drifting

capricious emotion indicted by snapping synapses misfiring. electric current with the additives subtracting the serendipitous birth of love. raindrops from the clouded ozone torn by a drifting catalyst appropriating the morning gold. valuable sundrops evaporating like two hydrogens clinging to a lone oxygen. a small girl bottles up her love and loathing and spills it onto a canvas with colored sustanance. salty oceans drip into a massive pool and collectively scream a lovesong to the festering morals in the archangel's pupils. instantaneous reparations for the collapse of rome come in the form of a gentle fingertip to the lips. hush now and listen to the world drown now, down now, deeper now, forevermore and nevermore. it's a poetic verse without any syllables dancing on her tongue and in my tympanic membrane. the ocean rumbles against my nerve endings and shouts to my brain to renege...

serene

sunrise with an orchestra of cricket legs and rooster calls in the distance. siamese cat conversations clawing at my pen. morning glow over the golden acre; illuminated birch. hardwood eclipsed by delicate shadows cast through translucent leaves. foggy, soft-focus dreamstate. foreground: oak silhouettes in a forest of powerlines; background: pink-orange enveloping blue-gray. pleiades fades into morning light.

freefall

yo!!! i just went skydiving for the first time today -- it was soooo crazydope!!! hella reminded me of this piece i wrote a while back...enjoy!

i am flying where the sky is boundless
its origin and my path both unknown
i fly among the clouds that carry me through this beautiful abyss
where the night sky resides
yet the sun lit my way to it first
and the stars create the melodies that i wish to dance with
that i want to have pounding on my eardrums
settled onto the clouds that leave my mind in a trance
of amazement and wonder
these sights leave me speechless
and even if I had just wandered in circles
the sights would never bore me
and suddenly in my carelessness
lost among my own glazed eyes
i trip off of the clouds i’m floating on
and begin my descent from the highest heavens
i find no fear in the fall
it is in the freedom to fall that i find my joy

captured and safe among the waves of the ocean
where the waters of this inspiration have caught me
freely floating in all directions
- they are the gifts i have been given -
and with no specific destination
in it – i find my solace
of aimless wandering in an ocean
filled with endless chances i can take
knowing that I may do what I feel
and my thoughts embrace each chance
to speak to you
or just admire you
in adoration i may stare
or in fear i can turn away
the words i find in this ocean of inspiration
have freed my thoughts…
they release my anxieties and shape my fears
encompassing my joy in a world
where my expression can now be more than possible
more than seen
and more than felt…

i surf these waves of inspiration freely
with no fear of falling
the choice to fall is what i long for
intrigued by the depths that i don’t fear
they are the source of my expression
yet my voice
longing to be heard
is weak and soft
in this ocean of inspiration i can no longer wander alone
words must accompany me
and music must lift me
that for the moment i do fall in the waters
my choice to drown is a beauty in itself
lost in the wonderland
that i can read of my journey
and speak of my next steps
with each line written
and each syllable voiced
the waves get stronger
and the melody is sung louder
attention all bassline surfers
poetry has now been set in motion…

i'm sorry

Illusions of sunshine seeping through the clouds on that thunderous day
The gloom of my doom brought upon you the canyon growing in your heart
Fulfillment of temptation enticed not by a Midsummer Night’s Dream intoxication
But of the lack of my satisfaction
Not just in hopes of you or of our well-being, but in – it all
I found something surreal from a being so real to me
Giddy and drunk off the sweet taste of something we call love
Young and tender, easy to deceive, wasn’t my role but yours
Smarter than you thought, less caring than you liked to believe
I received your passion with hunger and constant need
Mistaken for love by both parties was the real sin
Obsession and infatuation overcame – it all
I wanted to breathe, I wanted to leave
And so I did.
Timing imperfect as the story always seems to go
Too late for I’m sorry it had to happen this way
But that’s just the way the grass grows
Everyday the pain cut away and happiness in abundance
Flows.

kuya, you see...

[i wrote this for my big brother a while back
just wanted to share]

from so many miles away
the thought finds me
remembering the moments you told me to shut up
and hating you because you did
knowing damn well you were right
and hating you even more
because i would do exactly that
reminding me of the times you frustrated me
pissed me off
brought me to tears
and then began to wipe them away
and it was all understood

you see,
good or bad days
your place was by my side
and if i ever wanted to believe you weren’t there
you show me another way to use my eyes
so that I’d realize my sight had deceived me
because you never left

from the few inches away from your shout
the voice of the memory finds me
when you told me i was growing up
right before your eyes
and beginning to define myself into a young lady
the countless times you sat me down
to make me
make sense of all the nonsense i had made my life into
as you carefully untangled each strand of my immaturity
with reason and love
i stand here now
less confused than the days before

from the step away from your mistakes
the consequences find me
that each time i screwed up
the disappointment in your eyes broke my heart
and yours
but with your broken heart
you tried to mend mine to be stronger

you see,
each time i tried to blame you
for working me too hard and expecting too much
you would give me another path to tread
to show me i was just taking the wrong steps

and you would exalt me as beautiful
strong
smart
and talented
never did a day pass by
when you would ever doubt me
i can’t remember a time when you weren’t proud
or when you didn’t support me

you see,
you would make me cry
and then wipe the tears away
and it was all understood
because you showed me
there is no shame in crying
you showed me it was ok to cry
and then you’d let me know
it was ok to let it go
and wipe the tears away
because the moment had passed
and no longer can leave tears welling up
in the eyes that can now see clearly than before

and now, I see.

these are just random sketches i did last night before i slept took a couple minutes my mind is going crazy...like this is all i see in my head just like drew barrymore did in 50 first dates...oh well...

Shoe Box Memories

poem i wrote at the end of 06'
it is for all those i lost within that year..or this is to some of them.not all here ya goo..
i need to write more happy poems..i hate these sad ones hhahah
inspired alot through great homie name eileen

Shoe box memories glide through the echoes of my mind
the year has past insignificantly way too fast
so i sip on this franchise cup of the Bucks
watching my little nephews run around a playground of dreams
wishing their baby cousin Jonah could grow up to be part of that dream
Thats one...
im not counting pissed of periods of my life
im not counting simple smiles similiar to those portraits next to empty lives
im counting those empty lives laying helpless with closed eyes
was this supposed to be
god took back his family without me given the change to say goodbye
but i agree, there is a time for everyones life.

Induced with a life threatning disease is already hard enough to understand
but we hold on
see our hearts were intertwined at our hands
your saying your goodbye im saying my thanks
Thats two...
to my uncle ron
you lived this fairytale truth for my cousins and I each cold december night
you were my big white wrinkled war vet
who dressed up in a red and white peach fuzz jumpsuit
and role played oh dear St. Nicholas
but in reality
you were a saint sent for us
this past christmas was hard enough not sitting on your lap
waiting to get that predicatable ten dollar envelope all of us get
our tears melted through our skin and we created memories in our hearts
reminding us that you lived out fairytale to the highest extent
and for that i give you all my respect

and its hard enough respecting how others went away
girl you had a family why waste that and live for your little girl another day
thats three
three makes one family
why'd you leave that way
you know your loved ones werent ready for that
whose your little girl gonna look up to
who is she going to fall back on when they ask her about her mom
see i wish you show her to smile like you do
your big ass smile
it was so unexpected
never regretted, wont forget it, pathetic, tragic, twisted, unpleasant, chaotic
so disrespected way to go
you didnt have to do this to yourself
now you left your little girl FAITH
with no faith to follow your footsteps
foolishly finding fearful female queens besides her mother
i wish you could see us now
you meant that much to us anna

but i agree there is a time for everyones life
accidents do happen
nothing was made perfect even if it was made for our enjoyment
living our friendship through circled stores after your passing
made me wish i was closer to you even more
your four...
see i can only remember those closed catholic school dances
where you would serenade a girl with your
popping hips, big eyes, wavy corn rows, and thrusting motions towards their faces
you did it
you did it to my girl dru
freshman year you already had an aura that would never leave you
i never go a day without thinking what you though of before that crash
if you woke up to take one more breath of life to smile and think of us
but now i live through memories left behind
mortal kombat lip syncing random ass videos
the gym team wishes you were back
i saw that too
daymn dru i wish i knew you more
only stories connect us now
we would have been so good together
reminding me of what i used to do, wear whatever i wanted
cut my hair into random haircuts your flat top my mullet
i would of gone anywhere with you
if you showed up to my door ill go with you back to the bay
if you showed up ill go with you to LA
2 am in the morning knowing we had class the next day
and i wish you would come to my door right now
i would go with you to your utopian dreamland
grab my hand take me to your heaven and show me those ciara dances i envied
but i envy you
your free...your free...

but i know all of you are not far
because i once was told
" Perhaps they are not the stars
but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones
shines down to les us know they are with us"
and ill remember to not shed a tear for your absence
just to hold on to those next to me right now
for i may not see them when i wake tomorrow

so this is for all of you here
clasp your hands together
pray for those you've lost as they are standing behind you right now
close your eyes
as they watch over you
they are with you
so smile
dont grieve
you have just set them free...

did you say usher or russia?

this is a little something i scrawled down in ethics while kids were giving short presentations on environmental problems of the world...enjoy:

hunger pangs rumble deep as an awkward boy speaks of russia...intense curls like singed furls envelope my peripherals in the refraction of sunlight through a tinted window. my eraser is too small and worn for these fuckups flowing from my fingertips...britain smiles with his toothy grin whilst the applause rings out as an echoe in the corner of the north east. bricks and leaves through melted sand; a slight breeze. cfc, ddt, pcp, ps3, add. synonymous acronyms for mass mind expansion or deprivation, one in the same. 'oh mighty global warming! spare our innocent little gluttenous and destructive lives' as the fool sneaks through the screaming doorway. cries from hinges and fixed stares dreaming of lustful binges. introspect the ethic of immoral activity while driving your ridiculous gas guzzling suv. percentages don't do the climate any justice. no brainwaves change from the mind altering psychedelia called truth. ignorance is blistered on the morals of the youth. we strut like peacocks to attract a fuck and kill our true spirit with this vision quest we deem as life...

on love.

and she...

she could be the greatest achievement of my life. the exception to human frailities and shortcomings. looking to the sky not to see the sun, but to be greater than its radiance. it was her challenge. she became the blanketed earthquake that so many memories have forgotten. slipping through the fragmented creaks in the floor, and my fingertips could only stroke the last bit of her as she walked slowly away. i could exist off each exhale escaping her lips.

damn i could only imagine.

and if you could gaze upon her, being blind would be easier. so that the aftershock of realizing such radiance can truly exist upon this marred earth would be less harsh. this is what we have been missing out on our whole lives. she paled rainbows for me.

Cosmo Composition

wrote this the past 3 hours. Hope you enjoy, yes it's about my girlfriend. shucks. I apologize for grammatic errors. Thanks.

Cosmo Composition
by mindself

Her & I make intergalactic music.

Yes we do.

But people can't listen
even at a distant
the music still plays with consistent
"First follow your ambitions
before we become musicians"
I told her with ease
about the proposition
Can never play the guitar, piano or drums
but my love's the instrument
thus where the music comes from
we both consume each tune
never questioning how long will it last
cause we've always found the wonderful melodies in a gloom
with each key and each cord
harmonize with notes, which I eternally adore
I found myself in the music
in the love.
and found that there's more to explore.
even beyond the spaces of above
she sings with galaxies
making each constellation her notes
and every style she sings
can never be detected even with telescopes
I boogie to her stunning voice
Because As she sings, it brings out the joys
Amplifying vocals will enhance you
even the quite moments you can dance too
as the universe plays unique sounds
We make hits, like showering meteors
when they strike the ground.
boom boom
are the beats from the heart
boom boom
is the everlasting spark we both embarked
our hearts the producer
you can say the beat produce-her.
never going to use her or abuse her
afraid to loose her
instead I'm uplifted cause I choose her.
Her laughter makes the Big-bang theory jealous
The impact alone can bring all the fellas
but it's just-us.
space invaders can never intrude
can never change the mood.
as I look at the moon
I only think of her and her scent of perfume.
When we're far apart she's still with me
When we're close at heart she kisses me.
And when we sing the chorus till sunrise to sunset
We reminisce the time our love met
Houston we have a solution.
She's my hip-hop-rock-&-roll
punk-funk-pop-R&B
country-acoustic-playing
Extraterrestrial.

for my brother

i know you're watching from heaven and guiding us through life safely. i know those rainbows that appear from nowhere are you reminding me to be strong and love everyone. i know you love us and you know we miss you. it's been so long since i've seen your face, and yes i still remember it. such an innocent child, you felt like a younger brother moreso than an older one. i know that someday i will see you again, but until then, i'll live better, breathe stronger, and sigh harder for the both of us. the least i can do to repay the blessings that you set upon this family. rest in peace, ryan matthew. and happy twenty first birthday, brother. i know you're celebrating it with the angels...♥

us-0religion-1

that kat,
his book is pretty inspiring.
no doubt...
it definitely touches the soul.
its obviously touched many.

you spoke a line of his the other day.
i sat back,
i listened.
you typed a line he spit in your journal
i read,
i thought.
flyest poet to ever hit the block i guess.
sickest mc that you probably ever jocked

its a trip homeboy gets hella girls,
but at the same time its not really suprising.
the type to fight over.
the type to debate over.
somethin about him rechecks your mindstate.

my cuzzin the other day wanted to meet him
my old friend wishes to greet him
my homie on the block turned over his own existance once he knew about "his".

but now you.
you got your sights set on him
youre towards his direction
while others wish to set their iron sights on him
but they couldn't do it
they just can't

but now you.
should i feel ashamed of feeling jealous.
or should i feel like a sinner.
whats done is done and what's past didn't last.
but if it did.
would you have really looked my way?

expression of how i feel at the moment....its a group of feelings...that i feel so this wont make sense at all..but it does to me..have fun


i made the scars before i left them on their hearts
it was just a mere memory of what they will always remember me by...
as if heavens hammer knocked on my door today
and welcomed me back to reality
ive been living in my own world for so long
i forgot what it tastes like
or do i even know what it tastes like to love?
i was probably given the chance many times but
selfishly i crumpled that paper and threw it behind me
missing the real trash...so i never real did move on from it..

you cant forgive me for what ive done
its been done and i sly helplessly into solitude
deciding that is where i needed to be
my wants should have never mattered
because it just ended up all into a disrespectful action
i cant beg you to give me another time with you
i believe this was supposed to happen
its life...simple but hardships are part of it
sitting in this haven of holiness i can only but think of
denegration of self respect

why do i do things that make me who i dont want to be
it was all just a vision
never solid enough for my ego to grasp
i confront this trouble with the upmost strength
believing someday i will pull through
i fell today and it didnt hurt
my source of pride will solely ly in his open arms
but i know trusting and finally to let go is all i have to do...
it was never about me or finding me or changing me
im already who i am

ive hurt people to realize they can become stronger
or at this moment right now
do i see why i was sent to change others life
was i just a pawn to this entire game
i cant make-believe my beliefs
i have to believe in myself first to fix what is needed
no matter the pain i endure
ill have strength to move on until it is time for me to return home

And signs are so evident after the scene is completed
i have always asked for a foreshadow
but now shadoes force me towards them
because thats where i must confide
leave me alone is all i ask
leave me alone with him
and ill return knowing my life is supposed to be like this
i dont blame anyone but myself
and the first step i must forgive I
and never forget

i tell you...i cant barely stand the wind from your words
they force me to buckle under your love
my voice doesnt matter to you
if i could paint the canvas of my heart
to show you im sorry
it would portray a White Rose
saying you were as pure as anyone could be
i didnt trust you because i didnt trust myself
and you have everyone right to hate me...and i do too..
but i never told you this...
and i hope in time love conquers all obstacles
but i cant hope to believe you have anything for me
because finally i got what i needed...

to be alone no one to help me
no one at all..but god...

a gaze at the world's state

(an excerpt from my persuasive speech for my speech/debate class...somewhat of an outro)

I gaze at the world today, mouth agape at what is shown…

children born in a cold world where violence, silence and murder roams. And it hurts to know that we give birth to homes that are converted to groves of tombstones and catacombs where the light dims low, a zone where death’s shadow grows, under your nose, to shiver your spine and leave you frozen, with a grasp never broken, a grasp forever choking the life of heroes and foes, no discrimination for those chosen.

Death is a reality, fatality is real and even innocent blood is spilled leaving blood baths filled. Digging early graves at an earlier age fates are sealed, dreams are unmade and pealed, and it seems like time sits still while we mourn and weep for lives unborn, thrown far and deep, six feet beneath the surface of the soil we reap and we collect tears in jars to douse the hearts charred by the flaming breath of death, marked by the starkness and darkness, marred and scarred beyond description, by affliction and pain while it rains the names of victims, the dirge is rhythm is played…slow, chords of despair and anguish grow, emphasized by the ebb and the flow, music played within the key of woe, a flow of melodious moans, harmonious drones, a call to your soul that sends a chill to your very bones. It takes a loss for us realize that we have no hold…over death we have no control…

I gaze at the world today, eyes dilated and widened. Staring into the heightened
times of crimes that we’re fighting. Against the waves fighting, tide s change and remain rising on the horizon, with sword and shields on battlefields colliding.
I gaze at the world today, with my eyes weeping and tearing, after hearing of nightmares made real that keep appearing. Nightmare’s recurring. Nightmares are born. And we’re deprived of our dreams and pried away from the morning…

smile!

one version of something i scribbled because a homie reminded me how crappy a bad day can be!
(originally just regular pencil like always)

may flowers

no more electric splash or lightning in our eyes. the chain link fence wraps it's foul arms around the tree and mends the flawless purity. the tonal inflections in her voice never sounded so forced. avoidance and annoyance run along the same plane. digital outline of an investigation; ongoing. three dimensions because the fourth is too deep and complex for the mind to flip and reflect. resurrect. the polarized magnetism and mummified existentialism never saw the meteorites in her eyes. promises weren't kept, but secrets were. deep in my eyes swim the translucent rips that disrupt my field of vision. astigmatism, maybe that's the reason i didn't see this coming. wars and strife for the stars and stripes; flourish, children, in the blood of thine enemy. drink 'til your fill has been had and relapse into a recap of the reasons why you have killed yourself. metaphorically, we sleep while we dream and we live in a silent scream. hollywood screen in black and white with the explosion drawn onto the film strip. gather the flowers from the aftermath of the storm. till the land with the bloody soil. flower in gun; the war is done?