i woke up this morning to this IM...

---- (4:13:26 AM): :(
---- (4:13:33 AM): can u post a poem for me on blarneys
---- (4:13:40 AM): i dont wanna post it bc it will show my username
---- (4:14:03 AM): here it is...its my 1st poem i've written in like a year.

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i can't explain our story
subjective pronouns doubled up in sentences
she
stands for two different people
she
falls and catches her

because you needed me
like identification
set geographically on the west
with the sun settled down, the moon falling onto my lap
you were there, with focused eyes
all sorts of emptiness and space
i held you close as we defined our existence
on this parallel plane making up our own coordinates

you kept the sweat off my lips
kept me from running
whispered into my mouth electricity
like a dozen fireflies into a cave
fluttering and flustered, feeling funny
in this space only we knew
darkness and light we share, mouth to mouth
no one will ever understand
the subtle touch that swells systemically
like an adverse effect you'd weigh the benefits over
tiptoeing around the condition like an addiction
hiding into eachother
and fitting perfectly

one night i started freestyling to street signs and corner stores
remember you riding shotgun,
i took your hand and held it
down sunset, A thru Z
it's hard to stay under the speed limit
at 3am when lights are green and exciting
and no one is stopping us
engines hydroplaning in april, wheels spinning
they are impulsive and springing forward
like trampolines and confused bullets into brains

we'd never see summer
on the same side of the earth
she left me standing on the coldest part
with the wind changing directions every second
the compass is on crack
and i feel broken
still pinned down by her stilettos
fucked on the backburner
anger is a temporary solution to my madness

you wear denial so well sometimes
believing your dreams of colorful birds diffusing through bodies
were meaningless distortions of objects
sometimes we'll graze shoulders, hug like friends and stare like lovers
but trying to kiss you is like kissing water
you ripple away
restlessly, ricocheting apologies and excuses off bare surfaces
like a combative scream
as if you never took anything from me at all

but i've taken this
pinned you down on paper
fucked you into the back of my mind
and will wear denial until it becomes reality

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---- signed off at 4:19:21 AM.