no answer

steps i've taken backward
reveal holes in the vision--
blind spots that have yet to be seen

my feet fit nicely in the imprints
a stenciled outline of each foot
suggesting that is where they should remain

it's no surprise. upon a moment of clear mind
doubled the distance i needed to walk.
getting nowhere swiftly, i realize.

aren't there more places to go.
things i wanted to see?

why so complicated
when it's actually simple

Dear Teacher

Dear Teacher,

I thought I should let you know I am applying to graduate school.
Wish me luck!
Looking back on it, I remember all those years in school just vaguely.
I mostly remember being more concerned about what I was wearing
(more than doing my homework)
who would be my best friend (of that particular week)
if the burritos were being served for lunch on Fridays
and whether or not I was paired up with my friends for class activities.
I’m sure I learned some other stuff...like...math or something.
...whatever it was –

I can vaguely recall I must’ve learned something academic...

...but I definitely remembered you.

Like that one time, in Kindergarten,
when you helped us decorate our names
and use the strongest tape to tape it onto our desks

...otherwise it would be gone the next day.

Or that one time in 2nd grade
when I came crying to you because Billy called me a “shrimp”
-- you told me that I wasn’t a “shrimp” - I was just “petite”

And that time in 5th grade when you didn’t let me get too arrogant
when I won the School-wide spelling bee by spelling “auspicious” correctly
-- and then you didn’t make me feel stupid
for losing at the Solano County Spelling Bee Finals
because I misspelled the word “pseudonym”
(you told me you were so proud of me anyway

and that I did a great job, remember?)

And in 7th grade when you had us memorize Shakespeare

and recite it to the entire class
I don’t know why, but I chose Titania’s speech
(I had no clue what the passage actually meant anyway)
you knew my hands were shaking and I was stuttering like crazy
but you pretended not to notice, anyway.

Or even that time in 10th grade -- during any of my presentations,
you stopped me every time I said the word “like”

 when it didn’t belong in the sentence
like, you know when, like, I didn’t, like,

know what to say, like, during my presentation
-- and you made me start over and over until I got it right.

And even in those first few years of college,
you told me that late work is NOT accepted,
traffic is not a valid reason for coming late to class,
and neither is not being able to find parking
(which you know was totally true

and I tried to explain it to you multiple times)

And somehow, even after all that, you were still willing to help me
you wrote a letter of recommendation

to the graduate studies department on my behalf
telling the program administrators

how much potential you see in me as a future graduate student.

-----

You see, there’s simply no way I could forget you --

Because when you taped my name to my desk in Kindergarten,
I realized that, for the first time, outside of my home --
I had a special place here at school
and pursuing my education was where I should be everyday

And when you didn’t let me believe Billy when he called me a “shrimp”
you showed me the power of words
and gave me self confidence I never knew before
that I am fine just the way I am
and who I am is nothing to be ashamed of

Then when you told me you were proud of me

when I won the spelling bee (and lost it)
you reminded me that success is never final
failure happens and it hurts, but it is bearable
and our best efforts, win or lose, are what brings out the best in us
You taught me how to keep my ego in check in winning
and how to uplift my heavy heart in losing

Even in 7th grade,

you knew I had no clue what Shakespeare was trying to write
-- to this day,

I still don’t know the full meaning of the passage I memorized
but you were patient with my discomfort in public speaking
and instead of penalizing me for my fears
you let me shake, sweat, and stutter
and showed me that after I get over my fears
is when I can freely express myself
you gave me the opportunity to embrace the fear
(and as you can see,

I’m not so scared of public speaking anymore)

And even when it was almost ridiculous how many times
you had to stop me

in the middle of those 10th grade presentations
just to get me to stop saying the word “like”
I learned the importance of choosing my words carefully
-- no fillers necessary
(and of course, saying “like” a million times was pretty annoying, I’m sure)
reminding me time and time again

that being sure of every single word I chose to speak
would resonate with the message I was trying to communicate
I learned the importance

of being articulate and purposeful in my speech
and what it really meant to speak with conviction.

And even though, at the time, I might have felt you were too strict
on your policy regarding late work or being late to class
or...just anything related to the word “late” in any way, shape, or form,
-- it really drove the point home that if I wanted to succeed in life,
excuses won’t get me anywhere

and they will not take me any closer to progress or success
and if I really wanted to make something happen,

I would do what was necessary
and make the necessary sacrifices to make it really happen.

-----

So when I had my interview two days ago for graduate school
...I remembered you and that after all that I put you through --
you still had faith in me,

believed in me,

and encouraged me to follow my heart
and when they asked me why I want to be admitted to this program

and become a teacher

-- I knew exactly why.

Because with all of these lessons you taught me,
you inspired me and showed me

that in order to accomplish something great,
I can and must do great things -- things that I truly believe in.
You helped instill in me

the motivation,

determination,

and inspiration to achieve my goals
and showed me that success is inevitable

when I put my heart into my work.

Because of you,

I learned that education

can serve as the catalyst for us, as students,
to identify, pursue, and reach our own personal goals.
Because of you, I learned
that teachers grow our tomorrows

and help mold future generations
simply put, because of you -- I learned.
And for all of these things, I just wanted to say thank you -
You have made all the difference in my life.

Sincerely,

Your student

...and hopefully someday soon -- future teacher

black waves swayed with worn out moist eyelids.
the muscles in my chest tightened as it tried to grasp hold of the moment.

a familiar sight, a familiar figure emerged from the crowd.
the racing paced back and forth only to fail on recalling an actual "last time"
A swallow pulled the sight back to reality.
By then, the appreciation of the building architecture became more apparent.

Both hands fought against each other.
One attempting to reach out as the other drew it back in.
the confusion was suppose to have settled things,
but the past couldnt help but catch up.

Again.