save these words.

I write
to speak of the only truth I know
Of these realities I’ve lived
with every ounce of dignity in me
i write for this truth and heartache calmed
for peace resurfaced
i write because i must
for this burning inside me needs a release
as it constantly aches in search for peace

so allow me a sound to penetrate the danger found in silence
to end the slavery of a quieted tongue
in essence this is what we were born to do
speak past assumptions
to understand understatements
to rise above robotic means
a habit to be broken
a will for better days
to be stronger and so much more alive
to awaken our generation
as we refuse to lose them to the dust

but instead we are the hope
We are the lights at the end of the tunnel
we are the break through of the century
a beauty untold so beautiful as it unfolds
we are no longer dreamers
we are unlocked dreams
a future on the brink and a change within grasp

so I tell you now, child
if you should ever stumble --
know i will guide your steps back to strength
and weariness shall never dare to touch you again
we are the hands that touch our time of struggles
as we claim our victories
clicking and ticking past the seconds
that take us moments closer to the final goal

i will change the world for you
pave the yellow brick road with my own tired arms
calloused fingers and bruised with determination
to my unborn children -
this is my promise to you - a future brighter.
so save these words so you can remember...
how i have always loved you child

i promise this world will be a better place for you
i pledge my life to protect you
that when you open your eyes for the first time
you will cry tears of amazement
to realize we have built these palaces for you
i have cried centuries before you knew tears
my tired eyes only weep so you don't have to
these strained fingers will hold your head up high

i promise i will save you

and so i tell you with all honesty and truth
there is no success worth reaching without pain first to overcome
your struggles mere opportunities to uncover your strength
and when you break through the walls they placed around you
shining light through the crack
that is how I will always remember you
my radiant light of hope shining through
this promise I’ve made - i will keep.
you are safe - i swear to it.

i promise i will save you

so when you bloom like a flower
from pages of ink to the stage
speak child...of all the beauty you were born from
of all the strength that battled all dangers
just so you could stand and raise your eyes to heaven
and know you were always safe
from the first moment you cried your eyes awake


and if this is all i have
save these words...and remember them
this is the only reason I write
i promised...i would save you.

city limits

sitting with a burning anticipation. ready to run for it. the thought had been lingering in her mind for some months now. some years. but more so in some days. the last visit to a city she will come to love so fondly, left her paralyzed and breathless in suspense of the life she could live. looking over the lights and imagining. reaching for the moon, and hoping to god when she falls she lands in the flesh of the city. walking through the streets, driving through the rapids of tourists and la locals. seeing the footprints of a life once had. treading dirt on the dreams she held on to for so long, along with the nightmares. brushing off the burning of the city. the burning of her infatuations. in life, in living, in love. turning each corner, hoping for a rainstorm. the fireworks, the sunset, the thunder; they had never left her thoughts. bringing her back to reality as the intestines of her bag spilled out onto the worn cement beneath her crooked feet. inbox full. brain full. stomach empty. life seemed empty, so close to her future, and so close to her past. the awkward life she lived, the suburban prison. she was ready to escape to new, more exciting opportunities, and to fond, bittersweet memories. this agnostic young girl knew more about herself than expected. her heaven and hell lingered far too close to one another. "purgatory city limits". and to this day, each bite into the flesh of an innocent, crawling down her throat to rest in her stomach to jab and pinch later on, will still be influenced by the nostalgia of san francisco. she smoked lucky strike brand, with some marlboro and camel on the side, until they took them from her local liquor stores and gas stations. and now she settled for her side brands. but her lucky strikes never left her dreams. because killing the night with wine, walt disney, and peach flavored tobacco was somethin' else. because the beauty of the atmosphere was so apparent. because with him, "love was rainfall". and those words would haunt the corners of her mind for years. like a feared beast, waiting under her bed under piles of old notes and stuffed animals. lurking in her closet in old photo albums and tattered, stamped packages. waiting until everyone is asleep, creeping out of the wee hours of the morning to line her clouds with silver. the beast crawled from the pixels of her computer screen. reaching and groping at her throat and chest; more so her mind. thoughts set, ocular fixation, intoxication. and as the smell of oranges filled her room, the addiction swelled.. fuck i need a cigarette.

I just wanted to say that

I want to tell you how I wish I wasn't so shy that I could tell you that I love you.
I want to let you know that every day and every night someone's always been thinking of you.
That before I realized I loved you, I already have been loving you, just that I wasn't aware of myself loving you the way I love you, that I just fooled my mind that I didn't love you when in reality my actions screamed out that I love you.
That when I see your eyes and your eyes see mine, that split moment in time it feels so divine ,that one thought in my mind is that, I would commitcrimes just so I could call you mine.
Crime in the name of love, loving in the name of love, because two doesn'tequal two it equals one, and one is that one whole that this half of me wants to become.
I want to tell you every time I see you step into a room my heart skips a beat,
Cause this half of a heart of mine for a few moments have just been complete
I want to tell you that every time you leave me I'll be dying on the inside.
For every moment in time that your not here, I just don't feel alive.
I want to tell you that when you fall asleep next to me I can't help but be so glad, that you've trusted me enough to let down your guard down so you can relax.
I want to tell you that I catch myself staring at you, capturing every detail as much as I can. Because I know when you leave I'll only have mental images of you, and that's all I can have until the next time I see you.
Which is never soon enough and damn it's so tough.
Because even if wecould teleport faster than a blink of an eye, I'd still be missing you for those nanoseconds of time.
I want to tell you that when I see you work hard it makes me want to work harder
That I would beg for love to make me it's martyr
That I would suffer for you that you would never be sad
Sad because of the bad times you've had in the past.
If only I had the eraser of the past- I'd erase your past,
and let you only remember all the good times you've ever had.
I want to tell you that even though I haven't even known you that long, I can't get you out of my mind and sometimes I have to rewind and think tomyself where did the time go
Why did I not see my love for you before…every time you said hello
I just wanted to tell you that it took me this whole poem to tell you… I love you.

foreplay.

you act to tug at heart strings
making yr audience embrace
every emotion effortlessly exuded
from yr being.
and they catch it.
like a sickness it envelopes them.
makes them weak
breaks them down
and yr thanked for it.

after the curtain call
when the curtain falls
you sigh tired
ready for change.

i swear
this role isn't meant to be familiar
but you play it so well
and well, my sincerest apologies.

I just woke up, and it's not fair

Tonight in my dream,
I was helping you create a resume
I was sharing with you all your positive traits
And things that would make you irresistible to others
You were all the things I said
You were every good adjective in my head
You are creativity in motion
You are innocence without the guilt
You bring calm to sea of commotion
In a suburban of pollution, you're a breath of fresh air...


I just woke up, and this is not fair...


These dreams are not for me to have
Becase I know you're not for me
You reappeared for a brief moment in my life
Now you're gone
But you're still around
Every night I clinch my pillow
And I pray for happy dreams
And I get them
But the ones I get are for another person to dream
This is not fair
Usually I pray for strength to get me through the day
To help me reach my bed and lay in peace..

But now my bed is no longer a place of ease
For I pray that I get through the night
Hoping to not dream of you
Because even though these dreams I have are sweet
They are not for me
I pray that I can go a night
dreaming of dragons, black and white scenes, and fairy tales
The things I dreamt of that usually didn't make any sense
Even though you make perfect sense
I can't have you in my dreams
I pray that maybe for just one night you didn't exist
But its not fair
Because I just woke up, and in my dreams, you were there
I know that this will subside
But I'm sure that if you reappear
It will all come back again

I hope that when I fall back to sleep
I will dream of something that doesn't make sense
Rather than you
Something thats made sense for a long time

her bangs.

freewriteeee

she had one too many streaks of worry
wrapped in the strands of her hair
she pulled it back in a tight ponytail
tied it away in avoidance
hoping they wouldn't notice her weaknesses
if they were flowing freely above her shoulders
tightened with discouraged shrugs
of all she tried to ignore...
she had her bangs long -- like a shield
draped them over her face
so they could cover her eyes
from all the visions that pained her

her mother pushed her hair out of her face
and told her, "you are so beautiful
don't hide your face behind your hair..."
she stroked her cheek and pushed her bangs aside

the bright lights hit her eyes too quickly
she couldn't help but squint
the world was too ugly to take in
everytime she opened her eyes wide
she saw little girls being kidnapped
and raped and abused
men beating their wives
people in poverty and homelessness
soldiers dying for no cause
governments justifying genocide
and she couldn't help but wish she could
just change the world
steal their pain away
heal their illnesses
because she couldn't stand to see it

as her mother again forced her to witness
the world and all its cruelties
with one stroke of her hand to her hair
like opening a veil to a stage of all her fears
she began to cry
her cheeks wet with hopelessness
knowing she couldn't cry for them
and release their anxieties through her tears
knowing she couldn't heal their pain
and make it all feel better
knowing she couldn't promise happiness
she couldn't do anything
she wanted to change the world...

but her mother, seeing her tears,
reminded her
"daughter...this world is cruel
unjust it may seem
but for all sadness there is hope for a smile
a need to twist your mouth first before it brightens
do not look down to the ground
of those sitting in the midst of pain
of those crying their days away
eyes lowered to miss the rest of what is truly there
but raise your eyes to the sky
and remember
...we do not look down to be pained
to witness all that troubles us
all that we cannot change
all that we may not be able to understand
but we look up
to heaven
with faith
and believe..."

she looked up
to realize the sun could dry her tears away
...as she brushed her bangs aside.

Filipino Dream.

I Pledge Allegiance
to truth
to the United States of
the Philippines
And to the Republic
that sends its own people to debt and other nations to death
One Nation
Under Jesus Christ
Indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for All.

For all,
With liberty + Justice For All.

I'm not pledging to a falsified flag
but to a state of identity that is bonafide, sad
The AMERICAN DREAM isn't in plain text
like those black and white Mark Ecko crewnecks
It Isn't about
staying silent in the face of oppression
+ guessing when you should alrady know your ancestors' lessons
The 'American Dream'?,
poses irrelevant schemes
on the hunt to kill an honest person's dreams

we've grown MUCH too accustomed to
European history + Majority history that
my own personal + Filipino history
has appeared to my eyes faceless like an unfinished mannequin,
clouded in mystery
So brainwashed in history that i've forgotten about her story
so now it's my turn to shed tears for my motherland
tears drop to the oceans distancing me from my people lacking an upper hand

I SEE
my Lola slipping $20 bills into my pocket,
myself fronting like I know my own native tongue but
I don't got it

I SMELL + TASTE
my mother cooking synagong slowly on a sunday morning from scraps and,
delicious lumpia patiently wrapped and,
i can taste the refreshingly cold halo-halo my Lola taught my Nanai how to make during excessively hot summers,
when room temperature tap water and nonexistent ice cubes were a real bummer

I FEEL
my father's frustrations
working 7 days a week, the utmost patience
putting out maximum effort for barely the minimum wage
i feel his rage, like a gorilla locked inside of a small cage

I HEAR
my Filipino Anthem
" Alab ng puso,
Sa dibdib mo'y buhay"
brilliantly harmonic voices and narratives spoken
from the veteranos that go through their post-traumatic stress on the daily

it's the Essence
of my ancestors blessings
whispering lessons
in dialects unknown, leaving me in question
whether it was meant to be because without the mystery,
i wouldn't be questing
cycle never ending, i need to find out for me
what it means to deserve this filipino identity
from this ground i stand on to the future stages that i'll stand on
i'll stand strong with my heritage for future generations to hand on.

Gone Fishing Game

Here's one of several games created for a children's night event. My sis and a I made this one. Used blue paint for the background, loads of markers, construction paper, cardboard, white out for the bubbles and such. Can't forget the lights which gave the games the carnival touch. The night was a blast and i tried to keep track of how many smiles i saw but i lost count at around 50 or so.