a prayer

when i realized that i express myself better and more accurately sometimes when i write, i would sometimes write down my prayers, instead of just saying them. so i stumbled upon this one i wrote on 07.03.07. i don't even remember writing it and i'm not sure if it makes sense, but i just thought i'd share...

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i sleep to forget, almost
my god
what am i trying to forget?

dearest father in heaven,
when did this world become so complicated...
and emotions become so conflicting?
i don't mean to bring more questions in prayer
i humbly pray, father, for more clarity.
often, i don't understand the days that pass...
the incidents that spark the newest tingles in my spine

please, god, don't forget me.
please don't leave me in my confusion...
instead i wish to live a life
strengthened and brightened by the presence of you...
days that represent more than a life lost in stupor
wondering what the point of life's time is.

i understand more now, dear god
that this world will all pass away
slipping through the creaks
of my broken apologies and tears
laughter and obvious smiles i couldn't hide

for all these beautiful days --
i offer my still continuing life
my heart wholly
my soul still often dampened by sorrows
-- but still alive with hope
and my mind
still awake with the reminders
of your guiding words
still touched
by you...

my god
i know you're there
amidst the days that never seem to end
and in between my hiccups of laughter
father, i have so much faith
you are in everything
and this much, father
i DO know.
i am not confused
i am sure.

so i ask for your love
to always strengthen me in days i may forget
more faith when i am too human to remember
and always, if you still love me...
please, keep me in your thoughts
please remember me...

amen.