comfort eats..

[a vent - after watching SiCKO for the 2nd time]

last night i comfort ate.

and not for a boy but for a country.

a country plagued by poison sent over media waves and material things we never wanted until we turned on a tv. a country driven by greed and individualism. a country that seems to squash dreams of a integrated society built on community and solidarity and other buzz words i only seem to hear in spoken word pieces. buzz words that i cant seem to put into practice even though i can talk a whole lot about revolution and the death of it.

free universal health care for everyone. for everyone. young, old, poor, rich, white, black, brown, queer, down. there is so much to do but i dont know how to do it. Lord you've given me passion and a burden..a heart for change but i dont know what to do with it. i dont know where to go and i dont know if educating the masses is enough. if making sure children are learning the right things is enough.

i call for mental genocide.

i call for a mass death of all things unclean. of all things unseen because of our friend hegemony. they even got filipin@s turning on everyone who isn't filipin@. they. they. i haven't felt this anger in a long time and the fire is consuming as if my heart was made of wood. but its not..it is made of makibaka huwag matakot. it is made of drive and hope .. the only hope thats left at the end of the day working for corporate america who pays its teachers $14 an hour even though we're teaching 12th graders how to read .. even though we're teaching A.D.D. students not on medication how to sit still ..even though we're dealing with psycho parents who push their kids to do better...their privileged white kids whose parents dont have to work 2 - 3 jobs but take them to golf instead.

maybe deep down inside im a commi. maybe deep down inside i want to revolutionize amerikkka by putting out music and tv and movies that encourage community.. magazine adds that accept people for the way they are .. reality tv shows about anorexia and the stupidity of body image .. maybe deep down inside the Christian in me is mad at Christianity for reinforcing these stereotypes ..for being a religion instead of a relationship.. for being for the rich instead of struggling to be like the poor .. for putting out positive images that only rich people can afford. maybe we need to band together and be angry and fight and protest and be French? MAYBE ..its a lost cause

and maybe .. i want to write but can't because i have to go to work to pay off my loans that wouldn't even exist if i lived in another country.

tormented by truth i see... my insides ache for the hurt.