something kept close to my fingers for a really long time

i had wrapped the world in white paper
in hopes that it would ignite fire and catch wind
and some careless man with steel toe boots
tried to disprove mother nature
i regrettably put my faith in you
waited for whispers hibernating in your throat
slept on your lips for days
a kiss caught on the thorns surrounding your mouth
i don’t care how your face looked like when we hugged
or when i walked away
i thought that if i could bury you in the snow
i could save you for a better tomorrow
i wanted to be held
like Neruda clenching his soul
Miles and his trumpet to sustain me with starlight
i had crawled into bed and tried to dream up a poem
but there was nothing more i could write about
to catch me when I fall
i have burned the memories slumped onto mattresses
risen from homicidal outlines
to be content
without tornados in my chest
without fluttering inside this body
just a drum that keeps me going in this world
and a moist tea bag saturating my mouth
is all i ever wanted

anchored

anchored

in between tequila shots and your

stank breath

around cigarettes and traces of

old piss

in front of whispered secrets

gasped in

deep breath

i hold it all in

because i am two sizes skinnier when i do

if i hold it all in

because my body needs this more than bathroom tiles

if i hold it all in

my throat begins to feel heavy

and my lungs are anchored ready to collapse

if i hold it all in

i just may fall

hold my breath in tunnels

with thumbs on car ceilings

make wishes

that recoil down my throat

while holding it all in