like this.

it's been four years since i last told you "happy birthday"
four years since i've seen your smile
even though i can still remember how it was kinda crooked
four years since i told you i didn't want to be your girlfriend
but stood by your side anyway
and though it's been four years
i still haven't found a good enough way to say it
so forget reality
i'm just gonna say it like this...

i think you're an idiot.
for leaving me the way you did
all stranded and helpless
standing next to your grave without even a goodbye
i want to tell you that you're a jerk
for never giving me a heads up
never telling me ahead of time that you decided to leave us so soon
you're a liar talking about the future
i think you already knew you weren't going to stick around for much longer
i want to scream at you for leaving
and i want to hug you to make up for these past four years that i've missed you
i cry at the thought of you
and you invade my thoughts at the worst times
like now
so i'ma just tell you straight
like this

you may have been the biggest mistake of my life
that i'll learn to never regret
and deep down i know that i'll never forget the scars you left
because no matter how deep they got
no matter how timeless they'll be
they're among my most beautiful memories
and i'm forever changed
nevertheless grateful
and utterly speechless
in four years
i've still struggled for the right words to say it
and so it's unfortunate, i can only say it like this

...i just miss you.
i'm so close to wishing you were still around
but i accept the fact that you passed
and belong in my past
you asked me once about destiny
and if you were mine
all those hints and clues you left
i'm still struggling with the fact that you never told me straight
and so you just left me
like this.