kuya, you see...

[i wrote this for my big brother a while back
just wanted to share]

from so many miles away
the thought finds me
remembering the moments you told me to shut up
and hating you because you did
knowing damn well you were right
and hating you even more
because i would do exactly that
reminding me of the times you frustrated me
pissed me off
brought me to tears
and then began to wipe them away
and it was all understood

you see,
good or bad days
your place was by my side
and if i ever wanted to believe you weren’t there
you show me another way to use my eyes
so that I’d realize my sight had deceived me
because you never left

from the few inches away from your shout
the voice of the memory finds me
when you told me i was growing up
right before your eyes
and beginning to define myself into a young lady
the countless times you sat me down
to make me
make sense of all the nonsense i had made my life into
as you carefully untangled each strand of my immaturity
with reason and love
i stand here now
less confused than the days before

from the step away from your mistakes
the consequences find me
that each time i screwed up
the disappointment in your eyes broke my heart
and yours
but with your broken heart
you tried to mend mine to be stronger

you see,
each time i tried to blame you
for working me too hard and expecting too much
you would give me another path to tread
to show me i was just taking the wrong steps

and you would exalt me as beautiful
strong
smart
and talented
never did a day pass by
when you would ever doubt me
i can’t remember a time when you weren’t proud
or when you didn’t support me

you see,
you would make me cry
and then wipe the tears away
and it was all understood
because you showed me
there is no shame in crying
you showed me it was ok to cry
and then you’d let me know
it was ok to let it go
and wipe the tears away
because the moment had passed
and no longer can leave tears welling up
in the eyes that can now see clearly than before

and now, I see.