me

life has placed before me struggles and troubles that i should not have endeared at such an influential age, but God permitted my heart to accept reality for what it was, and for my will to be strengthened for future obstacles that would attempt to surmount my faith. for this, i find myself at a continuous struggle between adolescence and adulthood, ensuing in an ironically balanced personality consisting of blissfully innocent immaturity and understanding beyond the typical 17 year old’s mentality and heart. my past mistakes have taught me harsh and unforgettable lessons that merely instill in my mind that i am only human. failure will arise from moment to moment, but the act of giving up should by no means be chosen.

blessings come in all shapes and sizes, quantities and qualities, all of which should be used accordingly. i myself have been blessed with an extraordinarily immense amount of learning capabilities that i intend to utilize to my benefit on a daily basis. i believe the blessings you have received from God should be used constantly and worked at until immaculately and enduringly improved, causing development and eccentricity in the inimitable character portrayed through your actions and speech.

the distinctive confidence that i attain within and for myself inspires me to continue toward the progression of a bright future not only in this world but that of in heaven. my willingness to be open about who i am and what i am all about is the consequence of years of trials and tribulations that i have endured for the sake of strength and endurance. all of this causing an appreciation for both the most minute and colossal things in life, therefore marking my entity with undeniable compassion and love.

the privilege of waking up to a new day should in no way or manner be taken for granted, nor should the people you love and trust be forgotten or never catered to. cherish your friends and loved ones and the moments you spend on each one. time is of the essence and memories will never fade, so surrender your time and make memories. live each day as though it were your first, with an enthusiasm to breathe and a willingness for surprises. for you will fail to recognize the day that will be your last, so live as though the day blessed upon you is new.

i'm sorry

Illusions of sunshine seeping through the clouds on that thunderous day
The gloom of my doom brought upon you the canyon growing in your heart
Fulfillment of temptation enticed not by a Midsummer Night’s Dream intoxication
But of the lack of my satisfaction
Not just in hopes of you or of our well-being, but in – it all
I found something surreal from a being so real to me
Giddy and drunk off the sweet taste of something we call love
Young and tender, easy to deceive, wasn’t my role but yours
Smarter than you thought, less caring than you liked to believe
I received your passion with hunger and constant need
Mistaken for love by both parties was the real sin
Obsession and infatuation overcame – it all
I wanted to breathe, I wanted to leave
And so I did.
Timing imperfect as the story always seems to go
Too late for I’m sorry it had to happen this way
But that’s just the way the grass grows
Everyday the pain cut away and happiness in abundance
Flows.

Random thoughts of you possess my current mind
It seems I haven’t left my hopes of you behind
I’ll always question why we didn’t seem to work out
Whether it was you, whether it was me, I’ll always have my doubts

I remember the first day that I met you
I gave you a simple hi excluding the how are you
I passed by you like you were nothing to me
Oblivious to the fact that you already liked me

Somehow the hellos turned into I’ll call yous
And the flirtatious smiles into me being close to you
The simple telling of our characteristics
Turned into the outpouring of our past statistics

I couldn’t believe that you accepted what I had done
Giving myself to you was something that could never be done
Because I myself couldn’t give you me
Since I had already given myself when I was fifteen

God, how I wished that I hadn’t given myself away
That I waited to give myself on my wedding day
I never had regretted doing what I had done
Until this little romance of ours had begun

Why did you have to accept me the way you did
Make me cry tears of your bittersweet acid
The acid that made you give up me as your equal
On what seemed a series without a sequel

Why our love affair had to end
Or why my heart lacks the ability to mend
Over you, over us, over what you done to my life
Over the inexplicable, never healing, always present day strife

You were the knight on the beautiful white horse
Saving me from pain and sorrow so coarse
But you forgot to give me a happily ever after
Filled with love, joy, tears, and laughter

Instead you moved on in a few weeks time
Realizing I wasn’t your career, but only part time
Part time in your life, part time in your heart
Ended up being a fraction you tore apart