freewrite or restrictedwrite?

why do i struggle to write?
trying to stretch the visionary dreamscapes into revelation
its self inflicted pen pressure
the scorching desklamp heat drying my inkwell into desert
the red-eyed chill of an all night misadventure
gazing through blurred frame with misaligned aperture
maybe its the no slip grip that keeps my strokes slurred
or the fine tip ball point i find elegance with
puncturing each rip in the lip of the page
the blank page
where is it?
in the afterthought of an inks drip?
the tip of starshine through my temporary dark age
i feel the weight bubbling beneath the poet's rage
wielding linethroughs and erasures like an english wielding sage
the pursuit and wander of my words are illegible
my smeared consciousness is negligible
why do i struggle to write?
maybe because i scribe in tension
while the catch was already dancing in the margins of my phrase