relief

i write to avoid
i write to distract
i write to get away
the days pains strain on my brain and otherwise keep me from being able to maintain my
stream of consciousness. my ability to think.
the migraine worstens the longer i'm away
i put pen to paper and it just fades
i write on a time release like a capsule
just pop one and watch it go.
it doesn't stop, it feels like it flows through my veins
good lord there goes the pain
i'm leaving the night and entering a new day
to put pen to paper makes the pain go away.

pen and paper are my ibuprofen, tylenol, and bayer.

first post.

i was just really excited to finally write something i really felt after so long. unedited, unsure, and definitely unorganized...for surely gonna work on this some more. in fact, i don't even know if i want all of these parts to form just one piece...i might take it apart...but, eh!



it's no longer in my stride to be a queen,
never saw the reflection of a princess
but, i look at my sistahs and we all deserve more than this;
hierarchy or peasants,
we all high maintenance.
yet, pure diamonds and dolla bills can't even touch this.
we, the human race, emotional be our basis,
sexy forms our taste,
know that love is still love if you throw it away.
we the human race...
lonely be thy name.
then...hollow shortly follows.

so, darling, from the start, place me in your heart
as your equal,
though my eyes aren't exactly at your level,
i promise as two people,
if you're down,
we'll breath just as hard, just as strong as one another;
screams and sweats,
your place, my place, in the movement of the night,
and the warmth of the sun,
--i will match you.
we will be at a constant battle
on loving more than the other;
never content, always smiling eventually.
embrace it open.
please,
take it sensually,
save it in memories,
we'll keep loving as an equinox within all four seasons.
i could joke about being the shit
but, it's a fact that i'm just an exceptional woman.
so...get.at.this.
memorize these lips against the span of your own,
your constant smiles as my home.
our worries as significant as our doubt,
humidity ain't a thing sweetheart,
perspiration can't be enough to frighten you away.
chase entirety,
happy sigh in adoration of our collision.
and,
redirect traffic to look at me.
i'm willing to crash.

water

[jon, you invited me here a long time ago and its time i finally did something abt it.]

a freewrite on water.

why does it seem that these creative flashes
stem from a rusted, leaky faucet
drip drop
another line falls down the drain
drip drop
another line lost in a day
a cloudy sky filled with monotony

when the condensation of the concentration of the juice from the mind is finally too much to bear...
the lines just fall from the sky,
from the clouds on up above,
the concentration of creativity and love
rain on a sunny day.

when it rains, it pours.

hurricane jane

freewrite to "hurricane jane" - the black kids

jane, i coulda sworn
yr windows were leaking
...almost...
battle scarred, war torn
feel like, unsure
pick my pocket and
tell me you want more

but please,
do it in tongues
(cause i don't wanna know)
do it in tons
(cause i can't get enough)
do it because

a sip of gin makes the tongue sliver when
the false clutches the truth close, quivering
splash some tonic, i'm on it
let's get drunk and be somebody

jane, i seent it
believe it
i feel it
i felt it and it felled me
so keep it
like a kelepto
collect it
edit and
correct it

it's friday night
what's the use
of attention or validation
when we're parched
and in need of restoration

let's get drunk and be somebody

"and i'm telling myself
it's gonna be worth it"

Walk Away

wrote long time ago

i walk away resisting the crack of my neck,
never looking back to the path
where i hung my heart on the tree we grew together,
i keep my head up, reminding myself
how high the life i lived with you was so close to the sun,
always bright and warming to the soul
but never losing its potential,
and my head still hurts from clashing
our metaphoric mental memories agaisnt eachother
not knowing the impact would paint a story so valuable to creativity,
so i leave subliminal messages in the canvases
i leave for you to admire, reminding me to smile again
about how our life began,
but i sit here "half crazy"s" resonating through my 'ear drum',
but 'hot thing' i would tread 'across the universe'
for this moment to last a lifetime in paint tubes
to be found years later for other lovers
to create what real passion is.
and to believe something like this ever existed
is as vivid as the nights moon reflection on your vibrant caramel complection.
dark skin tone tattoed as your right to reign queen
and conquer all with your peace.
but im sorry my queen, dont look down for me
i will be far long beyond your sight
hoping your eyes be blessed with love more meant for your intent.
let my footsteps imprint thoughts
to be only left as remnants of what we had,
because i have to walk away knowing
i cut you deeply leaving it all behind
in the gold coloring book left in the crates of records
that inspired our hearts to weave together.
so im sorry and goodbye and for now i walk away not looking back at what could of been...

Here and Now (contd)

Not exactly a continuation but i felt it was around the same grounds.
________________________________________________


I may not be the best conversationist,
I was born this way, to only say words that are uncommon to say,
to spit lyrics that show you an image,
of your innermost reaches, what we beseech is,
to feel things never felt before,
to have frustration in your mind because you want more,
yet you dont know you dont know what its like to grow,
by leaps and bounds because on this earth you were bound,
in shackles to keep you from flying away,
your a caged bird trapped in your own mind with nothing to say,
"Silence is the most powerful scream",
if you believe that your life must seem serene,
on the outside, yet on the in you suffer,
to many things unsaid has created a buffer,
in your mind your body and your soul,
you've lost the glow, and now have nothing to show,
we were made to cultivate the mind, to plant the body, and to grow the soul,
to grow stronger each new day as it unfolds,
to confiscate how we feel to date,
because these feelings are ours we carry our scars,
as we become bruised and battered our emotional cloth tattered,
in desperation we make an obligation,
to be, by the side of friends goin through hard times,
because its best not to be alone on this journey to the unknown.

summer.

[freewrite]

i didn't know the year would reach our encounter
this way
but he reminds me of summer...

even though he was entirely unexpected
unpredictable at best
and unlike anything else i've experience before
or asked for myself
or believed i've ever deserved
he was as simple as sunlight
unmistakable and nothing else could replace
as clear and distinct like the new day

and what would become of our emotions
was like the break of dawn
the newness brought me back
to the past i've always wanted for myself
nostalgic of fairytales that i never could say happened
but after all
he was my ever after
and happily i greeted each new dawn
with arms wide open
ready for any change of season
just as long as it was he
that broke the dawn into my future

it's hard for me to explain exactly what i mean
what i'm feeling about him
after all those years of waiting
i'm happy, after all --
he's my happily ever after

and so after all the rain
the storms and the cold nights
so it makes so much sense now...
i see why after all this time
...only he reminds me of summer