is it what is actually beautiful
that tends to attract?
or is it just what may intrigue?
art is something beyond the inevitable honest truth --
it is the truth
as it stands and speaks with no words
people are intrigued
so much that they forget the right word
to describe their stupor...
so they stutter and accidentally call it
...beautiful.
and one may wonder
why the chase is so appealing
one can only wonder
if there is a clarified difference
definition of it
or if everyone was tricked
and no one may really know
that incredible
honest
...truth of beauty.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
two in a row, yeah i did it.
cutesy eyes and devilish grins
the means never justify the ends
and vice versa; minor, ursa
split the seams and spill the dreams
split the beans and devour the seeds
anti-schizm and rather intimate
this feeling is mutual, let's incriminate
minds and signs, eyes and body language
wandering smiles, vagabond heart travels for miles
a dark concrete lot
strangers slingin' their crops
wax melting as a metaphor
strangers with the same stories
i'd love to help you but i have no money
i'd love to help you but the faucet's not running
empty mind and soft words spoken
i know you're jaded and heart's been broken
i'm careless and i've never been good with girls
my heart is racing and my mind is pacing
but believe you me, kid, i'm still complacent
shit's got me down, but i can take it
it's the same as my last two, heart vacant
let's thrive in the time
and don't take no bullshit
our time to shine and experience the worstest
subtle smiles seductive denial
articulated nomenclature in all seriousness
like i said, though, i say it again
i got you kid, "best believe dat shit."
the means never justify the ends
and vice versa; minor, ursa
split the seams and spill the dreams
split the beans and devour the seeds
anti-schizm and rather intimate
this feeling is mutual, let's incriminate
minds and signs, eyes and body language
wandering smiles, vagabond heart travels for miles
a dark concrete lot
strangers slingin' their crops
wax melting as a metaphor
strangers with the same stories
i'd love to help you but i have no money
i'd love to help you but the faucet's not running
empty mind and soft words spoken
i know you're jaded and heart's been broken
i'm careless and i've never been good with girls
my heart is racing and my mind is pacing
but believe you me, kid, i'm still complacent
shit's got me down, but i can take it
it's the same as my last two, heart vacant
let's thrive in the time
and don't take no bullshit
our time to shine and experience the worstest
subtle smiles seductive denial
articulated nomenclature in all seriousness
like i said, though, i say it again
i got you kid, "best believe dat shit."
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
antinomy
here's a little something i wrote last night around 3:45...
an allegory antonymous with autonomy; this paranoia deprives me of sleep. bandana over my eyes and the left side is a cellophane-draped secret. cartilage weakened, nerves tweakin', eye twitching and mind bitching about every little astronomical symbol disguised under a firm section of skin; touch. fingertips and constellations: she's tracing ursa minor over my bicep. my only strength is weakness in her presence. headache revolting, heartbeat pulsing. palpatations and reservations cloaked as a steady eye and convincing straight face laced with a trace of angst and i'm instantly pacing through my soul. synth beat on repeat to intensify the heat. pupils dialate late at night and i sigh in my insomniac state of mind. pretend to sleep to fool my brain while i maintain an open eye fixated on the aura of my own mind as it overly-excitedly dances throughout the early morning / late night. kill the light, we're done for the night.
an allegory antonymous with autonomy; this paranoia deprives me of sleep. bandana over my eyes and the left side is a cellophane-draped secret. cartilage weakened, nerves tweakin', eye twitching and mind bitching about every little astronomical symbol disguised under a firm section of skin; touch. fingertips and constellations: she's tracing ursa minor over my bicep. my only strength is weakness in her presence. headache revolting, heartbeat pulsing. palpatations and reservations cloaked as a steady eye and convincing straight face laced with a trace of angst and i'm instantly pacing through my soul. synth beat on repeat to intensify the heat. pupils dialate late at night and i sigh in my insomniac state of mind. pretend to sleep to fool my brain while i maintain an open eye fixated on the aura of my own mind as it overly-excitedly dances throughout the early morning / late night. kill the light, we're done for the night.
I'm just going to leave this untitled.
Something small I wrote last year. I thought I could add onto it, but I like it the way it is:
Untitled
I still continue to miss you.
I continue to envision you in my future.
But I know that it means nothing
because you've already drifted
so far away from me.
I stood along the shore
calling out to you,
but you had become a speck
in the distant sun
as you floated over
the ocean of my dreams.
I'm left there struggling
with my heart
because there is a part of me that loves you to no end
and there is a part of me that wants to let go.
I tried to jump into the water after you,
but it was useless
as I nearly drowned myself
in our memories and
the thoughts of what we had wanted to be.
I somehow floated back to land.
I washed up, gasping for air,
and drenched in all the broken promises.
After laying on the sand for a while,
I sat up and stared out
at the setting sun,
the direction you were heading.
Yet as I felt the water gently wash up against me,
I breathed in hope
that one day the winds
will re-direct your route
and return you to me...
Untitled
I still continue to miss you.
I continue to envision you in my future.
But I know that it means nothing
because you've already drifted
so far away from me.
I stood along the shore
calling out to you,
but you had become a speck
in the distant sun
as you floated over
the ocean of my dreams.
I'm left there struggling
with my heart
because there is a part of me that loves you to no end
and there is a part of me that wants to let go.
I tried to jump into the water after you,
but it was useless
as I nearly drowned myself
in our memories and
the thoughts of what we had wanted to be.
I somehow floated back to land.
I washed up, gasping for air,
and drenched in all the broken promises.
After laying on the sand for a while,
I sat up and stared out
at the setting sun,
the direction you were heading.
Yet as I felt the water gently wash up against me,
I breathed in hope
that one day the winds
will re-direct your route
and return you to me...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
run-on sentences
an amazing light of my life in my lifetime
who made me realize that the world was never really spinning
unless i was the one who pushed it
and what do you know
he taught my fingers the dance
to make it twirl like a disco ball
so we can just live our lives like the dance it really was...
never forgotten
but rather,
always in tweaked out memories
of the sneaked out temporary
...loving life deeper than tomorrow
and stronger than yesterday
and immersed in the present day
i couldn't help but --
...soak it up.
inhaled excitement and exhaled nostalgia.
my god -- can you believe it?
an amazing essence in my life
who made me realize that scribbles were just rushed genius --
it was the paper that was too sloppy for not catching the intensity
...the inspiration that fell through the quick strokes.
pencils got lazy
and couldn't figure out my language
because they only knew their own lead and how to lead it along
...just like a song
needing a melody to carry it
but just because it doesn't rhyme
doesn't mean it's not a song
and just because it has no reason
doesn't mean it makes no sense
and all this time you tried to figure
what i was trying to say
but the words were a lot less of the meaning
and i'll admit it and say it this way --
life's a blur of emotions
reckless thoughts and careful actions
predictions that are wrong
and lifetimes that stay strong -- even through short spans of years
no one will ever catch strength inbetween caution
and i'll remember this when i teach you my newest song...
it scribbles voice tones
and you might have to read it sideways
but it's cursive when you speak it
and no punctuation when you remember...
because life was more than structure
and words meant more
if you gave them new meaning
it's a language he taught me
that when you learn to unlearn
and forget everything you think you know
you are higher than the stars you wished on previously
because they were no longer your aspirations
...they were your creations
placed at the end of your pencil
no need to search
or unnecessarily wish
there was no secret to life
because you lived it daily
there's no need to hide
when you are the beauty everyone spoke about
that essence of life...
he taught me that you can write in run on sentences
...just as long as you meant every word.
oikjsfklokthatmakesnosense =P
who made me realize that the world was never really spinning
unless i was the one who pushed it
and what do you know
he taught my fingers the dance
to make it twirl like a disco ball
so we can just live our lives like the dance it really was...
never forgotten
but rather,
always in tweaked out memories
of the sneaked out temporary
...loving life deeper than tomorrow
and stronger than yesterday
and immersed in the present day
i couldn't help but --
...soak it up.
inhaled excitement and exhaled nostalgia.
my god -- can you believe it?
an amazing essence in my life
who made me realize that scribbles were just rushed genius --
it was the paper that was too sloppy for not catching the intensity
...the inspiration that fell through the quick strokes.
pencils got lazy
and couldn't figure out my language
because they only knew their own lead and how to lead it along
...just like a song
needing a melody to carry it
but just because it doesn't rhyme
doesn't mean it's not a song
and just because it has no reason
doesn't mean it makes no sense
and all this time you tried to figure
what i was trying to say
but the words were a lot less of the meaning
and i'll admit it and say it this way --
life's a blur of emotions
reckless thoughts and careful actions
predictions that are wrong
and lifetimes that stay strong -- even through short spans of years
no one will ever catch strength inbetween caution
and i'll remember this when i teach you my newest song...
it scribbles voice tones
and you might have to read it sideways
but it's cursive when you speak it
and no punctuation when you remember...
because life was more than structure
and words meant more
if you gave them new meaning
it's a language he taught me
that when you learn to unlearn
and forget everything you think you know
you are higher than the stars you wished on previously
because they were no longer your aspirations
...they were your creations
placed at the end of your pencil
no need to search
or unnecessarily wish
there was no secret to life
because you lived it daily
there's no need to hide
when you are the beauty everyone spoke about
that essence of life...
he taught me that you can write in run on sentences
...just as long as you meant every word.
oikjsfklokthatmakesnosense =P
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
tree bending
I started the sketch at Kentwig bowling. Girl in the lane next to us asked if she could look through my book.. it eventually sparked the typical convo of what I do with my art and stuff. After I said my "nice to meet yalls, have a good night" they wanted to see what I was sketching.
One of them said "she kinda looks like she's bending backwards"
Afterwards in the car I told ant, "It's funny how I don't really know the meaning behind my own drawings sometimes. But the more I hear people's reactions, the more it makes sense sometimes."
One of them said "she kinda looks like she's bending backwards"
Afterwards in the car I told ant, "It's funny how I don't really know the meaning behind my own drawings sometimes. But the more I hear people's reactions, the more it makes sense sometimes."
xLe's hand
haha...ok xLe i'm gonna test this picture thing.
this is xLe's hand. i scribbled on it while we were waiting to get seated at denny's after the "spoken word is dead" iLL-lit show. =P
this is xLe's hand. i scribbled on it while we were waiting to get seated at denny's after the "spoken word is dead" iLL-lit show. =P
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Bees, Birds, and Everything Between
This is an old poem from 2005. I have yet post it anywhere else. I will contribute newer poems in the near future. Thanks again Eileen!
Bees, Birds, and Everything Between
By:mindself
I explain my thoughts with a slight hesitation
for my thoughts don't represent my own generation
I believe we're corrupted by a materialistic theme
looking for our own self-esteem in a rubble of false dreams
And it seems like we're losing touch with reality
Abandoning our morality for sexuality
He's hot, he's handsome
She's sexy, she's gorgeous
The world is holding ransom
Our innocents,
While most of us adore lust
The luscious clothing is molding
Young hearts
Because their misunderstanding of 'intimacy' is controlling
While holding the private body parts
Tongue rings, tight jeans,
Belly buttons with gleams of what's between the legs of the
Obscene
Thongs and short skirts
Showing your midriff with small shirts
Are fans of any pervert
And it's accepted by many as a tool for our sexual aspect
But if you have any, would you trade it in for respect?
Because it's a natural reaction for someone attractive
Perverted thoughts are in the head because of today's fashion
or any reason we can use as a scapegoat
it's the movies, it's the music videos
it's when that grown man is throwing dollar bills to the stripper on the pole
it's artificial birth marks scattered on the 'Temple'
Needles of pain designed to explain
our depth of emotion for the living and the dead we still obtain
but some will use to entertain
for attention from the masses right above the asses
or any location that surpasses our view
We imagine that many have them
is it a sexual attraction or just a tattoo?
A 'VIVID' picture is on the television
Will tell many different erotic positions
We're mesmerized by the curves
Excited by her nerves to yell out loud
The story plot was corny but it still got you horny
So you "burst" into satisfaction when she begins to shout
And these objects that are designed to please her
Are also used to mislead her
See sir, she wasn't sure about herself
She has something that these guys never felt
Instead of removing your belt she places your needs on the shelves
Her obligation isn't too give the pleasure YOU want
Because she's being judged for not having the body to flaunt
While a man with an erection doesn't use protection
a woman with many selections doesn't bother with affection
and I question?
How many of us falsely use love for own rotten fantasies
cause we're not all fans-to-see the innocent act horribly
is it love?
Young minds full of hormones
with R&B love tones, begin to harm-those
who are fixated or infatuated by sexual lessons
but later became intensions for a short pleasure
abusing our leisure for stealing her treasure
two teens in love looking beyond the scheme of love
"is this right?" was not a factor after screwing without a glove
"fucking" isn't the way to express your higher commitment to love
And then we assault the communities of the gays and lesbians
Against same sex marriage we need to look beyond
we're mostly homophobic and can not respond
but hatred comes to mind and begins to stomp
our own freedom and liberty, we need to bond
cause the differences will unite everyone
Ignorance surrounds love and sex in many ways
I can't reach every issue in this poem but there's plenty of ways...
we should first learn to talk before taking the clothes off
because when doing so, we're no longer running around the same spot
And the issue is a double standard that angers many people
because we all think about sex everyday but it's not all that simple
conversations among your parents and friends
We all pretend that we don't know but it's easy to comprehend
When we see again and again...
So I believe, love is dope it brings hope, while sex is a joke
That's how I scope my definition because I'm becoming an adult
Bees, Birds, and Everything Between
By:mindself
I explain my thoughts with a slight hesitation
for my thoughts don't represent my own generation
I believe we're corrupted by a materialistic theme
looking for our own self-esteem in a rubble of false dreams
And it seems like we're losing touch with reality
Abandoning our morality for sexuality
He's hot, he's handsome
She's sexy, she's gorgeous
The world is holding ransom
Our innocents,
While most of us adore lust
The luscious clothing is molding
Young hearts
Because their misunderstanding of 'intimacy' is controlling
While holding the private body parts
Tongue rings, tight jeans,
Belly buttons with gleams of what's between the legs of the
Obscene
Thongs and short skirts
Showing your midriff with small shirts
Are fans of any pervert
And it's accepted by many as a tool for our sexual aspect
But if you have any, would you trade it in for respect?
Because it's a natural reaction for someone attractive
Perverted thoughts are in the head because of today's fashion
or any reason we can use as a scapegoat
it's the movies, it's the music videos
it's when that grown man is throwing dollar bills to the stripper on the pole
it's artificial birth marks scattered on the 'Temple'
Needles of pain designed to explain
our depth of emotion for the living and the dead we still obtain
but some will use to entertain
for attention from the masses right above the asses
or any location that surpasses our view
We imagine that many have them
is it a sexual attraction or just a tattoo?
A 'VIVID' picture is on the television
Will tell many different erotic positions
We're mesmerized by the curves
Excited by her nerves to yell out loud
The story plot was corny but it still got you horny
So you "burst" into satisfaction when she begins to shout
And these objects that are designed to please her
Are also used to mislead her
See sir, she wasn't sure about herself
She has something that these guys never felt
Instead of removing your belt she places your needs on the shelves
Her obligation isn't too give the pleasure YOU want
Because she's being judged for not having the body to flaunt
While a man with an erection doesn't use protection
a woman with many selections doesn't bother with affection
and I question?
How many of us falsely use love for own rotten fantasies
cause we're not all fans-to-see the innocent act horribly
is it love?
Young minds full of hormones
with R&B love tones, begin to harm-those
who are fixated or infatuated by sexual lessons
but later became intensions for a short pleasure
abusing our leisure for stealing her treasure
two teens in love looking beyond the scheme of love
"is this right?" was not a factor after screwing without a glove
"fucking" isn't the way to express your higher commitment to love
And then we assault the communities of the gays and lesbians
Against same sex marriage we need to look beyond
we're mostly homophobic and can not respond
but hatred comes to mind and begins to stomp
our own freedom and liberty, we need to bond
cause the differences will unite everyone
Ignorance surrounds love and sex in many ways
I can't reach every issue in this poem but there's plenty of ways...
we should first learn to talk before taking the clothes off
because when doing so, we're no longer running around the same spot
And the issue is a double standard that angers many people
because we all think about sex everyday but it's not all that simple
conversations among your parents and friends
We all pretend that we don't know but it's easy to comprehend
When we see again and again...
So I believe, love is dope it brings hope, while sex is a joke
That's how I scope my definition because I'm becoming an adult
hey its EJ
alright little miss eileen got me here so ill contribute
latest poem
little old poem for myself
latest poem
little old poem for myself
GRANDMA... By EJ
This morning I woke up
And you were already up
You were in the kitchen about to cook
Me some bacon…
I told you grandma
I’m going to school
When I come home cook ok…
I said goodbye
Not knowing it was my last goodbye into the
Clear crystal blue brown eyes of you…
Your last words to me
“drive safely”
and that’s all I can remember
standing there was my last image…of you
getting ready to cook me my breakfast..
it keeps replaying in my head
why didn’t I sit down and eat with you
why didn’t I sit down and thank you
at work
I was getting all these calls and I cant check um..
I get a emergency
Blind to see the truth that was awaiting me
I denied the truth and believed in my own reality…
But in the 15 min drive
My whole life flashed before my eyes…
At 18 it would be my first closest lost..
But in myself I was already lost
18 years ago you were there
till this morning you were here
in my heart you were there
and in my heart you still are here
in my eyes you are a FILIPINA
Filipina pioneer
Paved the way for generations to come
Stood up for the generations to come
Loved and took care of me for my next generations to come
I remember as a little one
I never left you
I was always next to you
I never slept anywhere else except
Between you and grandpa…
Even when I moved away I came back and still slept with you…
You disciplined me when I was young…
You Flashed me when I was wrong…
It was the sickest thing I’ve ever seen
But your point always got across to me…
Even though I couldn’t understand…your point got across..
Cuz you are strong...
Grandma you are strong...
I thought I lost you before
But you came back and supported me even more
And this brings me to thanking you
But losing you left me empty with a blank history of
What you went through for me…
Like Jose Rizal once said
“Those who don’t recognize where they came from, will never get where they are going…”
I was tossed into the slaughter house
And muted of my native tongue
It was the one thing that would have connected our souls
It was the one element that would have created the
More being of me
It would have completed my history..
ALL I WANTED WITH YOU WAS A CONVERSATION…
I WAS ROBBED OF MY TONGUE AND I WAS ROBBED of MY TIME WITH YOU
Becuz I would always struggle just trying to say
I love you…
Grandma..
All those times at the kitchen table…silence…
I wasn’t hungry to eat my food
I was hungry to entertain you..
Grandma I wanted to know how you got to be you…
I just wanted your advice
But everytime it came out
It was foreign to my ears…and I would stand there and stare…
Wanting to understand
Grandma...
I want to understand you…
And this morning was my last chance…
And flash…
I’m running to the emergency room...silence again..
I open the door to a utopian white room
With you in the center
Grandma…
Grandma…grandma...
Grandma wake up
I want to say hi…
Grandma, I didn’t get to cook your rice...
Grandma please open your eyes…
And everytime I cried on your face I thought your eyelids opened
But reality collapsed on me
And again my heart broken..
Grandma…
Grandma
I’m sorry I didn’t eat breakfast with you…thank you...
I hold your hand...
Kiss your forehead
Close me eyes and say goodbye….
Goodbye to piece of my history
That lied in your life
Thank you for always being true…
Thank you…
I love you…
Grandma…
RIP
Sunday, March 18, 2007
These Days
Another song I wrote a while back and haven't shared publicly. Written in memory of Kuya BJ and others who have passed on into paradise.
=======================================
As these days pass me by
So grows the pain
While watching videos of you I cry
Or when I hear your name
Oh I can hardly sleep
Just can’t find my way
My body’s feeling weak
And life ain’t the same
Without you
Tell me why’d you have to go?
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
Been living so many memories
Sometimes laughing, sometimes hurting me
Endless crying, screaming out why
Why God chose to take away your life
Oh I can’t see the reason
There’s no sense at all
A lost faith in this confusion
In a state of no control
I miss you
Tell me why’d you have to go?
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
Still in shock losing you so soon
There’s a harmony missing in this tune
The heavens had called your phone
Couldn’t you leave the ringing alone
Let the voicemail answer cuz it wasn’t time
Can’t you see that these days don’t shine
Why can’t I just see you now
Just want to see you smile again somehow
Too impatient to wait for heaven’s gate
Please tell me this is all a mistake
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
=======================================
As these days pass me by
So grows the pain
While watching videos of you I cry
Or when I hear your name
Oh I can hardly sleep
Just can’t find my way
My body’s feeling weak
And life ain’t the same
Without you
Tell me why’d you have to go?
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
Been living so many memories
Sometimes laughing, sometimes hurting me
Endless crying, screaming out why
Why God chose to take away your life
Oh I can’t see the reason
There’s no sense at all
A lost faith in this confusion
In a state of no control
I miss you
Tell me why’d you have to go?
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
Still in shock losing you so soon
There’s a harmony missing in this tune
The heavens had called your phone
Couldn’t you leave the ringing alone
Let the voicemail answer cuz it wasn’t time
Can’t you see that these days don’t shine
Why can’t I just see you now
Just want to see you smile again somehow
Too impatient to wait for heaven’s gate
Please tell me this is all a mistake
‘Cause I’m sittin’ here wondering
When are you coming back to me
I feel a part of me dying
And I just don’t want things to be
It’s not supposed to be this way
You should’ve been alive and happy
Still feel your presence and your energy
But fate wanted you at peace these days
©xLe
Thursday, March 15, 2007
don't you just love when you think you are inspired to write something amazing and then nothing flows from your fingers? it's just a big blank screen staring back at you. and slowly, after a few minutes of staring, the blank canvas and slight electrical buzz seem to transform into a quiet snicker and then an uprorious laughter. and then you curl into that fetal position and just let the music drown out the laughter and envelope your mind and soul until you can't feel anymore. but then all of a sudden you feel a hatred for the musicians you are listening to because you realize how creative and wonderful the lyrics and production of the song you are listening to is. so then you go on a maniacal rampage and flip tables and tear shit up until your parents grab you and shove that syringe into your arm and inject you with horse tranquilizers until you drift quickly into a foggy haze of sleep and awake several hours later all groggy and wonderful feeling...until you go insane once again from horse tranq withdrawals. don't you just love that? ...or maybe it's just me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
for you, paul
you were that angel parting the clouds
to show me that the sun was still there
even though i couldn't feel its warmth
and see it's rays striking my hands as i gripped the steering wheel
as you told me where to drive during one of our random drives
telling me that there's rain once in a while
only to prelude to brighter days
the sun still exists.
you remind me that life is more than just breaths
that this world we live in
is more than just the tangible
the feeling at my fingertips
i've got to...
"be a better person
be yourself"
you were that angel stuck in the skies
even though you tried your hardest to come down from the heavens
and once in a while
remind me that there's more to the sky than blue
more to sadness than tears
and more to pain than sorrow
there's so much more
so much more to live for...
so now when i look to the skies
i don't wish for the blue skies to reemerge
for the grey to cease
and the rain to stop falling
i wait for all the pain to release
i wait for it all to reach me
remind me of simultaneous momentary bliss and pain
...so this is worth living for
your memory fuels my motivation
for better days
for the better in me to escape
and surface once and for all
one last breath
and i could've told you how much you meant to me
how much you changed my life
and how much i still needed you
even though you were so ready to leave me
so ready leave me behind because that's who you were
...who you ARE.
you're still so very much alive in my veins
my mind keeps you running
my heart keeps holding your hand
my thoughts always call you
and my eyes still watch you while you sleep next to me
and you're here.
still reminding me to live life to the fullest
life is far too short for all these bitter feelings
i miss you so much i want to let the world slip outta my palms
just so i can try and grasp my thoughts of you tighter
but if you were here
you'd tell me to let go of it all
not for me to hold onto you
but for me to hold onto me
for me to remember me
for me to be me
to be myself.
within the absence of you
and you will always be my angel
who parts the clouds occasionally
to show me the sun is still there
even though i can't see it
even though i can't feel it
even though i can't see you
talk to you
hear you
feel you
you're still here...
you're still there
peeking through the clouds
behind the rainbows
and sleeping on the sunsets
and swallowing my rains
and just like before
you'd live on top of the most comfortable clouds
still wearing your sleek shades
cuz the sun was illuminating right behind you
you'd live on
like there was no tomorrow
you are my sun.
rest in peace paul le
11.27.85 - 01.24.06
i will never forget you. i promise.
it's our song...i'll see you here.
blow a kiss to the skies...
to show me that the sun was still there
even though i couldn't feel its warmth
and see it's rays striking my hands as i gripped the steering wheel
as you told me where to drive during one of our random drives
telling me that there's rain once in a while
only to prelude to brighter days
the sun still exists.
you remind me that life is more than just breaths
that this world we live in
is more than just the tangible
the feeling at my fingertips
i've got to...
"be a better person
be yourself"
you were that angel stuck in the skies
even though you tried your hardest to come down from the heavens
and once in a while
remind me that there's more to the sky than blue
more to sadness than tears
and more to pain than sorrow
there's so much more
so much more to live for...
so now when i look to the skies
i don't wish for the blue skies to reemerge
for the grey to cease
and the rain to stop falling
i wait for all the pain to release
i wait for it all to reach me
remind me of simultaneous momentary bliss and pain
...so this is worth living for
your memory fuels my motivation
for better days
for the better in me to escape
and surface once and for all
one last breath
and i could've told you how much you meant to me
how much you changed my life
and how much i still needed you
even though you were so ready to leave me
so ready leave me behind because that's who you were
...who you ARE.
you're still so very much alive in my veins
my mind keeps you running
my heart keeps holding your hand
my thoughts always call you
and my eyes still watch you while you sleep next to me
and you're here.
still reminding me to live life to the fullest
life is far too short for all these bitter feelings
i miss you so much i want to let the world slip outta my palms
just so i can try and grasp my thoughts of you tighter
but if you were here
you'd tell me to let go of it all
not for me to hold onto you
but for me to hold onto me
for me to remember me
for me to be me
to be myself.
within the absence of you
and you will always be my angel
who parts the clouds occasionally
to show me the sun is still there
even though i can't see it
even though i can't feel it
even though i can't see you
talk to you
hear you
feel you
you're still here...
you're still there
peeking through the clouds
behind the rainbows
and sleeping on the sunsets
and swallowing my rains
and just like before
you'd live on top of the most comfortable clouds
still wearing your sleek shades
cuz the sun was illuminating right behind you
you'd live on
like there was no tomorrow
you are my sun.
rest in peace paul le
11.27.85 - 01.24.06
i will never forget you. i promise.
it's our song...i'll see you here.
blow a kiss to the skies...
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Blinking
i think...
blink. blink. blink.
man this is annoying.
this thing keeps blinking and my eye is twitching at the amount of white space visible.
all i see is a sea of black and a brightly lit rectangle positioned right before my hands.
illuminating the knuckles of these cursed hands that have forgotten how to write.
illuminating these fingers that have forgotten how to sketch, paint, and sculpt.
so i think...
i keep thinking of a way to to get rid of this blinking thing.
so at that moment,
i bring my self to my senses and think some more.
but im not just thinking, im creating.
creating a sculpture for others to view and admire its shape and complexity.
im creating a sketch to make you see where this piece is headed,
and im painting the creative picture in your head so that you may understand where im coming from.
all just to get rid of this blinking...
so i take a deep breath and strike the first letter among the character riddled keyboard.
and the only thing that happens,
is that this damn blinking thing just keeps moving along..
it covers a portion of this white space.
but it feels like the white space that was just vanquished,
just happens to end up in my head instead.
making this task of covering up the white more harder than i first thought.
but its finally time...
its time i rid myself of this white canvas of a computer screen
and type over this white space which consumes the essence of my creativity.
ill sculpt a process to reach the goal at hand.
ill sketch a thought of overcoming.
and ill paint a portrait which breeds optimism.
and the only black that it will contain will be the darkness of the midnight sky.
because it took me long to realize that these late night...early morning...4:30 am words
lead me to type at my full potential.
ill let this darkness illuminate and shine inspiration in my hands.
and i will divide darkness and prevent myself from becoming Mr. E-MO!
the time is now..
a revolution is at hand.
fuck writers block.
tonight, this morning...right now...i take my stand.
....but i still cant get rid of this damn blinking cursor...
so fukkin annoying.
EnD
blink. blink. blink.
man this is annoying.
this thing keeps blinking and my eye is twitching at the amount of white space visible.
all i see is a sea of black and a brightly lit rectangle positioned right before my hands.
illuminating the knuckles of these cursed hands that have forgotten how to write.
illuminating these fingers that have forgotten how to sketch, paint, and sculpt.
so i think...
i keep thinking of a way to to get rid of this blinking thing.
so at that moment,
i bring my self to my senses and think some more.
but im not just thinking, im creating.
creating a sculpture for others to view and admire its shape and complexity.
im creating a sketch to make you see where this piece is headed,
and im painting the creative picture in your head so that you may understand where im coming from.
all just to get rid of this blinking...
so i take a deep breath and strike the first letter among the character riddled keyboard.
and the only thing that happens,
is that this damn blinking thing just keeps moving along..
it covers a portion of this white space.
but it feels like the white space that was just vanquished,
just happens to end up in my head instead.
making this task of covering up the white more harder than i first thought.
but its finally time...
its time i rid myself of this white canvas of a computer screen
and type over this white space which consumes the essence of my creativity.
ill sculpt a process to reach the goal at hand.
ill sketch a thought of overcoming.
and ill paint a portrait which breeds optimism.
and the only black that it will contain will be the darkness of the midnight sky.
because it took me long to realize that these late night...early morning...4:30 am words
lead me to type at my full potential.
ill let this darkness illuminate and shine inspiration in my hands.
and i will divide darkness and prevent myself from becoming Mr. E-MO!
the time is now..
a revolution is at hand.
fuck writers block.
tonight, this morning...right now...i take my stand.
....but i still cant get rid of this damn blinking cursor...
so fukkin annoying.
EnD
Friday, March 9, 2007
...simply.
i would simply ask for love
to speak to me
in no tongues
within no twisted bounds
and in no complicated speech
i would simply ask for love
...simply.
if i had a choice
i'd see you in one solid color
because you already painted rainbows for me
but the complications
the beauty
is too much for me to handle
my eyes are weak
from the bright lights you shimmer
i'm blinded by you, love
to speak to me
in no tongues
within no twisted bounds
and in no complicated speech
i would simply ask for love
...simply.
if i had a choice
i'd see you in one solid color
because you already painted rainbows for me
but the complications
the beauty
is too much for me to handle
my eyes are weak
from the bright lights you shimmer
i'm blinded by you, love
Just Speak...xLe's 1st post!
My first post! Yay. =). This is a song I finally completed last year after having it sit in my notebook for nearly a year. LoL. No one else has read it, so here's it premiere. Weeeeeeeeee!
============================================
Just Speak
Your hurt washes in like a low tide
Subtle pain that’s too hard to hide
I feel your emotions clashing inside
Problems too deep to try and subside
Holding your voice back is unbearable
You feel like you’ve lost your freedom
You think you’ve got no say at all
That you’re just political entertainment
I’m here to say that you’re wrong
Your words will live even when you’re gone
You need to go on and inspire
Be the spark that ignites the fire
Chorus
Just speak
Let the words flow out naturally
Don’t hold back
Put your mind at ease
Just speak
You will be heard, someone’s listening
Don’t be afraid
Keep your soul rising
Just speak, oh, just speak
Spoken Word
Speak, child. Don’t hold back,
Like a cataclysmic boom,
Let the world make room for your opinion.
Who are they to tell you what you can envision?
Let your words flow with the grace of
a ballerina dancing on her tiptoes,
but voice out with the force of an animal stampede
heeding into the known.
Soar to the sky like a butterfly,
release all the tension you’ve been keeping inside.
You can’t be told who to be,
can’t be told what to dream.
Let go and be free.
Open your eyes to the light
and you will see.
Open your mind
and make decisions wisely.
Open your heart
and fill the void with an inner peace.
If you don’t say it,
no one will know about it.
So speak, release, speak.
So speak, release, speak.
Just speak.
CHORUS
The smallest change can make a difference
Tell me what have you to lose
If you need a little assistance
Just listen to that voice inside of you
You’re put on this earth for a purpose
Don’t you dare think you’re insignificant
You need to find your reason
Have faith, your voice will have justice
CHORUS
============================================
Just Speak
Your hurt washes in like a low tide
Subtle pain that’s too hard to hide
I feel your emotions clashing inside
Problems too deep to try and subside
Holding your voice back is unbearable
You feel like you’ve lost your freedom
You think you’ve got no say at all
That you’re just political entertainment
I’m here to say that you’re wrong
Your words will live even when you’re gone
You need to go on and inspire
Be the spark that ignites the fire
Chorus
Just speak
Let the words flow out naturally
Don’t hold back
Put your mind at ease
Just speak
You will be heard, someone’s listening
Don’t be afraid
Keep your soul rising
Just speak, oh, just speak
Spoken Word
Speak, child. Don’t hold back,
Like a cataclysmic boom,
Let the world make room for your opinion.
Who are they to tell you what you can envision?
Let your words flow with the grace of
a ballerina dancing on her tiptoes,
but voice out with the force of an animal stampede
heeding into the known.
Soar to the sky like a butterfly,
release all the tension you’ve been keeping inside.
You can’t be told who to be,
can’t be told what to dream.
Let go and be free.
Open your eyes to the light
and you will see.
Open your mind
and make decisions wisely.
Open your heart
and fill the void with an inner peace.
If you don’t say it,
no one will know about it.
So speak, release, speak.
So speak, release, speak.
Just speak.
CHORUS
The smallest change can make a difference
Tell me what have you to lose
If you need a little assistance
Just listen to that voice inside of you
You’re put on this earth for a purpose
Don’t you dare think you’re insignificant
You need to find your reason
Have faith, your voice will have justice
CHORUS
© xLe
Thursday, March 8, 2007
leave it to me
in a distant second
he left me
arms open wide
heart torn from one side
and eyes lifted to the sky
with one tear sliding down with each sigh
don't cry, she said.
mother, dry my eyes
she breathed wind to sweep my worries away
the upset tsunami washed away the burdens
before i could dwell on it
the dirt wasn't stuck on the soles of my shoes
because my world was not
on its hind legs
sleep easy, child
she tells me time and time again
when you awake
the world will have nursed its wounds
without your bandaid
healed without your pain to motivate it
and please...
leave the burden to me, child
this world will fall back on its feet
find its new foundations
among the dirt
i hope you don't try to take that unpaved road
fly high
and i'll dry your skies
and i'll be there
to make sure the clouds part for your journey
i promise.
he left me
arms open wide
heart torn from one side
and eyes lifted to the sky
with one tear sliding down with each sigh
don't cry, she said.
mother, dry my eyes
she breathed wind to sweep my worries away
the upset tsunami washed away the burdens
before i could dwell on it
the dirt wasn't stuck on the soles of my shoes
because my world was not
on its hind legs
sleep easy, child
she tells me time and time again
when you awake
the world will have nursed its wounds
without your bandaid
healed without your pain to motivate it
and please...
leave the burden to me, child
this world will fall back on its feet
find its new foundations
among the dirt
i hope you don't try to take that unpaved road
fly high
and i'll dry your skies
and i'll be there
to make sure the clouds part for your journey
i promise.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
breathing
none of this is all of it. everything drifts and everyone dies. chain link fences need mending and hearts need a good coating of that acrylic. chip the paint to reveal the love. secret handshakes and secret hugs, public transit and public plugs. the hole in your face is as large as my infinite feelings of self worth; it doesn't exist anymore. you know the math they teach won't add up to anything when the sums of your fears divide the difference between your heart and your soul. negatives are nothing but positives with a line hovering out in front. just chill. relax and spill your mind onto some god-forsaken, blank and vacant piece of paper. or pixelate your thought bubble and photoshop it into your scenic field of top friends and default pictures. the texture is magnanimous and the composition is, as far as i know, just a man who ate an apple and perverted all of our minds. then a flood came and wiped us out to cleanse the earth, but as far as i can tell the plan backfired and now we are punishing our mother, the poor planet. we better strive for mars quick before this world crumbles under our feet and kills us for being a bunch of little fucking pricks.
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