to put. It's my very first painting so i wasn't sure how i was gonna do it. I was on spring break fortunately, because if i wasn't i probably wouldn't have had it done by the weekend. I started at the beginning of the week and finished it the day of on SAT. overall im pretty satisfied with it for it being my very first painting that i spent some real effort on. I used acrylic and about 6 different brushed and retouch it constantly (hella perfectionist and shit.)

id explain what it means. but that would take up a whole other blog....so ill save that for later... haha.


EnD...

protocol

damn, nothing but a protocol cat toy; kitten clawing the carpet in the doorway. i'm trippin' over the loose threads he left as a tripwire for the village idiot. next time i slide around and through the back door for swift reentry but the door is shackeled and i am chained. tied to the tree out back like a mutt, staring up at the treehouse fort where the children giggle and play doctor. discovering the secrets of humanity is what everyone strives to do. children ask and never receive answers, adults ask and never receive clarity. bury me. just beneath the sunrise when the moon dies and the stars fade to light. i'm a phantom and i scrawl a wall of grafitti just to holler out to the lord for answers to how high an angel can fly before he runs out of breath; archangel of death stands behind my back with a grimace. distaste is the flavor of my labor on earth, but i love every minute of salvation. thank the omnipotence and pray for clear conscience so i can continue to discover why children cry at night. alone in the dungeon of my many masters' splendor and alive in the factory where adam and eve were banished to. that serpent with the flogging whips and crooked lips. i'm being watched and just because the paranoia is getting to me doesn't mean i'm not being hunted by that kitten with nine tails and splintered doorway claws. i fasten the mask and straighten my glasses; fingerprints blur my vision; and i run to the ocean with open heart. prayer and love overflow and escape my soul as my body is soaked and lying on the beach with a strand of kelp; fiddler crab.

slaps

i swear everyone is thinking
i'm agreeing with them
but it's cause they just don't hear
the beats in my head

lifted.

it's so amazing
that i know such beautiful angels in my lifetime
i steal away a feather from your wings
so i can have proof of your existence
it's no wonder i sleep on pillows
filled of that which takes you higher
...i can dream of heaven better...

fours

it's four am and we're talking
it's four months to go and we're not stopping
it's four-ish days until i see you again
it's four ways to say we care too much
it's four more years until life can begin
it's four nights since i last felt your skin
it's four times as much as i can take in
it's four letters we don't care for these days
it's four chambers pumping away
it's four eyes between our minds
it's four smiles away from happiness
it's four fingers and ultimate bliss
it's four songs more than can fit on the disc
it's four pillows stacked in a corner
it's four blocks from where my day was spent
it's four seasons as a metaphor
it's four-teen floors of hotel rooms
it's four-teen rooms in a hallway
it's four couches, one with you
it's four divided by two
it's four am and i am writing for you

Figment of imagination

Her Figure, From Far away
Clouded my mind, my dreams
Leaving me soul-seared and my heart burning
Trying to take in her beauty, I breezed past her
Lowering my sight to the cracks on the sidewalk pretending preoccupation
NO matter what happens, I’ll still have my dreams
I tried to get her out of my mind but I couldn’t
A girl I never met and a girl I’ll never know, yet still can’t let go
Thoughts drowned in what if’s, maybe’s or what could’ve, would’ve, or should’ve happened
As my consciousness wanders, I begin to wonder and conjure up situations
Where I was a more confident person who approached this girl
That monopolizes my imagination but is absent from my reality
The situation is quite sad you see, as her presence in my life is non-existent
Yet still effects my existence, its hard to stay resistant
Each time I walk past it’s the same as the last
Every day I keep passin, forever I’ll
Imagine

it's hard to make sense when your mind is so mixed.

disaster,disaster. they've hardwired your master.
exasperated her mind. exacavated and underlined.
the femur and the fetus, the attitude; defeatist.
sudden armageddon and we keep forgettin'.
syntactic and syncopated this rhyme scheme's elevated.
global warming! shit, flash the warning!
instant heat has become the elite
force of nature, heating the texture
of the beautiful earth, soon to be first
planet destroyed by our plans deployed.
i sit back and stare as we drift in despair.
stupidity and lack of humility is destroying her fertility.

haiku: "of the moment"

fresh...its really tight to see a lot more new heads up on the tab. tnx for postin and preventing this page from being blank. i encourage you guys to post hella more and invite your friends to join up on this shiz.. no doubt..

-mikey

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

a slip at the mouth
burning inside, ready to leave
erase existence...

Freedom

...a song i wrote about the freedom of speech and its significance...

(Verse 1)

I was told to grab freedom by the reins, and hold on for my dear life, but I was captured by the ball and the chain, untamed for many days contained in a cage, like a beast under pressure and pain, rage grew passed the measuring gauge. Every day I was demoralized, I wondered why people looked at me through medusa’s eyes, leaving me…petrified, terrified, with a shivering spine, shackled, confined with nowhere to fly, placed in a cage ‘cause I spoke with a rhyme, a different tongue, a different tune from what the others sung, a man of different hue, colored brown, with a different sound and view. Because of my differences, I was caged, and wasn’t listened to. I couldn’t take anymore. My voice was dying to poured. So I ripped the floor, and tore apart the door, let myself free. With the strength from my core, freedom is what I fight for.(

(Hook)

I have the freedom to speak and the freedom to write, the freedom to rock the stage and the freedom to rock the mic, these are the freedoms I exercise. I give birth to the verse and I give my words life.

I have the freedom to speak and the freedom to write, the freedom to express and provide mind’s insight. Freedom is ours. Freedom is yours and freedom is mine. Freedom is the power and I hold inside.

(verse 2)

I ask you to hold freedom by the reins. And if a fight remains, then fight for change, fight for life, fight for days. Don’t be contained, enslaved, be as free as the flame that sets the stage ablaze, flow freely like the blood in your veins. If you ever have something to say, then state your claims, speak and convey, don’t leave yourself detained or chained. Let your voice by the blade that levels any terrain. Speak and grow with the torrent of the rivers flows, deliver the blows, shine bright and let your freedom show, speak with strength that never falls or folds. March and hold up you’re your defense; break down the walls of Jericho. Let freedom ring. From the north, south, west to east. Let your voice be heard. Let the chance be seized. Let the world heed the roar of a beast. Hear me. I am free, from the ball and chain released.

(hook)

My Music Piece Called "Life"

[this is actually my college essay i wrote in last semester's english class. we just had to write about what makes us different from other people. so i chose to write about me being a musician, and continued to write how i am different from other musicians]

I am alive...
In what sense am I alive? I live within the upright vibe and melodious rhythm and rhymes from my own mind. I am a music producer and I am an emcee, or you can call me a "rapper" casually, or a lyricist of reality. I am a Master of Ceremonies. I Move the Crowd when from my dome compound im speaking out so loud. With these words I pro-nounce, I hold the flow down. I hit mach 5 passed the barrier of sound with no intentions of slowing down...

I am alive...
Even after I cease to be and breathe the very last breath in me, I will live through the ears of my listening peers. In that way I remain a living entity eternally. Forever will I be entering minds, rendering lines of harmonious chimes, whipping up a batch of words to catch, a perfect recipe of my identity with no comparison or match to rival that of my advanced and acrobatic acts. Genuinely, my style is mathematically and exponentially surpassed that of your typical rap. To say it and lay it out flat simply? It's a fact...

I am alive...
You can try to bring my music to an early end. You can take away my instruments, my hardware or software, you can take away every ingredient, but you can't take away the musician. You can't take away that raw element. You can't take away my thoughts, nor the melodies within my mental. I am a living and breathing instrument, my body and life itself is instrumental.

I am alive...
My birth was my first notation upon the grand staff illustration. I'm never off beat. My life's tempo marches and bounces with every abrupt and syncopation. My name is my time signature, and that time is the present scene. It's evident, my life is a masterpiece upon the music sheet. My heart pulses, and even in my sleep as i breathe deep, my heart makes a constant beat.

I live in days of major and minors chords filled with sharps and flats.
I live to create music based on that...
based upon my current mood,
to create with notes a certain groove.
I live to paint the canvas with the fullness of the spectrum
with every sound and notation, and create music based upon my life's reflection.