so, truth is I can't write for sh*t. I've had a lot on my mind but the transition to paper is no bueno.
so instead I'll share 2 songs I've currently been hooked on.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
(Yui - "AGAIN")
I still got a lot of years ahead of me to just erase these feelings.
I want to go back and finish the things I've yet to finish.
I was suppose to be chasing my ongoing dream.
Yet I faltered over others while walking this thin, winding path.
It's not that I want to return to those days.
I'm searching for the sky I lost.
Don't make that sad face, as if you've fallen victim.
as if you want people to pity you.
Tears aren't the end of your sins.
You have to bear them painfully, forever.
Who are you waiting for in the maze of emotions
where you can't even see the exit?
I want to blurt it out justly,
just like how I wrote in my white notebook
What do you want to run from?.
That thing called "reality"?
(Chorus:)
I just want to scream out,
"I'm only living to fulfill my wish." Can you hear me?
I can't take the safe way out of everything.
I don't even have a place to return to.
I'm always thankful for everyone's kindness,
that's why I want to become stronger. (I'm on the way)
This is reminding me of the old days.
This pain is all right with me.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
(SNSD - "Into the New World" : eng.)
I want to express this time of sadness
even if you hear it after the sadness is scattered.
close your eyes and try to feel my shaking heart
and see the glitter in my eyes when I face you.
Don't wait for a special miracle,
the street where we met is right in front of your eyes.
I can't change the future and habits that I don't know of;
I can't abandon them either.
Please protect me with unchanging love,
all the way up to my scarred heart.
There is no use for words within my gaze,
time has finally come to a stop.
(Chorus:)
I love you.
and at the end of my wandering,
I started to miss that feeling.
I will now say "Goodbye",
to the repeating sadness within this world.
On the many unknown roads,
I chase after that dim light.
No matter long it takes, It' something we'll do together!
After all, It's my world where we can meet again.
Don't wait for a special miracle,
the street where we met is right in front of your eyes.
I can't change the future and habits that I don't know of;
I can't abandon them either.
Please protect me with unchanging love,
all the way up to my scarred heart.
There is no use for words within my gaze,
time has finally come to a stop.
(Chorus)
Like this, I feel the dark night alone.
Your soft tender breathing
warms up the moment.
So that I can now express all my tremblings.
(Chorus 2:)
I love you.
and at the end of my wandering,
I started to miss that feeling.
I will now say "Goodbye",
to the repeating sadness within this world.
Even if I just think of you, I become stronger!
Please help me so that I don't cry
This moments feeling is something we made together
After all, it's out world where we can meet again.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
king
i fell in love with steeze straight out of hip hop's jeans
in the belly of a beast, that's where hip hop sleeps
he lays next to me to meditate mentally
then eventually...
we build up a love that breaks all kinds of chemistry, physics, or any other science you can think of
cuz that's when true love began
and simple friendship switched off
see, i was just a baby
and well, he was already a man
getting ready to cup the world within the palm of his hand
so from then on
he became my reason of dress
the reason why i never get a steady beat coming from my chest
and yes...
that's where he is stationed
and he promised me that that's where he would stay put
i remember one day
i caught him whispering in another lover's ear
talking about, how he could love her for years
so i stop, rewind, and then i get played
and all i can think of was "...hoe."
see he gets around
but its because of him that i learned to be down and
common used to love her
and i still love him
erykah was the love of his life
and to me he's king
but he never bought me flowers or anything bling
cuz i bought that for myself
and thank god i found him cuz he instilled my sense of self
just like what travie said, and i quote
"to me she equaled MC squared and everything else was mathematics
i never took the time to practice"
but i never was a mathematics chump
so me and him, we had a linguistic love
and at age 10, i never planned to fall in love
that's just what instinct does
so i fell in love with steeze straight out of hip hop's jeans
and he'd be my king if only hip hop was a being
in the belly of a beast, that's where hip hop sleeps
he lays next to me to meditate mentally
then eventually...
we build up a love that breaks all kinds of chemistry, physics, or any other science you can think of
cuz that's when true love began
and simple friendship switched off
see, i was just a baby
and well, he was already a man
getting ready to cup the world within the palm of his hand
so from then on
he became my reason of dress
the reason why i never get a steady beat coming from my chest
and yes...
that's where he is stationed
and he promised me that that's where he would stay put
i remember one day
i caught him whispering in another lover's ear
talking about, how he could love her for years
so i stop, rewind, and then i get played
and all i can think of was "...hoe."
see he gets around
but its because of him that i learned to be down and
common used to love her
and i still love him
erykah was the love of his life
and to me he's king
but he never bought me flowers or anything bling
cuz i bought that for myself
and thank god i found him cuz he instilled my sense of self
just like what travie said, and i quote
"to me she equaled MC squared and everything else was mathematics
i never took the time to practice"
but i never was a mathematics chump
so me and him, we had a linguistic love
and at age 10, i never planned to fall in love
that's just what instinct does
so i fell in love with steeze straight out of hip hop's jeans
and he'd be my king if only hip hop was a being
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
tryn to..
its been awhile since i posted..or even wrote .. sucks more that it took this to write..but hopefully its a start =)
***
ps3 and pizza. broken hearts and bali. heart and heal.
this is for the death of a once known home.
goodbye LA.
there you were in sunshine and heat,
an old home.
it was too easy to find comfort within your streets of complication -
there was an anxious exhale as i melted into your palms -
i tried place myself within your contradictions -
but instead at every turn you reminded me that i've left.
i ran away.
tears first, stumbling on my broken heart and surrounded by my fears mocking me.
"we win" they laughed
and all i could do was stare down in embarrassment
thinking my will would be enough to survive the trip into the source of my darkness, my everything.
i held my bag like it was the broken pieces of my heart
all i could collect
all that was left.
as i watched them break and fall from my eyes,
i could only but watch in agony
how quickly
how effortlessly
how naturally they gave up.
the sirens unravel in the emptiness of my failure.
they are thick, a choking poison - cancer of survival
i sit still in the remnants of your love diffused, burnt away.
how could one solitary place of strength change so much?
i turmoil within the crimson question of what, have i done?
where have i gone?
and how do i deal?
through slow sips of death to the body meaning quick death of the mind
through painful reminder of reality meaning realms wreck insights into my love
how do i endure the survival of my ghosts?
running into my psyche albeit my attempt to hide their eminence.
they haunt me into surrendering
i can only but submit to their melancholy musings.
my heart that has crawled in hope is dying.
it is being drained of all things beautiful and unrealized.
singlehandedly by the death of your promise,
it will soon not exist.
forever and ever.
***
ps3 and pizza. broken hearts and bali. heart and heal.
this is for the death of a once known home.
goodbye LA.
there you were in sunshine and heat,
an old home.
it was too easy to find comfort within your streets of complication -
there was an anxious exhale as i melted into your palms -
i tried place myself within your contradictions -
but instead at every turn you reminded me that i've left.
i ran away.
tears first, stumbling on my broken heart and surrounded by my fears mocking me.
"we win" they laughed
and all i could do was stare down in embarrassment
thinking my will would be enough to survive the trip into the source of my darkness, my everything.
i held my bag like it was the broken pieces of my heart
all i could collect
all that was left.
as i watched them break and fall from my eyes,
i could only but watch in agony
how quickly
how effortlessly
how naturally they gave up.
the sirens unravel in the emptiness of my failure.
they are thick, a choking poison - cancer of survival
i sit still in the remnants of your love diffused, burnt away.
how could one solitary place of strength change so much?
i turmoil within the crimson question of what, have i done?
where have i gone?
and how do i deal?
through slow sips of death to the body meaning quick death of the mind
through painful reminder of reality meaning realms wreck insights into my love
how do i endure the survival of my ghosts?
running into my psyche albeit my attempt to hide their eminence.
they haunt me into surrendering
i can only but submit to their melancholy musings.
my heart that has crawled in hope is dying.
it is being drained of all things beautiful and unrealized.
singlehandedly by the death of your promise,
it will soon not exist.
forever and ever.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
overload principle
many are the hours that drag on like run on sentences
what it is can never explain what has compelled me to come to this
when drunken thoughts remain the same even after the alchy fades
and not even your sober mind can make sense of the masquerades
an awkward night sets up the following day's conversation
as you recall the things you wish you said had it been a different occasion
only your true friends can feel and witness your underlying heartaches
that are undermined by climate control, fake smiles and forced hand shakes
externally you're composed, but inside you're at a boil
as you try not to stare at the dried up dirt you once considered your rich soil
if everyday i nourished you with water, sunlight and flower seeds
and in the end the rose bloom was not destined to live for me
then i pray that God may count me ready when He deems so
and send me the most heavenly nourished love that comes matured enough to know
that every ounce of strength i've acquired from every struggle since
will be rewarded to me in the form of an appreciative, FAITHFUL & starlit prince.
what it is can never explain what has compelled me to come to this
when drunken thoughts remain the same even after the alchy fades
and not even your sober mind can make sense of the masquerades
an awkward night sets up the following day's conversation
as you recall the things you wish you said had it been a different occasion
only your true friends can feel and witness your underlying heartaches
that are undermined by climate control, fake smiles and forced hand shakes
externally you're composed, but inside you're at a boil
as you try not to stare at the dried up dirt you once considered your rich soil
if everyday i nourished you with water, sunlight and flower seeds
and in the end the rose bloom was not destined to live for me
then i pray that God may count me ready when He deems so
and send me the most heavenly nourished love that comes matured enough to know
that every ounce of strength i've acquired from every struggle since
will be rewarded to me in the form of an appreciative, FAITHFUL & starlit prince.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
promise
here's a drafted unfinished piece from 4/12/08 1:28 PM
i was inspired beyond the possibility of language
with each breath
i knew to take my deepest
inhaling in hopes to remember more
and an exhale to leave behind the bittersweet
and in passion i held it in
in hopes of prolonging the moment
...but the temporary state of my fleeting present
as it slipped to my past
and the future came too soon
i found sudden peace in his promises
that forever was nothing to fear at all
and pain was nothing more than a stutter
in beautiful song
i could still hear his melodic love
passing through me like a song
i couldn't remember the words
but my heart was in it
even through heartache
he still beat through my veins
i could still hear his melody
and it pulsed my heart back into one
strengthened by faith
strengthened by promise
a night left freely open to the darkness
only to prove that i could shine through like the stars
so i used the constellations
as my only constant
i followed their messages when i was lost
tired and weary
but i could never forget their shine
pushing me forward
and awakening to each new day
with a hope
of his promise of forever
and i knew i was never afraid.
i promised to love him forever
we began our journey from infinity
and counted backwards toward the end of days
aaahhhh blahblahblah
i was inspired beyond the possibility of language
with each breath
i knew to take my deepest
inhaling in hopes to remember more
and an exhale to leave behind the bittersweet
and in passion i held it in
in hopes of prolonging the moment
...but the temporary state of my fleeting present
as it slipped to my past
and the future came too soon
i found sudden peace in his promises
that forever was nothing to fear at all
and pain was nothing more than a stutter
in beautiful song
i could still hear his melodic love
passing through me like a song
i couldn't remember the words
but my heart was in it
even through heartache
he still beat through my veins
i could still hear his melody
and it pulsed my heart back into one
strengthened by faith
strengthened by promise
a night left freely open to the darkness
only to prove that i could shine through like the stars
so i used the constellations
as my only constant
i followed their messages when i was lost
tired and weary
but i could never forget their shine
pushing me forward
and awakening to each new day
with a hope
of his promise of forever
and i knew i was never afraid.
i promised to love him forever
we began our journey from infinity
and counted backwards toward the end of days
aaahhhh blahblahblah
high six
super unfinished and not edited but its cool. oh and just to let you know i have six fingers on my right hand and only my right hand weirrrrrrrrd i know.
too often i stare at my hands
wondering
contemplating and differentiating
between what my hands tend to do
and what they intend to do
because there is a difference.
are they bound to a life
of meager work
that match their feminine stature?
or are they mean for that gritty shit
that's reflected from the scars and
grease that cover them.
Or perhaps does their misshapen symetry
have a particular use that has not been revealed to me?
Is their unique shape that missing
puzzle piece that makes my
hand fit yours in such a perfect manner
that i makes it hard to let you go?
I'd like my hands to have that unique ability
to change whatever it was I touched
from it's original form,
to something better.
I want them to leave imprints and impressions
so deep in whatever i touch
that they make caves in people's souls,
so that my song may resonate and
resound in them like and echo
that never fades.
my hands yearn for that touch so electric,
that they'd go numb in the instance
that we meet.
That kind of touch that sends a shock to
your heart and makes it skip a beat
or two
or three.
Thay want to be free
to explore the curves around that girl's face
and find their warmth entangled with her hair,
and maybe lose feeling from a bite on their
wrist.
As clumsy and faulty as my hands can be
they tend to find their confidence
during certain times.
Like when they are wrapped around a pen
dancing across pages
or when they are grasping tight
to a steering wheel.
or better yet
when they are shaky and inconfident
they find their strength when
they are clasped around yours
as if in the mids of their torrential trembling
they find a calm in the storm
when you happen to be around.
too often i stare at my hands
wondering
contemplating and differentiating
between what my hands tend to do
and what they intend to do
because there is a difference.
are they bound to a life
of meager work
that match their feminine stature?
or are they mean for that gritty shit
that's reflected from the scars and
grease that cover them.
Or perhaps does their misshapen symetry
have a particular use that has not been revealed to me?
Is their unique shape that missing
puzzle piece that makes my
hand fit yours in such a perfect manner
that i makes it hard to let you go?
I'd like my hands to have that unique ability
to change whatever it was I touched
from it's original form,
to something better.
I want them to leave imprints and impressions
so deep in whatever i touch
that they make caves in people's souls,
so that my song may resonate and
resound in them like and echo
that never fades.
my hands yearn for that touch so electric,
that they'd go numb in the instance
that we meet.
That kind of touch that sends a shock to
your heart and makes it skip a beat
or two
or three.
Thay want to be free
to explore the curves around that girl's face
and find their warmth entangled with her hair,
and maybe lose feeling from a bite on their
wrist.
As clumsy and faulty as my hands can be
they tend to find their confidence
during certain times.
Like when they are wrapped around a pen
dancing across pages
or when they are grasping tight
to a steering wheel.
or better yet
when they are shaky and inconfident
they find their strength when
they are clasped around yours
as if in the mids of their torrential trembling
they find a calm in the storm
when you happen to be around.
Friday, April 10, 2009
yeahhhhh
she is the song i cant get out of my head.
that tone that rings in your ears.
you've disrupted my highest
and lowest frequencies.
i've learned to only hear your song.
that tone that rings in your ears.
you've disrupted my highest
and lowest frequencies.
i've learned to only hear your song.
Friday, April 3, 2009
two minutes.
*this is no longer relevant. i wrote this a while ago while i was still lovey dovey with an ex.
I can’t paint a picture to tell you how I feel
But I can recite infinite words from infinite verses
And if for two minutes, you keep your lips sealed
I can recite you some emotions in two minute splurges
It could be me and you and our hands in between
And if I drew the hole in your heart, would you pencil me in?
I’ll create you a piece filled with nothing but whispers
In your ear, I want to…
Carelessly whisper
Sweet nothings until those nothings turn into quivers
A soft touch from our lips, they linger
But trust me, if I was just a little bit richer
I’d take you to all the galaxies
Ride a shooting star where your love can straddle me
Cradle me
In the grooves of your arms
Tell me I’m your queen and king you’re my star
Shooting distances where only your paper and my pen can meet
Like graffiti to a wall
You’re my blessing in the streets
And your heart, is my present in disguise
Silently asking to keep it by the look in my eyes
And I’ll mold your fingers to interlock with mine
Like I said in the last poem, we match
But this time it’s like good food and wine
The silhouette of our kiss is like love’s new design
And this is no longer child’s play
Cause we’re growing into refined
The syllables of your mouth are being embedded in my mind
And for some reason, that’s all I can say
It’s a night different from others with confessions made
And for tonight, I’ll wear my heart on my sleeves
Then morning, you’ll see it lay upon my jeans
Right next to “weak” whose house is in my knees
Three uttered words, let my heart be the mouth
Last confession made
My two minutes is almost out
So let me paint a picture with the words stumbling out
Let me scribble marks over yesterday’s doubts
And let me edit our emotions with today’s marks
Transform what we had into a modern day spark
And it’s pointless to tell you that I’m in love with art,
but I think you’ll like it when I say that the best part of your “heART” is the art.
I can’t paint a picture to tell you how I feel
But I can recite infinite words from infinite verses
And if for two minutes, you keep your lips sealed
I can recite you some emotions in two minute splurges
It could be me and you and our hands in between
And if I drew the hole in your heart, would you pencil me in?
I’ll create you a piece filled with nothing but whispers
In your ear, I want to…
Carelessly whisper
Sweet nothings until those nothings turn into quivers
A soft touch from our lips, they linger
But trust me, if I was just a little bit richer
I’d take you to all the galaxies
Ride a shooting star where your love can straddle me
Cradle me
In the grooves of your arms
Tell me I’m your queen and king you’re my star
Shooting distances where only your paper and my pen can meet
Like graffiti to a wall
You’re my blessing in the streets
And your heart, is my present in disguise
Silently asking to keep it by the look in my eyes
And I’ll mold your fingers to interlock with mine
Like I said in the last poem, we match
But this time it’s like good food and wine
The silhouette of our kiss is like love’s new design
And this is no longer child’s play
Cause we’re growing into refined
The syllables of your mouth are being embedded in my mind
And for some reason, that’s all I can say
It’s a night different from others with confessions made
And for tonight, I’ll wear my heart on my sleeves
Then morning, you’ll see it lay upon my jeans
Right next to “weak” whose house is in my knees
Three uttered words, let my heart be the mouth
Last confession made
My two minutes is almost out
So let me paint a picture with the words stumbling out
Let me scribble marks over yesterday’s doubts
And let me edit our emotions with today’s marks
Transform what we had into a modern day spark
And it’s pointless to tell you that I’m in love with art,
but I think you’ll like it when I say that the best part of your “heART” is the art.
freestyle.
ok soo...it's been forever since i've freestyled, so i wanted to try it again. i know it doesn't make sense or anything, but gotta keep the freestyle as raw as possible...i don't wanna read it again or else i'll edit it, so here goes...hope you likes...
------------
lynnerdz (1:45:18 AM): ...i was waiting for his green light
lynnerdz (1:45:26 AM): and i was so ready and set to go
lynnerdz (1:45:30 AM): i met him before daylight savings
lynnerdz (1:45:32 AM): the sun was still out
lynnerdz (1:45:46 AM): sun streaked days and i couldn't wait to watch them steal away to night
lynnerdz (1:45:54 AM): i'm down for this struggle of squinting my eyes
lynnerdz (1:46:00 AM): if it's him i'm tryna find through the moonlight
lynnerdz (1:46:06 AM): and there was something about the light
lynnerdz (1:46:10 AM): he always reminded me to search deeper for it
lynnerdz (1:46:17 AM): i figured it should've been more obvious maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:23 AM): more mysterious maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:27 AM): even more hidden in a sense
lynnerdz (1:46:32 AM): and maybe i'd know where to find it
lynnerdz (1:46:33 AM): maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:39 AM): ...but then again i was squinting
lynnerdz (1:46:45 AM): searching too hard for what should've been obvious
lynnerdz (1:46:51 AM): it was, after all...only daylight
lynnerdz (1:47:03 AM): and he was ready to save me away from the days i left behind in the past
lynnerdz (1:47:08 AM): i'm ready to struggle through the sunlight
lynnerdz (1:47:13 AM): just as long as it's his warmth i'm feeling
lynnerdz (1:47:27 AM): it's sickening almost how sweet he makes me wanna be
lynnerdz (1:47:33 AM): like too much candy i can't stomach the thought
lynnerdz (1:47:36 AM): and maybe...
lynnerdz (1:47:38 AM): maybe...
lynnerdz (1:47:45 AM): maybe it would make more sense if i had him in smaller doses
lynnerdz (1:47:49 AM): i'm down for the balance
lynnerdz (1:47:56 AM): just as long as he's the one keeping me grounded
lynnerdz (1:48:02 AM): founded on this floored mentality of his existence
lynnerdz (1:48:07 AM): it's dope tho i have to admit
lynnerdz (1:48:11 AM): watching him shine through my life
lynnerdz (1:48:15 AM): just like daylight
lynnerdz (1:48:17 AM): and maybe...
lynnerdz (1:48:25 AM): maybe he'll shine me back to reality
lynnerdz (1:48:37 AM): and then i had to remember it was only daylight savings
lynnerdz (1:48:47 AM): i could only fall back onto what already existed
lynnerdz (1:48:54 AM): his breath was all i could remember tho
lynnerdz (1:49:13 AM): springing me forward into that reality
lynnerdz (1:49:16 AM): i'm tired i guess
lynnerdz (1:49:28 AM): and after losing an hour
lynnerdz (1:49:29 AM): or two
lynnerdz (1:49:33 AM): and gaining it back again
lynnerdz (1:49:37 AM): maybe he didn't save me at all
lynnerdz (1:49:43 AM): from the light i was squinting too hard to see
lynnerdz (1:49:47 AM): he just caught me in mid fall
lynnerdz (1:49:54 AM): he saved daylight...not me.
------------
lynnerdz (1:45:18 AM): ...i was waiting for his green light
lynnerdz (1:45:26 AM): and i was so ready and set to go
lynnerdz (1:45:30 AM): i met him before daylight savings
lynnerdz (1:45:32 AM): the sun was still out
lynnerdz (1:45:46 AM): sun streaked days and i couldn't wait to watch them steal away to night
lynnerdz (1:45:54 AM): i'm down for this struggle of squinting my eyes
lynnerdz (1:46:00 AM): if it's him i'm tryna find through the moonlight
lynnerdz (1:46:06 AM): and there was something about the light
lynnerdz (1:46:10 AM): he always reminded me to search deeper for it
lynnerdz (1:46:17 AM): i figured it should've been more obvious maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:23 AM): more mysterious maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:27 AM): even more hidden in a sense
lynnerdz (1:46:32 AM): and maybe i'd know where to find it
lynnerdz (1:46:33 AM): maybe
lynnerdz (1:46:39 AM): ...but then again i was squinting
lynnerdz (1:46:45 AM): searching too hard for what should've been obvious
lynnerdz (1:46:51 AM): it was, after all...only daylight
lynnerdz (1:47:03 AM): and he was ready to save me away from the days i left behind in the past
lynnerdz (1:47:08 AM): i'm ready to struggle through the sunlight
lynnerdz (1:47:13 AM): just as long as it's his warmth i'm feeling
lynnerdz (1:47:27 AM): it's sickening almost how sweet he makes me wanna be
lynnerdz (1:47:33 AM): like too much candy i can't stomach the thought
lynnerdz (1:47:36 AM): and maybe...
lynnerdz (1:47:38 AM): maybe...
lynnerdz (1:47:45 AM): maybe it would make more sense if i had him in smaller doses
lynnerdz (1:47:49 AM): i'm down for the balance
lynnerdz (1:47:56 AM): just as long as he's the one keeping me grounded
lynnerdz (1:48:02 AM): founded on this floored mentality of his existence
lynnerdz (1:48:07 AM): it's dope tho i have to admit
lynnerdz (1:48:11 AM): watching him shine through my life
lynnerdz (1:48:15 AM): just like daylight
lynnerdz (1:48:17 AM): and maybe...
lynnerdz (1:48:25 AM): maybe he'll shine me back to reality
lynnerdz (1:48:37 AM): and then i had to remember it was only daylight savings
lynnerdz (1:48:47 AM): i could only fall back onto what already existed
lynnerdz (1:48:54 AM): his breath was all i could remember tho
lynnerdz (1:49:13 AM): springing me forward into that reality
lynnerdz (1:49:16 AM): i'm tired i guess
lynnerdz (1:49:28 AM): and after losing an hour
lynnerdz (1:49:29 AM): or two
lynnerdz (1:49:33 AM): and gaining it back again
lynnerdz (1:49:37 AM): maybe he didn't save me at all
lynnerdz (1:49:43 AM): from the light i was squinting too hard to see
lynnerdz (1:49:47 AM): he just caught me in mid fall
lynnerdz (1:49:54 AM): he saved daylight...not me.
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