home.

i chose a place to call home and i can't imagine it anymore. there used to be kindness there...a comfort and a warmth irreplacable. easily. an undying happiness that pinched my cheeks into a constant smile. and now i see pride lined against the wall paper. stained carpets with ego and grudges. i tried to hide it with the furniture, but it was always showing. no matter what i covered it with. and even when i couldn't see it, my eyes viewed a tainted vision of a house instead...

...then i knew i wasn't home. maybe never home. not as happy as i had thought and not as at ease as i had previously felt. and so easily -- he stole from me what i felt was the only thing i could claim...now only mine to build. a trick door when i tried to open. a misplaced board caught on my foot and i went sprawling. tired of avoiding the cracks in my own floor, i watched carefully from one corner. ruining my own creation with a flood of tears. no insurance that this would ever be the end of destruction, but only that i would be left with less than i had come with.

but i know i'm willing to lose it all at a chance to gain it first. a risk to open my arms wide -- a risk to know that possibly there will be no one to fill them, but a chance that they will forever hold an embrace.

i can tear down my walls for a chance to live with no barriers.
i can rebuild --
and find home again.