Come back...

Here's a little something I've written. It might not be much but its a start on my road to recovery hehe. Written to Say You Will (instrumental)-Kayne West

I live in a fantasy free to take the scene,
clean and purified through methods unseen,
blind but able to feel through the toes,
from the earth I was born so to her I go,
To experience the spices of life,
because I can't go feeling like I lived twice,
that other life that is far gone from me,
we don't share the same lifeline that set us free,
Free...the concept that eluded my grasp,
when one attains another is enslaved,
I'd rather be jailed and harshly derailed,
if it means helping another soul set sail,
To find the strength to stand to raise one's hand,
a victory captured in a grain of sand,
as it takes one out of millions to speak,
to change the world and be the best at our peak.

When you reach the mountain peak don't be afraid to,
speak you've earned it through your own right of will,
a testament to the power of the minds skill,
knowledge unattained from red or blue pills,
Unreal...is the language of the overdose,
the rush of chemicals to make you feel comatose,
and bed bound unable to feel or hear sound,
a young wasted mind ready to be grave bound,
So pray for a savior that she may kind,
to relax you like the sight of blue skies entwined,
a revelation let go of all that was confined,
a sign no more smoke in your lungs you'll breathe fine,
Inhale all thoughts and keep it deep in your heart,
for safe keeping as this world is demeaning,
so say what you will but may your words have weight,
hit em like a ton of bricks to make em contemplate,
Because the powers that be don't see you and me,
all they see is another clone in a vast majority,
so lets prove them wrong with our mighty souls song,
a fearless melody that will last forever long...

Missing the Old You

This if for the ladies 0__0 haha

This is actually a song I wrote around the beginning of this year. I had just finished this instrumental and I was listening to it. I kinda got this vibe off of the melody of the song about missing a girl but more in the way of missing the old her because maybe shes changed into a different person that you just can't recognize whatever the reasons may be. And thats where I got the title of "Missing the Old You" from. This song has many messages, so I'll leave you to use your imagination to find them...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever shall I do,
I don't know you anymore,
Missing the old you,
What happened to that girl before?

There have been many long days and sleepless nights,
where she was always in my dreams always in my sights,
but now as I'm bout to let my emotions go,
she changed right before my eyes in a puff of smoke,
I dunno what prompted this sudden change,
cuz she was perfect as she was... no need to rearrange,
the clothes that she wears or the way she does her hair,
or the slang she be saying though i know she be playing,
If only she knew what she does to me,
how each action she does affects me sub consciously,
and even if we've grown up in the same time and place,
I never can get used to her face,
She beautiful in her own right and she has the rights,
to my heart for too long we've been apart,
I miss her the second i don't see her,
But it seems to be shes better off without me,
So this is how the story goes...so far,
This isn't the end, til the end I will defend,
Because she is someone that I hold dear,
Now ill say it all with nothing to fear...loud and clear

Whatever shall I do,
Wheres that girl that I adore,
I see the old you,
Can I talk to that girl before?

Its been a million years since I've seen your tears,
so look up and smile because it's worthwhile,
to me...there are too many things unseen,
to have you crying because your a queen,
Now I know your feeling a little overwhelmed,
but please listen to me I have something to tell,
its about you and me and our intertwined,
destiny...I know it sounds epic so don't forget it
Now I know this characature is not your character,
I know whats causing your life's discontent,
you feel the need to change for you life's betterment,
but you were never in any shape or form the type to conform,
Is the reason for your change...is it me?
am I not cool enough not up to snuff,
with what all these kids are doing these days,
making their life a purple haze,
Where your living your life at the speed of light,
only to walk home by yourself at night,
cold to everyone who "were" you friends before,
now you ignore and give them the cold shoulder,
Now your calling me, we used to be "best" friends,
but haven't talked to you since you started to blend,
in...what happened to my friend before,
who thought kicking it was all she needed evermore,
I'm telling you now that you can still change,
and in this chapter in you life I filled this page,
I hope this reaches you like a love letter will do,
I mean... like a life changing scene on the big screen.

Whatever shall I do,
Your all I've wanted and more,
I see the new you,
Your better than you were before.

Hey girl how you been how you doing,
the hugs you give are great each one renewing,
is it just me or do you feel something brewing,
that look in your eyes got me staring wondering,
Do you ever see me more that just a friend?
or am I just "that" friend that you can always depend,
on... its seems I've been singing the same song,
cuz its been you all along,
I've always been on the outside looking in,
waiting for my within to reach you...my soul twin,
but the echoes of my soul just weren't enough,
and my mind has fallen for its own bluff,
As I look into the mirror of memories,
and look as far as these 4 eyes can see,
my eyes behold and ocean full of emotion,
but I'm too afraid to jump ship to take a dip,
I feel as everything I've done I've done in vain,
and that nothing in this world can heal this pain,
Only time will tell if I heal well,
I feel locked in a cell unable to yell,
And scream out "just let everything be",
And maybe the best way to do that is be me,
I just hope you take the me inside,
And give me the hugs that make me feel alive.

Here and Now (contd)

Not exactly a continuation but i felt it was around the same grounds.
________________________________________________


I may not be the best conversationist,
I was born this way, to only say words that are uncommon to say,
to spit lyrics that show you an image,
of your innermost reaches, what we beseech is,
to feel things never felt before,
to have frustration in your mind because you want more,
yet you dont know you dont know what its like to grow,
by leaps and bounds because on this earth you were bound,
in shackles to keep you from flying away,
your a caged bird trapped in your own mind with nothing to say,
"Silence is the most powerful scream",
if you believe that your life must seem serene,
on the outside, yet on the in you suffer,
to many things unsaid has created a buffer,
in your mind your body and your soul,
you've lost the glow, and now have nothing to show,
we were made to cultivate the mind, to plant the body, and to grow the soul,
to grow stronger each new day as it unfolds,
to confiscate how we feel to date,
because these feelings are ours we carry our scars,
as we become bruised and battered our emotional cloth tattered,
in desperation we make an obligation,
to be, by the side of friends goin through hard times,
because its best not to be alone on this journey to the unknown.

Here and Now

I wish i could be by you side,
but fate has given me another hole to dive,
into and its not see-through,
i see no end to this nightmare that i'm in, how long has it been,
since i've calculated and eventually reinstated,
the definition of the people in my inner circle,
as i see it dwindle to a few individuals,
i feel insignificant has those few grow distant,
the warmth from my heart goes, as i become cold,
i have 10 layers on and i'm shivering feeding,
off of what little of me i have left,
i may already be dead except for,
these flashbacks of memories that seem,
to be too happy to be memories of mine,
so i'm inclined to deny,
my minds feeding me snippets of propaganda, images of grandeur,
things that are too good to be true,
yet again making me look like a fool,
taking advantage of my definition of cool,
in my own mind im used as a tool,
for my own destruction the destruction of my soul,
souless is what i am, and who i am im not a fan,
i've fallen too many times for false friendships,
now i'm sinking in my own ship,
as i lay down ready to be laid to rest,
by the raging sea as it crashes above me
the memories again overload my mind,
what exactly is my mind trying to remind,
i see me kicking it at the movies,
with friends but even then i did pretend,
cuz i never once felt my company was wanted,
and i don't think it will, time sits still,
i hope as you read this you see through, my minds eye,
and don't worry i'm still alive,
its just a short introduction to the inner workings,
of someone thoughts and the loneliness it brought.

Counting sheep while making beats

i feel a certain unrest when trying to rest myself,
staying up too late isnt good for my health,
trying to unwind these binds that hold me down,
a certain sorrow of no sleep trying to count sheep,
my exterior feels the coldness of the room,
sleeping pills i wanna consume before i see the full moon,
before i turn into something im not then be forgotten,
as i close my eyes i hear my heartbeat skip a beat,
my dreams i want to meet and greet so i can speak,
of what i want THEM to do for me,
to take me away from this reality full of vanity.

as i proceed to dream of being sucessful with green,
i am whisked away to a dream of another day,
where im not rich and not everything goes without a hitch
even though its not the perfect existence,
a future without a blueprint where you can leave your fingerprint,
is the perfect excuse to live with persistence,
then a voice in my head has some words of wisdom to shed,
dont forget or regret what made you choose your lifes template,
you are the architect of your building so build it with feeling,
you are the CEO of that company so start making money,
you are who you are so dont feel that you are bizarre.

you have the support of all your loyal cohorts,
ready and waiting but never tainting,
making a painting thats never fading,
helping you out to make you shout,
out loud thats its who you are that makes you proud,
and its with them you share the kick and the snare,
which makes a beat that makes everyone stand on their feet,
which make everyone applause and put you life on pause,
was all of this my cause?
but dont smear the faces of the ones that helped bring you here
you take each others plight with all your might,
because you all share the same life under one light.

now my minds at ease because my wants have been pleased,
i can now let go and make my own flow,
i go into a deep sleep and find inner peace...

sometimes you just gotta let go...

I know my everyday is riddled with dismay,
Knowing full well the horrors on display,
In my own mind I'm subject to negative thinking,
I need to face my fears without blinking.

Dreams that fade as i stay awake,
Insomnia is what keeps me up late,
Stars i wish i could reach out and take,
To start a new life with a clean slate.

But its undeniable I love life right now,
Regardless of the when where and how,
No matter the numerous hardships and strife,
Unhindered by all because this is my life.

Truth be told I'll be on my hands and knees,
Succumbed to the burdens that won't set me free,
Struggling to atone for this world's madness,
Tainted by the many scenes of unhappiness.

Why are so many hard-pressed to be depressed?
Having sins in their hearts not yet confessed,
Afraid that if revealed their reputation ruined,
Being sucked up by the black hole within.

But honesty is well worth its weight in gold,
When the burdens on your shoulders are reduced ten-fold,
Knowing everything on you chest has been released,
Being yourself works wonders and it'll never cease.

I don't wanna live my life living on regrets,
I wanna accompany my life to its best yet,
To see truths told in the darkness of my soul,
To be able to let go...