strive

a goodbye gift for my friend ljay ricardo :)

project completed with help from andrew ibarra

been a while, huh. ohhh scribbling...

on the way home from school.

the crosswalk times shorter across the highway.
i know these buses won't take me directly to you, but this city is small and i'm worthy even if i'm still paying off my dues.
i'm travelling linear, packing light. got those dirty soles beneath each step,
and all i can think is someday, without you,
this soul will have to walk the ends towards other destinations.
right now, i don't even mind our sometimes repetition,
this girl's got low tolerance for shit like that.
but, i don't look back and i know this trail i go runs down, sunken deep, and,
shit, i'm comin' home.
tired arms around me,
nothing sweet in our insults, fuck,
i can't get a nice word across when all i wanna give you is all the fuckin' romantic things that'll make you wanna hold me, kiss me, throw me in bed, and make you want to wake up next to my side of the world, wherever i am, whenever i am, for however long i am, till love do we start day in and night out.
you're insulting and i'm repulsive, but we smile, big, wide,
something sugary tingling through our tongues, anyway.
and, i must love you, 'cause you have some of my biggest pet peeves.
these footprints, asking me when the hot sun shines on them,
cries for me when the rain fills them up and threatens to wash away evidence of this blooming dedication,
and, if it snowed in san francisco, i'm sure i'd hear the question in every little flake filling up my tiny footprints that lead to you,
will i ever want someone else as much as i do you?
the 22, J, L, and N lines, the fuckin' 28, 16th & mssion, balboa, civic center, taxi! taxi!!
my moving, happy feet.
so many options to find you.

Come back...

Here's a little something I've written. It might not be much but its a start on my road to recovery hehe. Written to Say You Will (instrumental)-Kayne West

I live in a fantasy free to take the scene,
clean and purified through methods unseen,
blind but able to feel through the toes,
from the earth I was born so to her I go,
To experience the spices of life,
because I can't go feeling like I lived twice,
that other life that is far gone from me,
we don't share the same lifeline that set us free,
Free...the concept that eluded my grasp,
when one attains another is enslaved,
I'd rather be jailed and harshly derailed,
if it means helping another soul set sail,
To find the strength to stand to raise one's hand,
a victory captured in a grain of sand,
as it takes one out of millions to speak,
to change the world and be the best at our peak.

When you reach the mountain peak don't be afraid to,
speak you've earned it through your own right of will,
a testament to the power of the minds skill,
knowledge unattained from red or blue pills,
Unreal...is the language of the overdose,
the rush of chemicals to make you feel comatose,
and bed bound unable to feel or hear sound,
a young wasted mind ready to be grave bound,
So pray for a savior that she may kind,
to relax you like the sight of blue skies entwined,
a revelation let go of all that was confined,
a sign no more smoke in your lungs you'll breathe fine,
Inhale all thoughts and keep it deep in your heart,
for safe keeping as this world is demeaning,
so say what you will but may your words have weight,
hit em like a ton of bricks to make em contemplate,
Because the powers that be don't see you and me,
all they see is another clone in a vast majority,
so lets prove them wrong with our mighty souls song,
a fearless melody that will last forever long...

never finished

...this was supposed to help me out. maybe it kinda did because i dont know how to continue writing on it since ive passed my anger/frustration. i figure it isnt worth it being that angry and to finish writing it means re-living it and i dont want to be angry. especially not at you even though i have every right to be. its unfinished like most of what i write and i've intentionally mis-spelled two words but whatever here we go

i hope this doesnt fall on deaf ears
i'm realizing now that i have to be heard
to tell a story that's slightly absurd
now i'm trying to make sense
and straighten out my words
cuz for now they're just sort of stumbling out
when they should be on fire aimeed straight for her heart.
and i know theres a few who can relate to what im talking about.
so breathe in...
calm cool and steady...
WAIT FUCK THAT
this weapon is cocked back
and my words are aimeed and ready.
ready to explode
to spread my thoughts
that i've been trying to hold.
how could you...HOW COULD YOU!!!...
say those things that kept me strung along
every lyric had me believing every word of you song
when i was wrong
it was just a melody i wanted to hear
like keeping the song in my head
was a false pretense to keeping you near
because a girl like you was something i wanted to revere
you werent scared of lions tigers and bears
yet loving me was something scary
and so i was your silent secret that hid in closets and closed mouths
because you were too damn scared of speaking out
but little did they know you held my hand and called me baby
we hid under bed sheets and drove each other crazy
because behind closed doors you were mine
and for you that seemed fine
but my love doesnt cower and it doesnt place blame
so what we had is now burning up in flames
and i promised myself after this poem i recite
that i can forget you and what you were to me
as i blow these ashes out the mic.