Here and Now

I wish i could be by you side,
but fate has given me another hole to dive,
into and its not see-through,
i see no end to this nightmare that i'm in, how long has it been,
since i've calculated and eventually reinstated,
the definition of the people in my inner circle,
as i see it dwindle to a few individuals,
i feel insignificant has those few grow distant,
the warmth from my heart goes, as i become cold,
i have 10 layers on and i'm shivering feeding,
off of what little of me i have left,
i may already be dead except for,
these flashbacks of memories that seem,
to be too happy to be memories of mine,
so i'm inclined to deny,
my minds feeding me snippets of propaganda, images of grandeur,
things that are too good to be true,
yet again making me look like a fool,
taking advantage of my definition of cool,
in my own mind im used as a tool,
for my own destruction the destruction of my soul,
souless is what i am, and who i am im not a fan,
i've fallen too many times for false friendships,
now i'm sinking in my own ship,
as i lay down ready to be laid to rest,
by the raging sea as it crashes above me
the memories again overload my mind,
what exactly is my mind trying to remind,
i see me kicking it at the movies,
with friends but even then i did pretend,
cuz i never once felt my company was wanted,
and i don't think it will, time sits still,
i hope as you read this you see through, my minds eye,
and don't worry i'm still alive,
its just a short introduction to the inner workings,
of someone thoughts and the loneliness it brought.