for you, paul

you were that angel parting the clouds
to show me that the sun was still there
even though i couldn't feel its warmth
and see it's rays striking my hands as i gripped the steering wheel
as you told me where to drive during one of our random drives
telling me that there's rain once in a while
only to prelude to brighter days
the sun still exists.

you remind me that life is more than just breaths
that this world we live in
is more than just the tangible
the feeling at my fingertips
i've got to...

"be a better person
be yourself"

you were that angel stuck in the skies
even though you tried your hardest to come down from the heavens
and once in a while
remind me that there's more to the sky than blue
more to sadness than tears
and more to pain than sorrow
there's so much more
so much more to live for...

so now when i look to the skies
i don't wish for the blue skies to reemerge
for the grey to cease
and the rain to stop falling
i wait for all the pain to release
i wait for it all to reach me
remind me of simultaneous momentary bliss and pain

...so this is worth living for
your memory fuels my motivation
for better days
for the better in me to escape
and surface once and for all

one last breath
and i could've told you how much you meant to me
how much you changed my life
and how much i still needed you
even though you were so ready to leave me
so ready leave me behind because that's who you were

...who you ARE.
you're still so very much alive in my veins
my mind keeps you running
my heart keeps holding your hand
my thoughts always call you
and my eyes still watch you while you sleep next to me

and you're here.
still reminding me to live life to the fullest
life is far too short for all these bitter feelings
i miss you so much i want to let the world slip outta my palms
just so i can try and grasp my thoughts of you tighter

but if you were here
you'd tell me to let go of it all
not for me to hold onto you
but for me to hold onto me
for me to remember me
for me to be me
to be myself.
within the absence of you

and you will always be my angel
who parts the clouds occasionally
to show me the sun is still there
even though i can't see it
even though i can't feel it
even though i can't see you
talk to you
hear you
feel you
you're still here...

you're still there
peeking through the clouds
behind the rainbows
and sleeping on the sunsets
and swallowing my rains
and just like before
you'd live on top of the most comfortable clouds
still wearing your sleek shades
cuz the sun was illuminating right behind you
you'd live on
like there was no tomorrow

you are my sun.





rest in peace paul le
11.27.85 - 01.24.06
i will never forget you. i promise.
it's our song...i'll see you here.
blow a kiss to the skies...