relief

i write to avoid
i write to distract
i write to get away
the days pains strain on my brain and otherwise keep me from being able to maintain my
stream of consciousness. my ability to think.
the migraine worstens the longer i'm away
i put pen to paper and it just fades
i write on a time release like a capsule
just pop one and watch it go.
it doesn't stop, it feels like it flows through my veins
good lord there goes the pain
i'm leaving the night and entering a new day
to put pen to paper makes the pain go away.

pen and paper are my ibuprofen, tylenol, and bayer.

first post.

i was just really excited to finally write something i really felt after so long. unedited, unsure, and definitely unorganized...for surely gonna work on this some more. in fact, i don't even know if i want all of these parts to form just one piece...i might take it apart...but, eh!



it's no longer in my stride to be a queen,
never saw the reflection of a princess
but, i look at my sistahs and we all deserve more than this;
hierarchy or peasants,
we all high maintenance.
yet, pure diamonds and dolla bills can't even touch this.
we, the human race, emotional be our basis,
sexy forms our taste,
know that love is still love if you throw it away.
we the human race...
lonely be thy name.
then...hollow shortly follows.

so, darling, from the start, place me in your heart
as your equal,
though my eyes aren't exactly at your level,
i promise as two people,
if you're down,
we'll breath just as hard, just as strong as one another;
screams and sweats,
your place, my place, in the movement of the night,
and the warmth of the sun,
--i will match you.
we will be at a constant battle
on loving more than the other;
never content, always smiling eventually.
embrace it open.
please,
take it sensually,
save it in memories,
we'll keep loving as an equinox within all four seasons.
i could joke about being the shit
but, it's a fact that i'm just an exceptional woman.
so...get.at.this.
memorize these lips against the span of your own,
your constant smiles as my home.
our worries as significant as our doubt,
humidity ain't a thing sweetheart,
perspiration can't be enough to frighten you away.
chase entirety,
happy sigh in adoration of our collision.
and,
redirect traffic to look at me.
i'm willing to crash.

water

[jon, you invited me here a long time ago and its time i finally did something abt it.]

a freewrite on water.

why does it seem that these creative flashes
stem from a rusted, leaky faucet
drip drop
another line falls down the drain
drip drop
another line lost in a day
a cloudy sky filled with monotony

when the condensation of the concentration of the juice from the mind is finally too much to bear...
the lines just fall from the sky,
from the clouds on up above,
the concentration of creativity and love
rain on a sunny day.

when it rains, it pours.

hurricane jane

freewrite to "hurricane jane" - the black kids

jane, i coulda sworn
yr windows were leaking
...almost...
battle scarred, war torn
feel like, unsure
pick my pocket and
tell me you want more

but please,
do it in tongues
(cause i don't wanna know)
do it in tons
(cause i can't get enough)
do it because

a sip of gin makes the tongue sliver when
the false clutches the truth close, quivering
splash some tonic, i'm on it
let's get drunk and be somebody

jane, i seent it
believe it
i feel it
i felt it and it felled me
so keep it
like a kelepto
collect it
edit and
correct it

it's friday night
what's the use
of attention or validation
when we're parched
and in need of restoration

let's get drunk and be somebody

"and i'm telling myself
it's gonna be worth it"

Walk Away

wrote long time ago

i walk away resisting the crack of my neck,
never looking back to the path
where i hung my heart on the tree we grew together,
i keep my head up, reminding myself
how high the life i lived with you was so close to the sun,
always bright and warming to the soul
but never losing its potential,
and my head still hurts from clashing
our metaphoric mental memories agaisnt eachother
not knowing the impact would paint a story so valuable to creativity,
so i leave subliminal messages in the canvases
i leave for you to admire, reminding me to smile again
about how our life began,
but i sit here "half crazy"s" resonating through my 'ear drum',
but 'hot thing' i would tread 'across the universe'
for this moment to last a lifetime in paint tubes
to be found years later for other lovers
to create what real passion is.
and to believe something like this ever existed
is as vivid as the nights moon reflection on your vibrant caramel complection.
dark skin tone tattoed as your right to reign queen
and conquer all with your peace.
but im sorry my queen, dont look down for me
i will be far long beyond your sight
hoping your eyes be blessed with love more meant for your intent.
let my footsteps imprint thoughts
to be only left as remnants of what we had,
because i have to walk away knowing
i cut you deeply leaving it all behind
in the gold coloring book left in the crates of records
that inspired our hearts to weave together.
so im sorry and goodbye and for now i walk away not looking back at what could of been...

Here and Now (contd)

Not exactly a continuation but i felt it was around the same grounds.
________________________________________________


I may not be the best conversationist,
I was born this way, to only say words that are uncommon to say,
to spit lyrics that show you an image,
of your innermost reaches, what we beseech is,
to feel things never felt before,
to have frustration in your mind because you want more,
yet you dont know you dont know what its like to grow,
by leaps and bounds because on this earth you were bound,
in shackles to keep you from flying away,
your a caged bird trapped in your own mind with nothing to say,
"Silence is the most powerful scream",
if you believe that your life must seem serene,
on the outside, yet on the in you suffer,
to many things unsaid has created a buffer,
in your mind your body and your soul,
you've lost the glow, and now have nothing to show,
we were made to cultivate the mind, to plant the body, and to grow the soul,
to grow stronger each new day as it unfolds,
to confiscate how we feel to date,
because these feelings are ours we carry our scars,
as we become bruised and battered our emotional cloth tattered,
in desperation we make an obligation,
to be, by the side of friends goin through hard times,
because its best not to be alone on this journey to the unknown.

summer.

[freewrite]

i didn't know the year would reach our encounter
this way
but he reminds me of summer...

even though he was entirely unexpected
unpredictable at best
and unlike anything else i've experience before
or asked for myself
or believed i've ever deserved
he was as simple as sunlight
unmistakable and nothing else could replace
as clear and distinct like the new day

and what would become of our emotions
was like the break of dawn
the newness brought me back
to the past i've always wanted for myself
nostalgic of fairytales that i never could say happened
but after all
he was my ever after
and happily i greeted each new dawn
with arms wide open
ready for any change of season
just as long as it was he
that broke the dawn into my future

it's hard for me to explain exactly what i mean
what i'm feeling about him
after all those years of waiting
i'm happy, after all --
he's my happily ever after

and so after all the rain
the storms and the cold nights
so it makes so much sense now...
i see why after all this time
...only he reminds me of summer

a new currency

my currency

is not green

its currently a current

my right to redefine in its urgency

the manifestation of materialism i abhor in me

the difference will be in how i define my productivity

seek and grow the area of my heart

with the most surface visibility

without servicing the american benefactor in me

its a displaced familiarity

a binary bifurcation of holistic identity

there’s power elusive to the homegrown refugee

deflowering the innocent hour poisoned for its profitability

sure as hell, i don't want that to be my legacy

the slave master, the slave

the ignorant pastor, the depraved

the cynical bastard

away from all of the above i try to run faster

I’m tired of being unprepared just waiting for my next self initiated disaster

but detractors are behind and beside me

counter with brighter loveshine that exists inside of and despite me

prayerfully its confidante of serendipity

the idealistic daydreams bubbling inside my complacency

see its always been a part of me

when freedom's child learns how to speak

no

when she opens her mouth in unison with the symphony to teach

then make music more captivating than the powerfuls’ unloving mystique

cuz im in the minority

i believe that the lion will maintain his supernatural authority

yet one day fulfill his priority of holding hands with the poor and the weak

the marginalized and the meek

and the struggle like a vicious cycle will always its find a way to reside in me

i want it to be

cuz i want every exhale from this weary chest

to be a humble plea

for interdependence and collectivity

for the furtherance of a kingdom that’s infinitely larger than me

the right to righteousness is rightfully outside of me

and i long to realize the vision of an unconditionally inclusive we

you see my currency

is not green

my medium of exchange remains

unseen but most importantly

free

like me

...

my confusion sounded like excuses
a girl trying to fight her way out
but my only defense
is hardly as intense
they think i'm just some girl
sly -- like the devil himself
cutting the backdoor for herself
with the knife she used to
stab them all in the back

but really
i just cannot pretend
i know the answers anymore.

i've been waiting for a good cry
to bring clarity to it all.
but i'm just so empty of tears
i have nothing more to offer
than a smile
to deceive them all
and i know
my confusion just sounds like...

snip snip snippet

i have heard the constant push of change
first the subtle kisses of the wind
then affectionate rumbles of tomorrow's storms
i can hear
the cries of agony from dethroned kings and kingdoms usurped by foolish love
the roaring of peace as powers topple over into humble new beginnings
the dancing of systems transformed by the rhythm of the powerless and their simple values

i can hear it
profound and clear
gathering and fast approaching
organically organizing
as i rest my head
next to an angel

i close my eyes
forget time and space and theory and worry
and quietly i listen
to a steadfast current
as steady as the inevitably of change
and as strong as the hands that craft that change

would you believe me if i told you
that i hear the revolution brewing inside of you
bubbling into music all too familiar
it whispers me home
calling me to my Maker
etching my name in star shine

i feel it
in your bones
the restlessness
the incessant beating in your chest
the yearning in your loins
the fever on your skin
i know it
because everyday
i hear it and i feel it
because it resides inside of me too

you and i
we are infinitely linked
into this web we call hope
woven by the Author of another way
an alternative to the approach we have inherited
and
it is
possible
to make possibility
a viable reality
a succulent suggestion of heaven
a stolen scene from a kingdom beyond us

because someone once said
imaginary doesn't mean its non existent
imaginary doesn't mean its non existent
imaginary doesn't mean its non existent
i believe it
i believe in imagination
because unknowingly
you teach me so much about it
everyday

i see us joining hands held
marching to the margins
bringing truth to relevance
waking to work
loving to fruition
in very small
but always
celebrated steps
imperfectly glorifying the Father
as the mustard seed movement quietly thrives

let us run unrelenting in step with the children of the sun
as our brows stain with the heat of this beautiful struggle
and i tell you its time for us to shine
knowing you are a child of the sunset
and i'm hoping that whenever you fall sunset
the Lord will rise me in your stead
to maintain playing on even fields
of greener grass
and lands that remain in the hands of those who tirelessly choose to cultivate it daily...